


Red roses & cotton candy

by dantetrieswriting



Category: SKAM (Norway), SKAM (TV) RPF
Genre: Bad Boy Even, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending tho, M/M, My writing gets better a few chapters in i promise, Smut, Underage Drinking, also in this au isak has supportive parents, and some mentions of abuse, but not really, but we'll see how this goes, i made it angsty oops, i wanted to do a slow burn but i have 0 patience, i'll update the tags along the way, illegal substances, isak is a diva, it's a tiny bit of a slow burn, theres a fair share of fights, theres some mutual pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-04-04 09:25:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 56,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14017224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dantetrieswriting/pseuds/dantetrieswriting
Summary: A rose. He gave Isak a fucking red rose. Doesn't matter, Isak was still not interested. Or at least that's what he kept telling himself.Or the seemingly cliche high school love story that might not be just as cliche as you thought. (or maybe it is but you'll just have to find out)





	1. Hey, princess

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first go at writing actual fanfiction so uhhh ?? idk ?? also English is not my first language so let me know if there are any mistakes and i'll fix them !!

"Fuck fuck fuck where the fuck are my pants??"

It was 8 am and Isak was, in fact, late for school. He was frantically trying to locate his clothes and textbooks. He cursed himself for sleeping though his alarm. Again. You see, it's the beauty of living with parents who are never home - there's no one to check if you get up on time. So here Isak was now, barely able to breathe while explaining to his maths teacher why he nearly broke down his classroom door at 8:27, exactly 27 minutes after the lesson started. Luckily for him, Mrs. Bjornstad was kind enough to let it slide ~~for the third time this month~~. She was nice, Isak liked her. But what Isak didn't like, was the fact that there was exactly one seat left in the classroom. The one at the very back of the room. The one next to none other than Even Bech Næsheim. Ah, _Even_ , the boy probably every person in Oslo knew. ~~And why wouldn't they, he was hot as fuck.~~ But that beauty came with a price. Even was the biggest asshole Isak had ever met. Not only was the guy arrogant, he was also mean, got into fights every five minutes and had possibly fucked half the people in town. People - as in boys and girls. Even wasn't shy about his sexuality. Isak hated how easy it was for him. Not that people didn't know Isak was gay - oh they knew. It was just that because of Isak's, some might say, feminine style, he got quite a lot of negative attention sometimes. And then there was Even who could walk around like literal sex on legs and no one said a word because Everyone wanted a piece of that. Well, everyone except Isak. Isak, who in the past few weeks had become the newest obsession for Even. Isak hated that. And oh, it just got worse when Even decided to open his mouth.

"Hey, princess, I was afraid you weren't coming."

It was like God was punishing Isak for something. He just sighed heavily and rolled his eyes as he turned his attention to the teacher as he spoke.

"Why? Was there no one else whose day had to be ruined?"

Even just grinned at his response. God, Isak hated him.

"Aw, baby don't be like that, you know I'd always miss your pretty face."

"And on that note I think i'm gonna puke if you don't stop talking right now."

Even just chuckled. Low and deep. Isak's stomach definitely did not flip even the slightest bit, thank you for asking. At least he got Even to stop talking. Isak was halfway through scribbling something to his notebook when he felt a hand on his thigh.

"I swear to god you prick if you don't get your fingers off of my leg right n-"

"Sweetie I know where you really want my fingers but that's a little inappropriate for school, don't you think?"

Isak choked on his own spit. Fuck.

"Ugh."

He let Even have his way this time. He was too tired to protest so Even's hand stayed on his thigh throughout the entire lesson. And if it moved a bit more up, Isak _most certainly_ did not notice.

***

It was lunchtime when Even magically appeared again. Isak was enjoying his waffles, completely engaged in conversation with Noora. They were talking about nail polish and makeup and all things Isak couldn't discuss with the boys. He was just laughing at something Noora had said when someone - Even - decided to crash down next to him and slung an arm over his shoulders.

"Hey babe how's it going?"

"Hmm, terrible - you're here."

Even kissed his cheek - the guy didn't know personal space - and muttered something about his friends waiting for him and seeing Isak later. When Even left, Isak looked back at Noora who was staring at him with wild curiosity and shock in her eyes.

"What the hell was that?"

Her voice was high pitched and her eyebrows were shot so far up she looked like a cartoon.

"I honestly have no idea. I fucking hate him."

At that, Noora gave a disbelieving snort and slightly tilted her head as she said:

"Hmm sure you do. You know you're blushing, right?"

Isak wanted to act like he was unaffected, but still found his eyes on the ground.

"Oh shut up."

***

It was Wednesday afternoon now and Isak was standing at his locker. Lessons had just finished, but Isak was not moving to get home. In fact, he wasn't moving at all. Every word he could think of, was stuck in his throat. He was just staring at his hands. More specifically what he was holding. A rose. He gave Isak a fucking red rose. Doesn't matter, Isak was still not interested. Or at least that's what he kept telling himself. 

You see, as much as Isak liked to think he hated Even, he had no real reason. Even had never been particularly mean to him per se. Never once had he been violent to Isak or even really insulted him. Also Isak couldn't deny that Even looked like a god. So there he was, in the middle of the hallway, clutching a rose to his chest, not really sure what to do with himself.

Even had walked over, gave Isak the rose accompanied by 'For my princess' and a wink. Isak could not deny the way his stomach flipped when the word princess came out of Even's mouth. Okay, maybe he was a slut for nicknames like that, but it didn't mean he had to stop hating Even, right?

The entire walk home was filled with thoughts of him. Isak held onto the rose. It would be unfair to waste a beautiful flower, he told himself. So when Isak got home he found a nice vase and set the flower on his living room table. It was beautiful, he gave him that. But oh there was something else Isak would never admit. And it was that Even was in his thoughts the rest of the day. He thought of the blue of Even's eyes, his blonde hair, his tall, beautiful body. Damn it. Isak was pretty sure someone else had taken over his mind. Whatever. It was probably just all the attention he was giving Isak. Yeah, that was it. So when he couldn't fall asleep that night because he kept thinking of the tall boy with the prettiest smile, no one had to know. Maybe Isak was a little gone for him. Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my [wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/user/heyitsdante) !!


	2. Don't you mind?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak can't figure himself out. Even is not in the mood to give up. A party happens which might change quite a few things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ?? was not expecting so much positive feedback so quickly ohmygod thank you!!  
> ( check out my [wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/user/heyitsdante) !!)

It was currently 3 am and Isak was on his floor, trying to make sense of what was going on in his head. The soothing voice of Matthew Healy quietly flowing in the background while Isak stared at his ceiling, wondering if it was all worth it. _Don't you mind, don't you mind?_ The heartache, the bullshit. Did it all make sense in the end? Was it possible? It felt as if nothing he ever did really mattered. Like he never mattered. He thought of Even. Even with the golden quiff and an angelic laugh. Even who was probably just fucking around because he could. Because he thought Isak would fall for it. And then he could make Isak see what a fool he truly was. Thinking someone like Even could ever fall for him. Not that it even mattered. Isak saw him through. He didn't care anyway. He'd given up long ago. Given up on going to sleep on time. Given up on everyone who tried to enter his life - they'll all leave anyway. Given up on keeping his tears inside. So if he woke up the next morning with dried mascara on his cheeks, it was easily washed off and no one would know. Isak didn't care. He didn't look like himself that day. 

***

"You don't look like yourself."

Sana Bakkoush. Biology partner and loyal friend. The one who always knew when something was up. Isak hated that. But it was obvious. Isak in a dark grey jumper that covered half of his tiny body and jeans that hadn't been washed in what looked like a year - that wasn't Isak. Messy hair and bags under his eyes. Skin as pale as the sheet of paper on the desk in front of Sana. Isak knew he looked like shit. He felt like it too. But he wasn't ready to face reality yet.

"I slept in."

It was a transparent lie. Sana knew, but also knew not to ask. He couldn't fight Isak's battles for him. 

"I brought you coffee. I know how Monday mornings are for you."

"Thanks."

Sana knew she couldn't fight his battles. But she knew that she could be there to tie up every wound and carry Isak on his shoulders if she had to. That was the beauty in her. She put the people she loved first. Isak respected that. Admired it. It would have been hard without her. So he gave it what he could, even if it was not enough, Sana never complained. For her, it was enough.

***

Isak could spot Jonas' concerned face from a mile away. He was currently in the cafeteria with the boys - Madhi and Magnus - when Isak arrived, looking like death himself.

"Shit, man, rough night?"

"Nah, just slept in."

Isak even gave them his best effortless smile and no one thought anything of it

"Okay, well, party at Emma's,Wednesday, you in?"

"Wednesday? Fucking serious?"

Isak was never one to turn down a chance to get wasted but in the middle of the week?

"Who are you and what have you done to my best friend?"

Isak just chuckled.

"Whatever, i'm in."

"Aaand there he is."

That last comment earned Jonas a smack across the head. Guess Isak was starting to feel a bit better already. 

 ***

Isak made it to maths class a minute before the lesson started. It wasn't his fault Madhi roped him into taking a trip to the store in the middle of a school day. He stopped at the door to find a certain someone in the back row. But that certain someone was not there. Weird. Isak took another quick glance over the room when he heard a deep voice behind him.

"Looking for me? Cute."

And who else could it be but Even himself. Damn it.

"As if i would ever."

"Sure. Keep telling yourself that"

Isak felt Even's hand on his lower back as he passed the boy to make his way to his seat. Isak had no choice but to follow him. Even was quiet for most of the lesson, but he just had to open his mouth at some point, didn't he?

"I saw you kept my rose."

"It was a beautiful rose."

"Not as beautiful as you."

You could practically hear Isak rolling his eyes at that moment.

"You keep saying stuff like that and i'll go sit with Mrs. Bjornstad."

"Aw, don't do that, you know i'd miss you."

Isak snorted.

"Do you want me to go?"

"Fine, i'll be quiet."

"Great."

"Sure you don't wanna go out sometime?"

"Positive."

***

Tuesday and Wednesday went by in a blur. It was all just constantly dealing with Even and his shenanigans. And Isak was kind of warming up to him. Maybe he wasn't as bad as Isak thought. He still would never admit it to Even. But he was starting to admit it to himself. It was a start. But there was no time to think about that when there were people grinding left and right as Isak made his way through the neon lights and swaying bodies spilling drinks on the floor and each other. He was latched onto Jonas' wrist as they made it to the kitchen. It had significantly less people and significantly more unopened beers. The boys sat around for a while as people came and went, and soon the little group had scattered into the party. Well, everyone except Isak, who was still sitting on the kitchen counter, sipping a beer. He was smiling at nothing in particular, just at the thought of being at this party. His friends were there somewhere, having fun. He was there, feeling good for once. He even had the whole signature Isak look going on - ripped jeans with fishnet stockings and a crop top with some mascara and red lipstick. For once, he felt like himself. He was also getting a ton of attention from guys who were piling in from every direction, all with the intention of getting into his pants. But he blew off every single one of them, partly because they were all wasted and quite gross and partly because a part of him was waiting for a certain 6 foot Greek god to appear. And now Isak was thinking about him again. Damn those eyes. Isak could probably get lost in those eyes forever. They were just so _blue_. It was kind of unfair how beautiful he was, Isak thought. Just that jawline and those cheekbones and oh god that hair looked so soft Isak wished he could run his fingers through it. Wished Evens hands were on him, gripping his waist or holding down his hips as-

"Hey princess, looking damn hot as always."

And there he was. Damn good he came before Isak had the chance to finish his thought and make leaving the room very awkward.

"Hmm, nice to see you too."

Isak thinks he meant it a bit. He tilted his head as he observed the taller boy search through the fridge for a beer and open it when he found one. He turned back to Isak to find him staring. But Isak didn't look away. He held Even's gaze as Even moved closer. He slowly made his way to the counter, where he made his way between Isak's legs oh so carefully as if asking for permission to stand there. And Isak was in no rush to protest. When Even placed his free hand on the counter, right next to Isak's hip, his eyes shot back down. The hand moved back up to gently lift Isak's chin so he was looking into Even's eyes again. Those beautiful blue eyes. 

"I like your face. Don't hide it."

Isak smiled. Actually smiled. Smiled until the hand cupping his face made it's way to grip Isak's thigh and the smile turned into a quiet gasp. He took in Even's adam's apple bobbing as he took a sip of his beer and his eyes darted to Even's lips for a split second, and when he looked back up, Even smiled. Damn that was a smile that made Isak's knees weak. He was past caring about what a dick he though Even to be. Maybe that's how his hands ended up playing with Even's hair - he was right, it was soft - as Even slowly swayed to the music blasting through the speakers in the next room.

"So where did all your friends go? I saw you coming in with them."

"Hm, they're off somewhere, having fun I hope."

Isak was slightly slurring his words, although he wasn't really paying attention to what he was saying as he was quite occupied with running his fingers through Even's hair and giggling.

"You're adorable, you know that?"

Even took another sip from his bottle. When he looked back at Isak, the boy was staring at him with a tiny pout.

"M'not."

"But you are."

"Nuh uh."

Even just grinned and lifted his hand to Isak's face again and ran his thumb over Isak's bottom lip. Isak was so far gone he didn't give a shit anymore. His eyes kept darting between Even's eyes and lips and he just wanted to feel those lips on his own. God how he wanted to kiss Even. His fingers intertwined behind Even's head and dropped to his shoulders. He was gently pulling the boy closer until -

"Isaaak!!"

Jonas. Fuck. The one time he could've stayed away. Isak's hands were by his sides in a split second and Even took a small step back.

"Dude, you gotta come, we got weed. C'mon now."

Isak slowly processed everything that was happening and quietly told Even he had to go. He jumped off the counter and followed Jonas. He didn't look back to see the disappointment on Even's face. Maybe it was best that way.

They made their way to someone's bedroom where Madhi and Magnus were already comfortable and passing a joint back and forth. They sat down and handed it to Isak, who took a drag. Isak felt every ounce of stress in his body leave with the smoke he blew out.

"Geez, what took you so long?"

That question was aimed at Jonas.

"Well this one was practically fucking Bech Næsheim on the kitchen counter."

And that was just uncalled for.

"Shut up we weren't even kissing."

"Yet."

Isak gave Jonas a pissed glare.

"Whatever, you're just mad i'm getting some and you're not."

"Ouch."

The subject changed quickly which Isak was thankful for and soon they were all laughing about something Magnus had said, the joint long gone. Isak was having fun, that's for sure. They spent quite a while taking and at times, just staring at the ceiling. The topics switched quickly from one absurd thought to the next.

Isak thought about Even. How they nearly kissed. How much he still wanted to kiss him. Fuck it, he thought. He wanted this. And he was gonna get it. He got up and proudly announced that he was gonna go get some. The boys whistled after him as he got out of the room. Isak started looking through the house to locate his prince charming. It wasn't long until he spotted the tall boy through the crowd on the other side of the room. Just as he was going to make his way through the people, he spotted a girl next to Even. Practically glued to his front. Isak could only see the back of her. Her blonde hair and black dress. Isak thought that it couldn't be. But just as he thought that, his world shattered as Even's lips met with the girl's. Even's hand on her waist. Her hands in Even's hair. It felt as if the universe slowed down and he could only see Even and that fucking girl. He felt a bit sick. When Even broke away, he glanced up and his eyes met with Isak's. Instantly, his face was full of panic. Isak just gave him a disbelieving look and took off. He puked in the bushes two houses away. Texted Jonas he'd thrown up and had to go home. He didn't think about it until he walked in his front door. That's when he broke down. So this is what I get for letting my guard down, he thought. _Never again._


	3. When you had not touched me yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak is pissed at Even but doesn't know how to deal with it. That's where Alexander comes in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Lord Huron's "The night we met". Also i'm so sorry for doing this. I'm just an angsty teenager let me live. ALSO ALSO we might be looking at a double upload this fine evening if i have enough patience for that

It was Thursday afternoon and Isak was still in bed. He'd called Jonas in the morning and told him everything. Jonas was supportive as always and advised Isak to stay home for a day. So Isak did. And he was currently staring at a blank wall, not really thinking, not crying anymore, just sitting. It's wild how quickly your opinion on someone can change. How quickly everything you thought was going well, could be flipped upside down. Not that Isak cared. He didn't. He knew how it would end from the start. He let himself fall back onto his pillows and was nearly asleep again when he heard a notification.

Unknown:

hey isak, it's even. jonas gave me your number after you left last night. i'm sorry for what you saw. it's not what you think. i just thought you weren't interested. i know that's not really an excuse but it's all i got.

Isak: 

don't worry about it. i was never really interested. i always knew who i was dealing with.

Unknown:

oh. okay. i'll see you tomorrow at school?

_Seen 15.57_

Isak threw his phone across the room. _Who did Even think he was? 'I thought you weren't interested'. Bullshit. As if I wasn't three seconds away from coming in my fucking pants in that kitchen. He can go fuck himself._ Before he knew it, Isak was crying again. Fuck.

***

Isak got to school early on Friday. When he got to his chemistry classroom, there were two seats left. He didn't sit next to Even. Instead, there was a boy with dark brown hair and green eyes. Isak sat next to him. Isak thought he looked good. Not quite like a Greek god. But good. He introduced himself as Alexander. He'd transferred that same year and didn't really know a lot of people yet. He made Isak laugh. He seemed nice. He had a cute laugh. And dimples. Isak liked his dimples. Alexander didn't seem at all arrogant or cocky. He made jokes and told stories just to entertain Isak. He didn't take Isak's presence for granted.The opposite, actually. He made Isak feel wanted. Like someone was actually interested in him, not just his ass or legs. He gave Isak compliments and when it came to the actual lesson, he explained the things Isak didn't understand and did it so patiently. Isak was warming up to him very fast. When the lesson ended, they agreed to meet at lunch. Isak smiled at that. This could be something, he thought. As he glanced behind Alexander before turning around, he was met with a pair of blue eyes. Even didn't look like himself. Isak didn't care. He gave a quick hug to Alexander and took off.

***

Maths. This time Isak didn't have a choice. He had to sit next to Even. Even who was wearing jeans that might as well have been painted on. Even who was wearing a white t-shirt that ever so subtly showed his toned abs, topped off by his signature denim jacket. Even who was practically fucking Isak with his eyes as Isak walked over.

"Hey."

"Mhm."

Isak was in no mood to talk to Even. Luckily, he took the hint. Still, the hour went by way too slow. Isak could hear the clock ticking. Could hear his own heartbeat. Even's breathing that stuttered at times, as if he wanted to say something. He never did. Isak was grateful for that. But it was way too quiet. He heard every scribble of pen on paper. Every whisper. Every movement. He counted the minutes until class finished. He'd packed his things a few minutes before the actual end of the lesson. He suddenly felt a hand on his knee. 

"Isak, hey -"

Isak heard Even's voice just as he heard the words 'class dismissed' and was off before Even could finish. He didn't have time for this. Even had his chance. He fucked it up. Now he was giving Alexander a chance. It already looked better than what he'd had with Even.

Also it was lunch now, and Isak was going to keep his promise to see Alexander. Speaking of, Alex was already waving him over to his table. He was joined by a few boys Isak didn't really know. If he remembered correctly, Chris, Nils and Johannes. They all seemed like genuinely nice people. Isak was glad. They introduced themselves and Isak had been right. They sat down to have lunch and talk about anything and everything. Soon they were joined by the boy squad. Jonas gave Isak a questioning look when Alex put his arm around the boy, but Isak just smiled. A sincere smile. Jonas accepted that. There was nothing he wanted more than for his best friend to be happy. And Isak was. He was quite literally glowing. He looked so beautiful. The group chatted about their teachers and weekend plans, and when the time for their next lesson got closer, Alex asked Isak out. It was a Friday, after all. Isak had never been more sure of a 'yes'. They parted with a hug and a kiss on the cheek from Isak.

***

It was now 6 pm and Jonas was in Isak's room, helping his best friend pick out an outfit for his date.

"What about this?"

Isak came out wearing his blue ripped jeans and a tight pink t-shirt. Jonas approved. But helping Isak choose clothes wasn't _really_ what he came for.

"Are you sure about this date, Isak? Or are you just doing this because of Even?"

Isak took a breath. As if to think it through.

"I'm doing this for me, Jonas, I swear. I like Alex. And he seems to actually like me back."

"Yeah, I could see that. But just be careful, okay? And don't do anything stupid."

"When have I ever done anything stupid?"

Jonas gave him a pointed look.

"Okay, fine, nothing stupid."

They both started laughing and kept making stupid jokes until it was time for Jonas to leave, so Alexander could pick Isak up for their date. He showed up in a black button up and dark grey jeans. Alex was smiling wide when Isak got in the car. They were planning to go to a movie and then Alex said he had a surprise. They were already in deep conversation when driving to the cinema. There, Alex bought Isak popcorn and in the middle of the movie, put his arm around Isak's shoulders. The boy melted into his embrace. After the movie, Alex drove them to a small park which overlooked the sea. It was dark outside, so it looked beautiful. They sat down and talked until cars stopped driving by and people in nearby houses were turning off lights. They kept looking at the sky and the stars and Alex listened to Isak ramble about the universe. Really listened. Isak liked that. Isak liked Alexander. It was as if Even was swept out of his head completely.

When Alexander dropped him off at his door, Isak kissed him. Buried his hands in Alexander's hair. Alexander's hands on his waist. It was great. It was good. It didn't feel right. Alex's hair wasn't as soft as Even's. His hands weren't as gentle. Isak pushed those thoughts away.

"Wanna get together again tomorrow?"

Isak grinned at the thought.

"Hell yes."

***

During the weekend, Isak and Alex went on two more dates. And at the end of the last one, Alex had asked Isak to be his boyfriend. Isak said yes. Come Monday morning and they were walking in the school, fingers intertwined. They were both attractive as hell, no denying that, so it's no surprise all eyes ended up on the pair. As they made their way through the halls, all attention was on them. And when Alex kissed Isak goodbye at the door to his next class, they heard a rather unfriendly cough behind them. Even. 

"Bye babe!"

Isak did that to piss Even off. It worked. Isak didn't sit next to Even. He sat next to a girl called Vilde. She was a blonde girl with a beaming smile. Isak had talked to her before. She seemed very happy. Isak liked that about her. Also she was friends with Noora and Sana. She was a nice girl. Isak liked sitting next to her, even though he felt Even's eyes on him the entire lesson. It was his own fault he'd fucked it up. Isak was happy now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my [wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/user/heyitsdante) !!


	4. You're a liar.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak is happy. For a while, at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "You" by the 1975. Can you tell i love this band? Anyway thanks for all the positive feedback im really grateful for all of you !! Also sorry ..... I'm fixing this shitshow i swear. (tw; slightly non con/abusive sex mentions)

It had been almost a week since Alex and Isak started dating. It was Saturday and they were in Isak's bedroom. Isak on his bed and Alex on a chair by the window. Isak was in his own head, wondering how he made it. How he finally got someone to care for him. Isak lifted his head from where it was comfortably laid on his pillows, and glanced at Alex who was reading a book. Isak liked these quiet afternoons. It was peaceful and he could be alone without being alone. Could relax without the bugging feeling that he could be with his friends. It was great, really. As Alex kept his eyes glued to his book, Isak had time to think about everything. He thought of introducing Alex to his parents when they were supposed to come home at the end of the month. They would love him, he thought. He thought about the fact that Alex had been so respectful towards him when Isak didn't want to sleep with him yet. He thought he would probably be ready soon. He wondered what it would be like. If Alex would be gentle with him. Respect his boundaries. Respect his likes and dislikes. He wondered if Alex would hold him after, or leave like everyone else. Surely, he wouldn't. Alex was nice. He was great for Isak. He cared. Next week, he thought. Next week. Alex glanced up from his book and smiled at Isak.

"Let's go somewhere."

That took Isak by surprise a bit as they both had agreed on staying in.

"Where?"

"I don't know. The mall. The beach. Wherever."

Isak was a bit hesitant as he was hoping for a peaceful Saturday, but still agreed. An hour later and they were walking around the mall chatting, when Isak stopped abruptly.

"Oh my god!! Look at that sweater!!!"

Isak was practically vibrating at the sight of a fluffy yellow sweater in a store display window. He knew he had to have it. It was just so pretty and he was already dragging Alex in the direction of the store, who was laughing at how extra Isak was at that moment.

"Okay, babe, let's go check it out."

After hearing that, Isak bolted and was in the store with the sweater in his hands within seconds. Oh gosh, it looked even better up close. And there was exactly one of them left in his size.

"I'm gonna go try it on." he yelled before Alex could even get in the store.

Isak got to the dressing room, tore off his shirt and replaced it with the sweater. Oh god, it was soft. Isak twirled around and looked at himself in the mirror. Yep. He loved it. Loved the way it sat on his shoulders and revealed a bit of his collarbones. Loved that it was just short enough to show off his ass. And it wasn't expensive. Isak thanked Jesus at that second. Quick switch back and he was already at the register, beaming with joy. But where the hell was Alex? As Isak got out of the store with a bag in his hand, he spotted his boyfriend getting coffee at a little shop just a little further in the mall. He was smiling and laughing and was he  _f_ _lirting_  with the barista? Isak shook off that thought. He wouldn't. Alexander was a friendly guy. He got along with everyone he met. It was normal. Isak made his way to his boyfriend.

"Hey babe, nearly lost you there for a moment."

It seems like he took Alex by surprise as he jumped when Isak took his hand. The barista's face changed quickly. Weird.

"That was quick."

It was more of a careless statement, than anything else. But Isak didn't even notice. When the girl - Sonja, as Isak learned from her nametag - gave Alex his coffee, there was something scribbled next to the name. Isak couldn't really make it out. He didn't care enough to ask.

As they were walking around the mall, Alex was reluctant to hold Isak's hand. He said how he hadn't been out for long and it was all still new for him. Isak understood that. Respected it. They could hold hands behind closed doors. What mattered was that Isak was happy. And he was. He really, really was.

***

On Monday Isak could spend one hour without Even, and instead with Sana. He loved biology. But now he had to sit next to Even again. It was history this time. And another hour of silence and dread. Isak noticed that Even wasn't doing much. He didn't look well. He had bags under his eyes and his hair was dirty. He slept for the majority of the lesson. Isak had the heart to wake him up five minutes before class ended. He shook even gently and whispered, "Hey, class is almost over, you might wanna wake up." Even opened his eyes slowly and took in the sight before him. Isak. Looking like an angel. Looking at him in concern. He was glowing. He looked so careless. So happy. Without Even.

"Oh yeah, tough night. Thanks for waking me up."

'Tough night' was an understatement. It'd been over a week since Even last slept properly.

"It's nothing. It was a pretty important lesson though. I'll send you my notes because you'll fail otherwise."

Even gave him a sad smile. He wondered how he deserved that kind of treatment from Isak of all people. He knew he didn't. He didn't say anything though.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

Isak was about to leave when he heard a tiny voice behind him once again.

"I'm glad you're happy. I hope he treats you better than I did."

Isak gave him a quick smile and took off. Even groaned as he watched Isak walk out. It was painful.

***

Even sat with his friends at lunch. He wasn't paying much attention to what they were talking about. His gaze was fixated on Isak and _Alex_. That name shot pain through his stomach. He watched Isak latch onto him like a puppy. He was grinning so wide his teeth were showing. Which meant his adorable tooth gap was on display. He was desperately tugging at Alex, trying to get his attention. And Alex was barely looking at him. _What an ass. Isak deserves better. Better than Alex. Way better than me._ Even watched them until Mikael snapped him out of it.

"Hey, lover boy, it's getting a bit weird already. Look somewhere else for a change. Like out of the window. There's a whole world out there y'know."

"Ugh."

Mikael loved him. He knew that. But he just wanted to wallow in his pity without being interrupted. It was what he deserved for what he did to Isak. He'd never meant to hurt him. He'd just been so hopeful when Isak finally let Even close to him. God, he could still feel Isak's hand running through his hair. And he'd been so close to kissing him. But when Jonas came, he'd just left. He'd thought Isak wasn't interested. That he'd been just playing. But the look on Isak's face after Even had kissed her. Even could see the hurt and anger. He'd ran after Isak but stopped. What was he gonna say? He'd just gone back to the party to get wasted. He didn't see the girl again. He'd just sat in the corner for the rest of the night. He hated himself for that. Maybe if he'd explained himself right there and then, things would've been different. Can't turn back time now.

Even took Mikael's advice and looked out of the window. He saw happy couples walking by. Holding hands. Kissing. The food he was having turned bitter in his mouth. He got up, made a vague excuse about needing to finish his homework, and took off. He threw his lunch into the garbage on his way out. He wasn't hungry anyway.

Even went to his maths classroom. The one where he always sat with Isak. Isak sat with Vilde now. At least he did for the past few lessons. He couldn't blame him. Vilde was nice. She was friends with Sana, Elias' sister. Even wished he could see Elias soon. He was like a big brother to Even. He'd give good advice. Help him get Isak to talk to him, maybe. Even thought about Isak waking him up earlier. He'd been so gentle. So careful. Even missed his touch. Missed him in the seat next to his. But maybe he'd sit next to Even this time. After all he'd been so nice that morning. Just as he thought that, Isak walked in. And sat down next to Vilde. Even buried his face in his arms and stayed like that throughout the lesson. Even was too far gone for that boy. But that boy wasn't looking at him anymore.

***

It was Wednesday. Isak was out with Alexander again. They were having dinner at a tiny restaurant near Isak's house. It had a pleasant atmosphere and good service so Isak loved that place. His parents had always taken him there as a kid. Now he was there with his boyfriend. It was a wild thought. Isak had a boyfriend. They sat there talking and Alex held Isak's hand. There was one thing though, that was in the back of Isak's mind. Isak knew that he was ready. This was the night. He was ready to have sex with Alex. It wasn't like he was a virgin - he wasn't - it was just the first time it was with someone who cared about him. Someone who respected him. And he was ready. He didn't know how to bring it up so he just blurted it out.

"Hey, babe, I think i'm ready."

"Well, sure, we can just take the rest of the food to g-"

Isak squeezed his hand.

"No, babe, i'm  _ready._ "

"Oh. _Oh._ Well are you sure? I don't want to push you into doing anything."

"I'm sure."

Alex lifted Isak's hand to his mouth and kissed his knuckles. The rest of dinner went by with sneaking glances at each other and by the end of it, they were both ready to get the hell back to Isak's place. Isak was nervous as hell. There were a few things he wanted Alex to know before they did anything. He trusted Alex to be patient. In the car, Isak admitted that it'd been a long time since he'd done things with anyone. Alex promised to be gentle. He didn't sound sincere. Isak didn't notice. The rest was kind of a blur.

When Isak woke up, his bed was empty. Alex's clothes were gone. It was 5 am. Isak's body hurt. He didn't want to move. He kept staring at the ceiling as memories of the night before flooded his mind. 

Rough shoving against walls and doors. Too rough. Telling Alex to slow down, only to be back at the same careless pace as before in no time. Clothes thrown. Names called that Isak didn't like. He didn't say anything. He never asked Alex to stop. But Alex never even asked.

Isak felt like crying. He'd asked Alex to be gentle. Alex had promised. And now he was gone. Isak winced as he lifted his blanket and yes, there were bruises. No hickeys. Just bruises. On his arms, thighs, hips. He got up despite the pain just to throw up. He still didn't want to miss school.

Isak:

Why did you leave?

_Seen 5:35_

Why did you do this to me?

_Seen 5:48_

Fuck you

_Sent_

***

As Isak walked into the school, everything seemed too much. The people, the talking, everything. His vision was kinda foggy and he felt dizzy. But he wanted to talk to Alex. The least he deserved was an explanation. He spotted the brunette across the hallway and started walking. Isak was a man on a mission and he ignored the pain that shot through his body with every step as he made his way through the crowd of students.

"What the fuck Alex!?"

Isak was angry.

"Oh, hey Is. You know, you took your time but you really were a good fuck like everyone said."

He just smirked at Isak. As if he'd done nothing wrong. Isak felt the anger run through his veins.

"Weren't you supposed to be, oh i don't know, my fucking boyfriend??"

Isak was fuming. He was about three seconds away from punching the guy in the face.

"Oh, sweetheart, you really fell for that? Oh I feel so sorry for you."

Alex was laughing. His friends were laughing. Isak felt sick. He felt tears forming in his eyes.

"Fuck you."

He ran to the nearest bathroom, to the furthest stall, slammed it shut, locked it, and fell to the floor. Everything hurt. Inside and out. He sobbed on the floor until the bathroom door opened. He fell silent and waited for the person to leave. They didn't. Instead they knocked on the stall door.

"Isak? It's Even"

Fuck.

"G-go aw-way."

Isak heard a heavy sigh from the other side of the door.

"I'm not going until you open this door."

There was a pause, then a click and then Even opened the stall door. When he saw Isak on the floor, he dropped to his knees and pulled Isak into his embrace. Isak really didn't want to protest but the bruises hurt.

"Ow. B-bruises."

Even pulled away instantly. That's when he saw Isak's arms that were purple with hand marks. He'd never felt more terrible. He blamed himself. He asked for permission before slowly helping Isak up. Isak noticed Even's bloody knuckles.

"What happened to your hand."

Even glanced down.  _Oh._

"Alex's face got in the way."

"You did not."

"I'm afraid I did."

They both laughed at that. And then Even hugged Isak. Gently. As if he could break any second. They stood there as Even rested his lips on top of Isak's curls. Everything was silent and Isak's voice sounded so small when he asked, "Do you think if we sort this out we could be friends?"

"I'd love that."

Even meant it. He'd take friendship. He'd take anything if it meant being around Isak.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my [wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/user/heyitsdante) !!


	5. And then I can tell myself not to ride along with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a long way back up for Isak. Fortunately, Even is there to carry Isak on his shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Ch. title once again from Lord Huron's "The night we met") Okay so a few things: i'm not in a good place emotionally rn so that may affect the story without me even noticing sometimes also hhhh since i'm not really that pleased with my writing, the chapters might take more time from now on, also my spring break ends next week so I won't have as much time to write anymore and my schedule might go down to maybe 1-2 chapters a week and possibly weeks without a new chapter. plus I'm not sure how long i want to make this fic hhggh?? i mean if y'all just want chapters of evak fluff after i've finished fucking around, let me know bbbut that's all i think ?? also read my desc for my other social media maybe ?

It took a while for Isak to calm down. Even held him until he did. Maybe the boys bathroom wasn't the best place for this, but it didn't really matter. What mattered was that Isak could breathe again. He'd stopped crying a few times and then started again. Even's shoulder was soaked but he didn't care. Isak needed someone. Even would be there for him, whatever it took. So he kept his arms wrapped around Isak until the latter broke away. 

"I think we should get to class. Also you should do something about that hand."

His eyes were still red. His voice was soft and wrecked. He looked so fragile. So tiny. So broken.  _This is my fault_ , Even thought.  _If I hadn't broken his heart he wouldn't have ended up with Alex. Did that asshole really just use Isak for sex? And then fucking bragged about it? What a fucking dick._ Even was so lost in his own little bubble of hate, that he was squinting at the bathroom door and Isak had to snap him out of it.

"Earth to Even? Why were you just looking personally offended by the door?"

Even didn't stop.

"It wasn't the door. It was someone on the other side of that door."

Isak squinted at Even suspiciously. Was he thinking about Alex?

"Alexander?"

"Yes."

"Stop thinking about him."

"He hurt you."

"So did you."

Even's stomach dropped at that. Isak was right. He was in no place to talk. He'd practically pushed Isak into Alex's arms. And now he was acting like he was some kind of hero. He was pathetic. Isak must've noticed the pain in Even's eyes.

"I didn't mean it like that. What he did was much worse. But you hurt me too, Even."

Even knew that. He knew he'd hurt Isak. He really wished he hadn't. But turning back time seemed to be impossible.

"I'm sorry."

"I just wish you hadn't."

"Me too."

By the end of it, Isak was back in Even's embrace. Even kissed Isak's curls and when a few tears fell from his eyes, he wiped them away.

***

Noora:

Isak what happened with Alex? Everyone is talking about it.

Sana:

Is, everyone is talking about you and Alex, what did that bastard do to you?

Jonas:

Where does Alex live and what are his weak spots?

Madhi:

Dude, what happened with Alex?

Magnus:

Can I punch him?

Message after message after message. Isak felt dizzy. He didn't feel like re-living that story. Didn't feel like telling it. Or even thinking about it, really. He just wanted to forget about it and move on.

To Noora, Sana, Magnus, Jonas, Madhi:

He played me. I'll get over it.

Everyone kept texting him. Telling him it would be okay. What did they know? Nothing. They didn't know the pain Alex had brought. They hadn't been there to see how he'd single-handedly broken every single promise he'd made to Isak. They didn't know how he broke Isak's trust. How he broke Isak. Isak wished he'd never met the guy. When another text came, he threw his phone on the floor and fell back on his bed, groaning.

"Everything okay?"

Even had lifted his eyes from his, or, well, Isak's homework. He'd told Isak that he'd refuse to let Isak do it himself. After all, Even was surprisingly good at chemistry. Isak looked at him and shook his head.

"No. Why do they all keep asking how i'm doing? The answer is terrible. I'm doing terrible. Isn't it obvious?"

"They're worried about you, Isak. No one really knows what happened between you and Alex. There are rumors but none of them really add up."

"Well they can speculate, then. They don't need to know. It doesn't matter anyway."

Isak said it didn't matter but his voice broke at the end of his sentence. He felt cold. And heavy. He felt like he had a ton of bricks on his chest. It was a hard thing to get used to. He saw Even stand up from his desk and move over to his bed. Isak felt the mattress dip next to his body. Even took Isak's hand in his. It was a small thing but it lifted some of the weight off of Isak's chest. Made him feel warm inside. He felt Even's thumb tracing circles in his palm. It made Isak feel safe.

"They care about you. I do too. They just want the best for you, that's all."

"But i'm tired. I'm just so tired."

"I know. But i'm here for you, you know? We all are."

Isak looked at him through heavy lidded eyes. He took a pause to breathe. To think.

"I know. Thank you"

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

***

Isak woke up in the middle of the night, crying. He was trying to breathe but it wasn't really working. He was trying to find something to hold onto, something to ground him. But everything was empty. Just sheets. An empty bed. Isak couldn't deal with everything, he really couldn't. Everything was dark and scary and the sorrow was pulling him under waves of pain. Waves that were crashing over his head and Isak was drowning. His lungs weren't working. He couldn't see clearly. Everything was falling down, breaking into pieces. Nothing was real. Nothing was the same. Everything hurt. And then he felt the mattress dip and there was a pair of strong arms wrapping around him and a deep, soothing voice telling him it was going to be okay. Telling him to breathe. Isak glanced up and could see a pair of blue eyes looking back at him. The blue was barely visible in the darkness, but it grounded Isak. Brought him back on earth. Then he was sobbing into Even's shoulder as Even kissed his forehead and his curls and whispered that it would all be okay. Reminded Isak that he was there. Even held him until they both fell asleep.

When Even woke up, Isak was halfway draped over him. He felt the boy's breaths on his bare chest. Isak's hand clutching his waist. When he tried to move, Isak just squeezed him tighter and mumbled something incoherent. He was practically drooling on Even. Sexy. But Even just placed another kiss on the boy's forehead and ruffled his curls until he heart a soft groan, followed by a very sleepy, very grumpy 'i was sleeping you ass'.

"Good morning to you too."

Even was grinning as Isak attempted to smack him, but failed miserably.

"Five more minutes."

"It's nearly 7. We need to get ready."

Even was then met with a pair of accusing green eyes. Isak squinted at him as if he was ready to murder Even. Even just smiled, gave a quick peck to Isak's cheek and got up, ignoring Isak's protests and cursing. He was still wearing the sweatpants he'd borrowed from Isak to sleep in. Isak was just in his underwear. Laid out on his bed like a fucking angel. The rays of sun coming in from the window were reflecting off of him and he was actually glowing. God, how it pained Even to see him like this. All hot and perfect and half naked. He turned around to lay on his stomach and bury his face in a pillow and - hold on. There was something Even hadn't noticed the night before. Isak was covered in purple and blue marks. Some were bigger, as if he'd fell or had been pushed against something. Some looked like they were from being gripped too roughly. And they were not just on his arms. But on his thighs and back and waist and some were poking out of the waistband of his boxers.

"Isak?"

"Hm?"

Barely audible, muffled by the pillow.

"Did Alexander do all that?"

Isak lifted his head from the pillow and glanced back at Even who was looking at him with concern. Isak turned his body so he was on his back again and looked down at his body, which Even was intensely gazing at.  _Oh. That._  

"Uh. Yeah."

Even walked back to the bed. He asked for permission before turning Isak on his front again and softly ran his fingers over the bruises, trying to grasp the reality of the situation. Isak shivered under his touch.

"What the fuck did he do to you?"

Even sounded hurt. He was blaming it all on himself. He wanted to take Isak in his arms and kiss the pain away. But he couldn't. He didn't deserve it. And Isak had said he wanted to be friends. So Even would respect that. Isak deserved respect.

"I really don't want to discuss that."

Even sighed.

"Okay. But i'm here for you if you ever want to talk."

"I know. Thanks. But we really need to get ready now."

***

Friday. Which meant chemistry. Isak sat with Even. Unfortunately, they sat right behind a certain pissed brunette. They could barely get any work done, considering their constant talking and Even's need to make Isak laugh every two minutes. The teacher warned them quite a few times. He didn't throw them out though. Even was glad he could make Isak laugh. He liked seeing Isak's eyes sparkle as he was laughing. He liked hearing Isak's laugh. Isak looked soft when he was laughing. He also looked so soft in that fluffy yellow sweater he was wearing, that Even kept finding excuses to touch him, until he just straight up ran his hands all over Isak's torso with the explanation of 'your sweater is so soft i can't keep my hands off you'. Isak was blushing and giggling and squirming until a certain dick decided to interrupt.

"If you could like, shut up, that would be great, some of us are trying to get work done."

Alex's nose was still patched up and bruised. He deserved it. Isak started to say something, but Even got there first.

"Hmm, how can I stay quiet when he's just so adorable?"

Even had his arm protectively around Isak now, and then he pulled his signature move. A kiss on the cheek. Isak's skin was left tinted pink where Even's lips had just been.

"What a surprise, always knew he was a slut."

Even's eyes went wide.

"What the fuck did you just call him?"

"A slut. He is. You should've heard him the other night. The way h-"

"Finish that sentence and i'll actually break your fucking nose this time."

Alex grumbled something and turned around. Even didn't let go of Isak. Instead he pulled him closer and kissed his temple.

"What is it with you and kissing?"

"Do you want me to stop?"

It was a genuine question. Even didn't want to push himself on Isak.

"No."

Even smiled. Another peck to Isak's forehead.

"Great. Then I won't."

***

During lunchtime, Isak was with his friends, and Even with his own. They were at separate tables, but It was just enough so that Even could sneak glances at Isak, although he might have not been as sneaky as he thought, because suddenly Mikael smacked him across the head.

"You have got to stop with the staring, mate. It's fucking weird."

"Oh fuck off."

He didn't really mean it.

"So are you gonna tell us why you two came to school together this morning?"

The boys looked at him curiously as if he was about to tell them the biggest secret in the universe.

"I slept over at his house. Nothing like that. We're just friends."

"Just friends? And you're okay with that."

Even glanced at Isak again as he tried to form his thoughts into a sentence. He was laughing. Even felt his body go weak.

"I mean I have to be. It's what he wants."

"But you want more."

It was more of a statement than a question.

"How can I not. He's just so perfect. And see that sweater he's wearing? It's so goddamn soft I could touch him forever."

"Man, you are gone for that boy."

Even sighed.

"I know."

When Isak caught even staring next time, he blushed. Even liked that.

***

With every passing day, Isak and Even became closer. Even was sleeping over at Isak's quite a lot and they sat together in nearly every class. Even liked being close to Isak. But oh, it was hard. Maybe too hard. Every time he looked at Isak, he remembered that he couldn't have him. Every time he thought of that boy, he felt daggers in his chest. Every sneaked glance, every accidental touch - it drove Even mad. Being so close to him, yet so far. But Even knew better than to fuck things up again. He had to make things right. Not being with Isak, not being able to kiss him, to touch him, it was too hard. He needed that boy. He was falling for that boy. He never thought that would happen. But it did. And there was no turning back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my [wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/user/heyitsdante) !!


	6. Fixation on the devil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bbbbbboiiii am i stressed i just had to write a 4 page opera review for my music teacher and send it to her at 2 am which is gonna leave such a great impression of me and i am tireeed but i still wanna give y'all a new chapter so enjoy this middle of the night barely awake mess

Even was currently staring out of the window, contemplating just getting up and leaving. He didn't have Norwegian with Isak, so what was the point? What was the point in anything, if it didn't involve seeing Isak's pretty face? Even was completely and utterly gone for that boy. That boy with the emerald green eyes and gorgeous smile and glowing skin. The boy with the golden curls and an angelic laugh. The boy with the softest voice and the most gentle hands. Yeah. That boy. Even had fallen for him. Every second he wasn't with Isak, he spent thinking about him. How it would feel to kiss him. How it would feel to have his hands on Isak's body again. In his hair. On his thighs. His hips. His ass. What it would feel like to have Isak's hands on him. Tugging on his hair. Nails scratching down his back. Fuck - bad idea. Even was in the middle of school, after all. He'd save those thoughts for when he got home. For, uh, research purposes. 

While Even was having a terrible time in Norwegian, Isak was having an equally terrible time in English. He was sitting in front of Alex. He felt the boy's eyes on him, boring into his back. But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that he found some piece of him - buried deep under childhood memories and last night's thoughts - that missed the boy. Missed the way Alex had made him feel special. Missed the tender kisses and quiet afternoons. Missed the stargazing and soft whispers. Missed the closeness, the affection. Isak missed Alex. He didn't want to admit it, but he did. Alex had twisted himself into Isak's mind and even after all the pain and heartache, a part of him was still there. Embedded deep. Lost in the anger and confusion. But still present enough to start tearing Isak apart. Isak didn't want to think about that. So he didn't. He focused on the text laid out in front of him and ignored his internal battles. Ignored everything inside of him. He didn't get any work done.

***

"Hey, earth to Isak?" Jonas asked with mild concern.

"Oh yeah, sorry, kinda tired."

It had become Isak's favourite lie - being tired. Really, he was looking at Even. 6 ft, perfect quiff, eyes as blue as the sky Even. Even made him feel weird. Every time he'd slept over or touched Isak in any sort of way Isak felt as if he was stabbed in the chest. He felt heavy. He couldn't explain it. Maybe he still hadn't forgiven Even for what he'd done. Or maybe he felt guilty because he still had feelings for Alex. Maybe he needed some more time away from Even to figure this out. It just felt so complicated and Even seemed to be on Isak's mind too much. It didn't let him figure things out. So that's what he needed - some time without Even. Isak didn't want to hurt him though, he'd just have to find some damn good excuses. He tuned back into the boys' conversation at the exact right time because apparently Jonas had a thing with someone and Isak was just now finding out?

"It's this girl Eva. She doesn't go here though. But damn. I think i really like her." Jonas said that last part as if it was a government secret. Considering the hook-ups he normally had with girls, it kind of was.

Isak looked at Jonas only slightly accusingly as he said,"And i'm only finding out now?"

"Sorry, man, you've just been all in your own head recently. It's been hard to get you out of that bubble. Besides, it's only been like a few days."

Isak nodded, but didn't really abandon the accusing squint yet. 

The rest of lunch was filled with girl talk. Isak wasn't really listening but it kept his mind off everything else. Isak was thankful for that.

***

Even:

hey wanna go to a movie or something 2night?

Isak:

can't, sorry. dont feel good + a ton of hw. some other time?

Even:

yeah sure dont worry abt it

Isak hated the constant lying but it hurt less than the truth. And he didn't like the truth at all. So he kept lying. Not just to the people around him. But to himself too. He told himself he needed time away from Even. Told himself it would help him figure things out. He told himself that Alex hadn't been that bad. It was as if his thoughts were fighting against each other and it hurt. Isak didn't know why it hurt so much. Avoiding Even seemed like the most reasonable option. So why was it so painful? Why couldn't Isak breathe the same? He didn't really breathe that night. Didn't really think anymore. He cried himself to sleept.

***

Days went by where Isak barely talked to Even. He blamed it all on being busy and Even believed him. Isak hated that he had to lie. There was a heavy pain in the pit of his stomach and he didn't know how to get it out. It was the lies, the excuses. Isak was pulling himself away from Even. Ripping himself away. And it hurt. But it was what he needed. Or that's what he kept telling himself. But what else could it be? It made no sense. Isak just couldn't handle Even's presence. It was overwhelming and made him think about Alex. Fuck. Alex. Isak couldn't get him out of his head. It was too damn hard. Every cell in his body was screaming at him but Isak missed the adoration. Feeling special. He yearned for that feeling. He needed it. He needed Alex.

***

What a surprise. Isak slept in once again. And oh, what a shocker, when he got to English class, there was exactly one seat left next to a certain green-eyed brunette. When Isak sat down it felt as if time stopped moving. Clock ticking. Students whispering. Children playing outside. Someone walking in the empty hallway. But none of it felt real. Isak felt frozen. The class went by too slow. Seconds felt like minutes. Isak counted every tick and they seemed to keep getting slower. He was stuck in his head again. Lost. Hopeless. He heard every breath that Alex took. Every shift of his body. Every glance, every sigh, every word on his paper. Everywhere was Alex. Isak couldn't breathe. So he didn't. Rare gasps for air and quiet stuttered breaths. Tiny movements and eyes directly in front of him at all times. Every thought seemed too loud. Every scribble too messy. He couldn't focus. Nothing felt right. Nothing felt good. So why did he miss this? What was it that wanted more? Which part of him took over when he agreed to go to a party with the person who had shattered him? Why did he say yes? Why didn't it feel right?

Isak already heard the music loud and clear two houses away. Isak wasn't sure whose house it was. Someone Alex knew. Speaking of, Isak had promised to find Alex when he got there, but as he stood at the front door, he didn't really know if this was a good idea. Alex had fucked him over. Hurt him. Bruised him. Given him nightmares. Yet Isak found himself pouring liquor into a red cup - what a cliche - as his eyes scanned the crowd. But he didn't find who he was searching for. He sipped the drink from his cup as he sat in the kitchen. He didn't really want to leave. The kitchen felt safe. It was more quiet, had less people and no Alex. He didn't really know why he'd agreed to this. It took a few drinks to get him back on his feet and then he was lost in the sea of people swaying left and right, as if they didn't have a care in the world. The music was loud and sent reverberations through Isak's skin. He felt tingles in his arms, his legs, and a pounding in his head and chest. Colorful lights, loud music and the smell of tequila filled every sensor in Isak's body. Every cell was vibrating. Until he felt a pair of hands on his hips. He turned around and was met with dazed green. Alex was drunk. He was swaying with the music and gripping Isak's hips almost strong enough to bruise. Suddenly everything flooded back. Every shove, every bruise, every scream, every tear. Alex wasn't the person Isak was missing. Never had been. He broke free of the grip and pushed through the crowd and out of the door. He was drunk, that was for sure. He also didn't know where he was. He'd taken a taxi there so he only knew the address. But he was out of money. He knew he was aching for affection, for love. But it wasn't from Alex. He had never wanted Alex. He knew that now. He picked up his phone and dialed. Two rings.

"Even?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops  
> check out my [wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/user/heyitsdante) !!


	7. “To be careful with people and with words was a rare and beautiful thing.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry there was no new chapter yesterday i had a busy day and i finished reading "Aristotle and Dante discover the secrets of the universe" (that's where the chapter title is from) (also if y'all r interested i'm starting a new work with just one shots of my lil mexican boys soo ?? stay tuned ??) and it's my fav book but i hate myself every time i finish reading it so i just needed some time to collect myself and just take a break i hope ur well my babes aaand let's go !! (Sidenote regarding this chapter: don't smoke in the car, kids, it's bad for you and everyone around you too aNd it may distract your driving depending on how it affects u. I mean smoking overall is bad for u but i'm really not one to talk.. jjjust keep away from harmful substances and let me make mistakes for u)

"Isak? Why are you calling at 3 am? Is something wrong? " Even asked and Isak could hear the tiredness in his voice through the phone.

"I just- I'm at this party but I don't know why I came here and Alex is here and I feel sick and i'm drunk and I don't have money and i just don't know what to do, Even. I really don't," Isak was slurring his words and talking so fast Even could barely make out what he was saying. Isak was on the verge of tears and the loud music thrumming and making the ground shake and waves of people shuffling in and out of the house and making his vision blurry weren't helping.

"Text me the address and i'll come get you."

"Even are you sure i don't wan-"

"I'm sure, Isak. I'm not leaving you there."

The softness in Even's voice made Isak's knees weak and he felt tears prickling in his eyes. He whispered barely audibly, "Okay."

He texted Even the address and got a 'Be there soon' text back. He stood in the driveway, waiting, but it took less than a minute before someone was stumbling behind him and grabbing at his waist. Isak turned around and what a surprise, it was Alex.

"Hey, bbabe why'd you run off." He was slurring his words and could barely stay up.

Isak made a face of disgust before he answered, "Get your hands off me, you're gross." He made a move to break free of Alex's grip but the boy just grinned wickedly and clutched on tighter.

"Weren't you the one who agreed to come here, hm? I know you miss me babe." The disgust on Isak's face grew with every word and he was practically shaking with anger.

"You're a fucking asshole, you know that?"

Alex's face just grew even more wicked. "Well, you know what they say - you are what you eat. Speaking of which," with those last words he dropped his hands from Isak's waist and grabbed his ass. Isak wiggle to get free, but to no avail. 

"Hmm, still feels nice like last time. I've missed this tight, fragile little body of yours. I mean that Even dude did really fuck up my nose so you could at least do me a little favor."

Isak was feeling more and more sick with every passing second and he felt as if he could pass out. Alex's hands on his body were not loosening and the disgusting words kept coming out of his mouth. A few minutes went by and isak felt like he could seriously black out. He felt Alex's hands everywhere, tried to shove him off but his arms weren't working with him. Suddenly the grip on his hips finally loosened and Alex was turning around and suddenly he was on the ground, groaning and clutching his jaw " _Faen,_ you dick.". Isak felt a strong grip on his arm as he was pulled toward's a car and heard a faint 'You'll pay for this' in the distance. Only as he was seated in the passenger seat, did he process everything that had just happened. Even shut the door behind him and crawled into the driver's seat. 

"You okay?" Even asked, voice deep and laced with concern.

Isak started at him sheepishly, still trying to gather everything around him. 

"I guess."

"Seatbelt."

Isak buckled his seatbelt as Even started the car. They didn't say anything for a few minutes as Isak tried to decipher the unreadable look on Even's face. Anger, maybe? Disappointment? Suddenly Even pulled his hand away from the steering wheel and shook it. He mumbled something quietly. "Fucker's got a strong jaw." He reached for something in the pocket of his jacket, and pointed it at Isak as he asked, "Do you mind if I?" Isak now saw that Even was holding a pack of cigarettes. "No, go ahead." Even got one between his lips, put the pack back in his pocket and got out a lighter. He lit the cigarette and rolled down the window. Isak couldn't tear his eyes away. The way the cigarette dangled between his plush pink lips. The way the light smoke came out in clouds that contrasted the deep blue sky so beautifully. How somehow the danger of it tied it all together. Tied in Isak and Even. Feels good, yet could kill you. Isak looked at Even's adam's apple bobbing as he said something, but Isak didn't hear. He kept staring and didn't really notice Even glancing his way.

Even lifted his eyebrows as he asked, "Want a drag?"

Isak didn't really smoke that often. Not cigarettes, at least. So he surprised himself when he accepted the cigarette. He lifted it to his lips. He definitely did not think about the fact that the same cigarette had just been between Even's lips. No. He focused on the smoke travelling down his throat, its roots embedding themselves in his lungs. Inhale, nicotine, air, pause, exhale. Inhale, pause, exhale. Inhale, pause, exhale. A few drags and he handed it back to Even. The smoke was now all over the car and Isak rolled down his window as well. The smell of a midnight breeze and cigarettes clouded his mind. He felt a little dizzy, partly from the cigarette, partly from the alcohol. He leaned his elbow on the rolled down window and felt the cold wind running through his hair. The streets of Oslo were quiet and peaceful at this hour. Isak didn't really recognize the streets they were passing.

"I'm taking you to my place. It's closer. My parents won't be home until noon."

Isak nodded and looked at Even again. The cigarette was gone. Even looked different. He looked so rough and dangerous. He had a black hoodie under his signature denim jacket, with the sleeves rolled up, his eyes were fixated on the road, bottom lip caught between his teeth. His jawline was sharp and illuminated by the moon outside. His hair was in a quiff even at 4 am and his knuckles were slightly bruised. All of the softness that had been there a week ago seemed to be gone. This was a different Even. Isak liked this Even.

"You never told me why you went to the party." It was another question hidden in a statement. Even seemed to love those. Isak hesitated before answering. There was no going around it.

"Alex invited me. I thought i missed him. I didn't. I'm sorry." 

Even kept his eyes on the road but got a crease between his brows. "Why are you sorry?"

"Because I was an idiot who thought he still needed his abusive ex and made you come get me at 3 am?"

Even chuckled. "You did nothing wrong. Don't be sorry." He rested his hand on Isak's knee. Isak didn't mention it. He felt Even's thumb rub circles on his skin. It sent shivers through his entire body. He let his head fall against the glass and he didn't even remember when he'd rolled up the window. Then suddenly they pulled into a driveway of a light grey house. Even stopped the engine, got out of the car and Isak didn't have time to open his seatbelt before Even opened his door as well. Isak got out of the car and followed Even into the house. He was still a little drunk so when he walked in the front door, he nearly fell down face first and Even had to catch him. They shared a look as Even helped him back on his feet. Isak kept his eyes on the taller boy as Even led the way to his bedroom. Isak stopped at the door for a second to take a quick scan. Various band posters, guitars, drawings, and a bunk bed with a desk instead of the bottom bunk. Isak's eyes found the drawings once again as he slowly made his way across the floor. The artworks were neatly displayed on Even's wardrobe door. Some were sketches, some were proper portraits of various people.

"So you can stay here and i'll sleep on the couch, okay?" 

Isak swiftly turned his head at Even's voice. He didn't want to throw Even out of his own bed and also he really didn't want to sleep without Even.

"Could you stay? Please? Don't wanna be alone."

He could see Even's eyes scanning him. Analyzing his offer. He took a minute before nodding.

"I'll stay."

"Thank you."

Isak took off everything except his t-shirt and boxers. Even did the same. Even climbed up the ladder first and Isak's gaze landed on the camera on Even's desk. Drawings, guitars and a camera? There was a lot Isak didn't know about Even. He'd ask in the morning. At the moment he was focusing on the warmth of Even's body next to his. The shift of Even's torso. His breath. Isak shifted so he was on his side, his back facing Even. He felt Even move again and wrap his arm around Isak's waist. He whispered low on the back of Isak's neck which gave him goosebumps. "This okay?" Isak's response came out much more breathy than he had planned. "Mhm." He felt Even lean over him and kiss his cheek - a contrast to the boy he'd seen in the car - before he resumed his position, wrapped around Isak. "G'night, angel." Deep, tired and husky. It was dark, so Isak's blush wasn't visible. "Good night." Isak's response was barely audible. It only took a few minutes before Even was breathing heavy and his arm slackened slightly. But Isak didn't have it so easy. He was staring at the wall across the room and thinking about everything that had happened that night. Alex. Even punching him. Even's hand on his knee. Even's cigarette between his lips. And now Even's hand softly squeezing his hip. He thought about the drawings. Where did Even learn to draw? When does he find the time? He thought about Even playing guitar. Wondered if Even would play for him, if he asked. Thought about the camera on Even's desk. Did he use it for pictures? Maybe for filming? Isak had a lot of questions he wanted to ask Even. So much he wanted to know. He was focusing on the soft breaths on his neck and he let his eyes fall shut. Even was everywhere. But it wasn't enough. Isak wanted Even. More than he ever could've thought. But he wasn't sure if Even even wanted him anymore. With those thoughts he drifted to sleep.

***

When Isak woke up, Even was still asleep and still holding him tight. Isak could really get used to waking up like that. Yet he reminded himself he couldn't. So he just lay there instead, listening to Even's breaths. He felt Even shift behind him and then he heard a sleepy voice. "Good morning." Isak hummed in response, not really ready to talk yet. He'd just discovered that the walls in Even's bedroom were blue. For some reason, Isak liked that fact. Blue. It suited Even.

As they finally got down from the bed, Isak felt a pain shoot through his head. Great. Even noticed the discomfort in Isak's face and recognized it quickly.

"Hangover?"

"Yup."

"Let's go downstairs, i'll find you something for the headache."

Isak agreed and followed Even. He hadn't had time to properly look around Even's house the night before. The walls were all covered with pictures. Some were of Even, some were of - at least what Isak assumed - his parents. There were many family photos taken throughout the years. Isak stopped for a second to look at a picture where Even must've been either 5 or 6. He was smiling so wide and he looked so happy. His parents were behind him, smiling as well. Isak thought it was a nice picture. When he looked away, he caught Even looking at him.

"It's a great picture. I like it."

"I was five. My parents had just given me some epic birthday present. I don't remember what it was but you will not find another picture of me smiling like that."

Isak laughed at that. He liked knowing things about Even's life. He followed the boy downstairs where he was greeted with a painkiller and a glass of water, which he swiftly got down his throat.

He sat on the counter as Even made breakfast and Even was occupied enough that he didn't catch Isak staring. It was at that point Isak checked his phone and found three messages from Jonas.

Jonas:

hey man what's up?

isak?

u okay dude?

Isak:

sorry im at even's, talk later?

By the time Isak put down his phone, Even had finished with the breakfast. They had scrambled eggs and the noises Isak made when he took the first bite made Even choke on his own food and blush a dark red. Isak laughed when he saw the expression on Even's face.

"Sorry, it's just really, really good."

Even was still trying to get himself together as he replied, "It's a secret family recipe."

They shared a lot during that breakfast. Isak talked about his parents, Terje and Marianne who were constantly travelling because of work, which meant Isak didn't see them very often. In return, Even talked about how when he was younger, drawing had been his only way to relax and calm down, so he kept doing it until it became more of a hobby than anything else. He talked about his passion for film-making and told Isak about his favourite directors and places to shoot and the first short film he'd ever made. He was telling about how he'd done the background music himself, on his guitar, when Isak suddenly interrupted, "Could i hear you play?" Even's expression revealed that he'd been caught a bit off-guard, but agreed nonetheless. 

Even made Isak sit on the floor with him, as he balanced the guitar on his lap. He cleared his throat and blushed at the hopeful expression on Isak's face. The first few notes seemed familiar. One string after another and a beautiful melody filled the room. Isak was already stunned, but he had not prepared himself for what came next. Even's deep voice suddenly cut through the music and blended with it in an instant.  _Give me love like her._ Isak was mesmerized in a heartbeat. The way Even's lips moved around the words. The way he put his soul into what he was singing. The passion in the way he was playing the guitar. Every unspoken emotion lingered in the air, every feeling clouded Isak's head. He closed his eyes and let the sound wash over him.  _Told you i'd let them go._ Isak was actually falling in love with this boy and he could feel the harmony in every vein, every cell in his body. That was, of course, until the front door opened. Even stopped abruptly and set his guitar on the floor.

"Seems like my parents are home." Even said excitedly. Isak had never seen anyone this happy about their parents getting home. Weird.

They went downstairs and the first thing Even did was kiss his mom on the cheek. So that's where that came from.

"Where's dad?" Isak only now noticed that the woman was standing at the door alone.

"He stayed behind to finish some work. And who, may I ask, is your friend over there?"

Isak suddenly felt very self conscious. He was not about to fuck this up. He walked towards the woman and outstretched his hand, which she shook. "I'm Isak. Isak Valtersen. Nice to meet you Mrs. Bech Næsheim."

"Nice to meet you Isak, and please, call me Liv."

"Okay, nice to meet you then, Liv."

"Much better," she smiled at Isak. She was gorgeous like her son. "now what have you boys been up to?"

Luckily Even slid back in with the conversation and answered before Isak could do so much as open his mouth. "Isak slept over. And we just had breakfast."

Liv's eyes lit up at the mention of breakfast. "Breakfast? Did you leave me any?"

Isak and Even shared a look. "I didn't know you'd be home so early. Sorry, mum."

"Oh, don't be silly, sweetheart. I'll make myself something. You boys go upstairs. It was nice meeting you Isak!"

"It was nice meeting you too!"

Isak could barely get the words out before Even was pushing him back up the stairs and into his room. They stayed there talking for hours until Liv called them down for lunch. After they'd eaten, Liv said she had a surprise.

"So, Even, I bought tickets for you and dad to go the festival you wanted to go to, but since dad has to work I thought you could take Isak instead?"

Even's eyes instantly lit up. "Seriously? Thank you mum I love you!" He hugged Liv as she laughed. "I thought you'd like it."

Isak just stood there kind of awkwardly. "Thank you Liv."

"No problem, sweetheart. Now you boys go have fun."

Before they left, Liv stopped them to warn Isak about Even consuming too much sugar to which Even shot him a glare but she just laughed. Guess Even got that trait from his mum, too.

***

The festival was crowded, but not too crowded. Isak slowly took in the sight in front of him - probably thousands of people scattered around in small groups, some sitting down, some dancing, some chatting. A band was playing in the distance and there were small food and souvenir trucks everywhere. Isak had never been to a thing like this and he barely had time to react before Even was pulling him by the wrist towards a tiny tent that sold t-shirts. He got a dark grey band t-shirt for himself and roped Isak into letting Even buy him one, too. Of course Isak protested because he didn't want Even to spend money on him, but Even seemed to be very persuasive when he really wanted something. They put the t-shirts into the backpack Liv had packed them. It had some food and water bottles. And of course Even had insisted on carrying it. Isak was still taking in the scenic look of the place, and Even was just enjoying his existence. It seemed like most people had gathered around the stage, so that's where they went. They sat on the grass and really just enjoyed the moment.

Turns out listening to Even's favourite band with him at a live stage show, was really amusing. Even knew all the words to every song and if he wasn't singing along, he was humming or mouthing the lyrics. It was  a wild thing to see Even like this, so different from how he acted around other people. Maybe it was all just a bad boy act. A mask he put on to protect himself. Isak was glad he was getting to know the real Even. But there was still one thing bugging him. And it was that Even would never want him. It was so obvious. Even, the sexy tough guy who looked like literal sex on legs and played guitar and had such an amazing voice and at the same time was so sweet and a great chef and Isak just couldn't believe that a guy like that would ever go for, well, a guy like _him_. Awkward and fragile and uncomfortable around people and bad with words and decisions and understanding himself. If he couldn't even understand who he was, how should Even? He pushed those thoughts aside once again and decided to just live a little. Enjoy it while he had the chance.

The sun was setting and giving the place a gorgeous golden hue. They'd been walking around for a while now, not really saying much. They stopped at a truck and Even bought them cotton candy. As soon as Isak had his, Even's face lit up and he ushered Isak to a place on the field where there were less people. He had Isak stand so that the sunset was behind him, with the cotton candy in hand, and took a picture while explaining to Isak how lucky they were to catch this moment. When he was done, Isak could finally get some sugar in his mouth. They walked around aimlessly for a little while longer until all the cotton candy was gone and they were tired. The field had pretty much emptied and when they got to the parking lot, only a few cars were left. They stood at the passenger door, neither of them really moving to open it.

"The picture I took earlier. You looked so gorgeous."

Isak blushed. "Not true." His eyes shot to the ground. Even brought his hand to Isak's chin and lifted Isak's face, so he could properly look at him.

"But it's true. Why can't you just accept it?" Even's voice was so much softer than usual. His eyes were darting between Isak's eyes and lips. They looked so gorgeous in the late night golden sunlight.

"Because it's n-" Even cut him off by pressing his lips to Isak's. It took Isak by surprise at first, but soon he was melting into the kiss, his fingers tangling in Even's hair. Their lips moved together so perfectly. The smell of cotton candy and Even's cologne lingered between them. The kiss was soft and then Even gently bit Isak's bottom lip, which made Isak gasp and give Even the chance to explore Isak's mouth with his tongue, and then the kiss was passionate and they were gasping into it but they were both smiling which soon made kissing kind of difficult so they broke off, both grinning.

"You taste like cotton candy." It made Isak laugh.

"You too."

"I've been wanting to do that for a while."

"Me too."

"Fuck, can we just do that again?"

Isak responded with pressing his lips to Even's. This kiss was gentle but it held every emotion they'd been holding back. No more fucking around. Isak felt it in Even's soft lips and Even heard it in Isak's quiet gasps and they were kissing until they couldn't breathe. And then they were grinning. And then they just hugged. And Isak was happy. Actually, really, happy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ur welcome this took me so many hours to write it's past 5 am i have to be up at nine i hope u enjoyed


	8. Take my heart and turn it golden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of softness, some confessions, some crying, some supportive parents and a whole lot of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> running on 4 hours of sleep for two days,, wild (also spring break is officially over so the chapters will come depending on how fucked my sleep schedule is) (also get ready for just disgusting, tooth-rotting fluff from now on. I mean some things still need to be solved in future chapters but enjoy my babes)

Tingles on his lips, hands in his hair, his hands on Isak's waist. The taste of cotton candy and something so distinctly Isak on his tongue, the smell of a faint spring breeze in the air. Isak's bright green eyes glazed over, every rational thought carried away by the wind. Their lips a dark pink, cheeks tinted a cherry red. Faint voices, recollection of the surroundings. Copper sheen reflecting on the hair of the beautiful boy in front of him, pressed against him so tight there wasn't a clear separation line anymore. This had to be discussed. He wasn't losing Isak again.

"So what does this mean for us?" 

Glossy green shot up to look at him. Analyze the question. Decipher.

"What do you want this to mean?"

Even's turn to analyze. The gears turning behind his eyes.

"Well I really want to be with you."

A smile. A lingering peck.

"I'd like that."

Even opened the car door behind Isak. He held the boy's gaze until the door was shut again. When he got into his seat, Isak's eyes were on him again. Isak was smiling. Even smiled back. It was only the beginning but it was very promising. This time when Even rested his hand on Isak's thigh while driving, Isak intertwined their fingers. It was a small gesture, but it made Even's heart melt. He felt himself radiating warmth and happiness. It was sappy as hell, sure, but Even didn't care. He had Isak. He finally had Isak. As they drove through city streets and small neighbourhoods, the sun was setting and when they made it back to Even's place, it was dark outside. Engine off. Kiss on Isak's knuckles. Out the door to open Isak's for him. Car locked. Even laced their fingers together once again as they were standing at the door. Even felt Isak's breath stutter. A comforting squeeze and a 'She'll be okay with this, trust me.' and Isak was shivering a bit less. A turn of a key and they were walking in the door. There was a warm dim light illuminating Liv and the book she had in her hands. She greeted them, eyes still glued to the lines on the pages.

"Did you boys have fun?"

"Yes, it was great, thank you mum, really."

She lifted her eyes and her gaze instantly landed on the boys' intertwined hands. She raised her brows a bit, smiled, and shifted her attention to Even.

"You didn't tell me you guys were-" She was cut off by Isak who blurted out, "It just happened."

Her eyebrows were knit for a moment until the realization washed over her face and she got a huge grin on her face.

"Did i help this? Did my tickets help this oh god i'm so happy. Well I bet you two want some time alone. Isak you can go upstairs I want to talk to Even for a second."

Isak hesitated for a second before unlacing their fingers and making his way to Even's room. Liv patted the seat beside her on the couch and Even took a seat. She ran her fingers through her son's hair and ruffled it a little.

"Okay so let me say what I want to say and then you can go, okay?" Even nodded. "Isak seems like a sweet kid and i'm really happy for you. I remember your first boyfriend. You were so excited. And then you remember what happened. And then came Carmen and you made the same mistake. I really like this boy, Even, and he seems like he really adores you, so can I trust you to tell him before it's too late?"

"Yes mum. I really like him. I'll try not to screw it up this time."

Liv laughed. She put her arm around Even, pulled him as close as she could and peppered kisses all over the side of his face until Even was squirming and giggling. When she let him go, Even nearly ran to his room. But not before thanking his mum.

When he opened the door, Isak was sitting on a chair at Even's desk, inspecting a drawing. When Even realized which one it was, he took two long strides over the floor and covered the drawing, blushing like crazy. Isak looked up at him, cheeks tinted pink, lips slightly slack.

"Was that me?"

"Uh, it was just a sketch, it's nothing."

"It was beautiful."

Even couldn't help himself. He leaned down and pressed his lips against Isak's. The boy practically melted on the chair and a small whine left his throat when Even pulled away.

"So what did you guys talk about?"

Even's stomach dropped. Fuck. Now or never. Isak deserved to know, but would he leave like everyone else? Even sat on the ground in front of the chair, leaned his chin on Isak's knee and took his hands into his own.

"So I really like you. And I want this to work. But in order for it to work, you need to know something about me. And if it's too much for you I won't judge you if you leave. You wouldn't be the first one." Isak was looking at him with knit eyebrows and clear concern in his eyes. "I'm bipolar." Isak's face softened. He tilted his head, lifted Even's hand to his mouth and kissed his knuckles.

"Do you really think that changes anything in the way I see you?"

"I mean it's not really something that simple i-" Isak cut him off before he could finish.

"Look, Even, I know it's not easy but I also know it's not impossible. Magnus' mum is bipolar. I've known both of them nearly my entire life and she's such an amazing person and Magnus has stuck by her side for years. Alone. I understand that it's hard but i'm willing to deal with that. I really, really like you. It's gonna take a lot more than that to scare me away, Even."

By the time Isak was finished, Even felt tears in his eyes. He felt Isak kneel on the ground with him and wrap Even in his embrace. And then he sobbed into Isak's shoulder whispering 'thank you thank you thank you' and Isak could do nothing more than just hold him and make sure he's okay. It took a while before Even stopped crying and a while after that before either of them spoke again.

"I'm sorry I sobbed into your shirt the night we start dating." Even's voice was still slightly muffled by Isak's shoulder and Isak laughed.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

A bit more silence.

"But you know, I see through that bad boy act now." There was a certain smugness in his voice. "You can try to be tough but i know the tru-aHH!" Even had interrupted Isak by gently nipping at his neck.

"You can't just fucking do that - that's not uGH." Isak was blushing and spluttering and thoroughly flustered.

Even lifted his head. A glint in his blue eyes. A smirk. Brows up and down. "I think I just did."

Isak responded by crashing his mouth onto Even's as he surged forward and sent them off balance to tumble onto the floor, him on top of Even. Even was smiling into the kiss as Isak tried to desperately gain control. Of course that plan was trashed when Even flipped them so now Isak was under Even with his back against the carpet. He was gasping into the kiss and Even's hands were on his waist again but this angle was a bit different and did Even just hear a giggle? He broke away and squeezed again, curiously. And Isak squeaked a giggle and squirmed. Even's face broke into a grin and Isak's eyes widened as he shook his head.

"Oh no don't you fucking d-"

But Even was now a man on a mission as he locked Isak's body in with the legs that were straddling his waist and continued the absolute torture that tickling was for Isak. He squirmed and giggled and squealed until he couldn't really breathe and then Even let go of his sides and kissed Isak Instead. The boy wrapped his arms around Even's neck and pulled him closer until there was no more room left between them. And then they kissed and kissed and kissed until their lips were tingling again and Even glanced at the clock and  _oh._

"I think we should go to sleep it's one in the morning."

This time Even gave him a real good night kiss. Quite many, actually. He peppered them all over Isak's face until Isak grabbed Even's face and kissed him properly. They kept cuddling and making out for a while with Even on his back and Isak halfway draped over him. There were soft kisses and giggly kisses and kisses that made their toes curl. And then Isak was breathing softly and peacefully and Even gave him one last peck before drifting off to sleep himself.

***

This time Even woke up first and started placing kisses on Isak's neck. He was soon rewarded with a soft moan and then suddenly a really awake, really flustered Isak. Even pecked him on the lips and smiled. Isak looked soft. His curls a mess, cheeks a light pink and his eyes barely able to stay open. Even kissed his neck again and Isak let out a quiet groan.

"You better stop before you make going down to see your parents very, very awkward for me."

Even chuckled and wiggled his brows again.  _This boy was sensitive._

"C'mon now, up." Isak groaned. He hated getting out of bed. Especially if the bed included an Even.

Both boys entered the kitchen in Even's clothes. Isak in Even's t-shirt and sweats and Even in his hoodie and shorts. And there, in the morning sunlight, sitting at the kitchen table  was Liv, having coffee and next to her, Even's dad. He introduced himself as Daniel and offered the boys some breakfast. He was more than happy to welcome Isak into their life. When  they sat down, Even and his mum shared a look and when Even told his mum that Isak knew and promised to support him, whatever it took, Liv got up from her seat and pulled Isak into a big hug. She wiped a few tears after letting go. And then they sat and ate and laughed and Isak felt happy. With Even's hand in his under the table, which honestly made eating quite difficult, but Isak would take it. Because it was Even. Even who swept Isak off his feel with those sky blue eyes and bright smile and oh god those kisses. Isak had never been more happy in his life than he was at that moment. And that was just the beginning. And after breakfast Even's parents had a talk with Isak about Even's mental state and Isak listened and clung on to every word because he was in it for the long haul. He was falling in love.


	9. We will call this place our home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even face their fist day at school as a couple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been bUSY w hOA

It was about 5 AM and Isak and Even were still not sleeping, but instead laughing at some story from Isak's childhood. Not that Isak was complaining, but they did have to start getting ready for school in two hours. Sunday had been nice. After meeting Even's dad, the boys had made out in Even's room for hours before falling asleep. That's why they woke up at 2 am and ended up here, Isak shushing Even with a kiss when the boy was laughing too loud.

"You're gonna wake up your parents." Isak broke away but Even pulled him back against his lips.

"Mhm." Mumbled between kisses, before Even rolled them over so Isak was on his back against the bed with Even on top of him. Lips moving slow, lingering together before breaking apart in fits of giggles and grins. Isak could only feel, think, and breathe Even. He was clinging onto his body as if Even was going to float off. Isak was gasping into the kiss now and letting out little breathy sounds, almost like moans but not quite. He felt Even's grip on his thigh tighten and he threaded his fingers in Even's hair. He liked the direction this was taking, but after what happened with Alex, he knew he wasn't ready. Not yet. So when Even's body pressed tighter against him he broke off. Even looked a bit alarmed at the action.

"You okay? Is this too much?" The concern in his voice was genuine.

"Yeah, i'm fine, it's just that - after Alex, I think I need some more time."

"That's fine, baby, i'll wait as long as I need, I hope you know that."

"Thank you."

Even replied with another kiss. A soft, smiling kiss. The boys lay there cuddling until Isak's alarm went off, snapping them out of their haze and into the real world. Even's parents had a week off work so they kept sleeping as the boys got ready. Isak waited in Even's room as Even took a shower and oh boy did Isak's breath get caught in his throat when Even came back. He had a towel riding low on his hips, droplets of water dripping down his toned abs. He looked ethereal. Isak's jaw dropped open just a little bit and he gulped, trying to get some oxygen back in his lungs. Even caught his expression and grinned, eyebrows going up and down. Isak was a flustered mess before quickly scurrying to the bathroom. He locked the door behind him, quickly stripped off his clothes and yup, he had a problem. A quick cold shower and he was back in Even's room, hair curly from the moisture, body dripping wet. He was standing in the doorway when his gaze landed on Even who was practically drooling and okay, that sent a hell of a of rush up Isak's spine but he just got himself together and Even's eyes flashing dark were not going to ruin that. He walked across the room and turned his back to Even and he heard a loud gasping breath as he dropped the towel to get dressed. As he got on his jeans and stood up, he felt Even's arms wrap around his torso, Even's lips leaving trails of shivers on his neck. He was trying not to get too excited but Even's mouth seemed to be really talented. Isak couldn't help but think about Even's mouth in other situations and wow, okay, he had a problem again. Damn it. So he just ignored the problem until it left. Easy. And maybe later, when Isak went to the kitchen in a black, low v-neck sweater and mascara, Even's breath caught in his throat and suddenly he was the one with a problem. Isak felt good about that. Even - his boyfriend - got so wound up just by looking at him. If that's not a confidence boost then what the hell is?

***

Isak felt eyes on them. Heard whispers. People were staring. He squeezed Even's hand tighter as they walked through the halls, spotting Jonas and the boys at their lockers. As they were approaching the group, Jonas fixed his gaze on the boys' intertwined fingers. The other's turned to the pair as their footsteps got louder and all eyes were locked on their hands. Isak suddenly felt a bit weak in the knees. And then the nerves were swept away as Even put his arm around Isak and pulled him close. The boys' eyebrows went up in sync.

"Explain?" Jonas' voice came out squeaky and high pitched.

"He gave me food."  That earned Isak a smack on the shoulder.

"Rude. The truth is that I am obviously irresistible."

Isak wanted to protest, but he just couldn't. "I mean - that's true."

And then they were all laughing and Isak felt okay again. That was, of course, until Jonas pulled him to the side.

"So?"

Isak could read Jonas' expression like a damn book. Even had fucked up before. And that's how Alex happened. But Isak was sure now.

"I'm serious about this. I swear. Alex was really just a way to get back at Even but we talked and it's okay. We both made mistakes but I really like him Jonas, I do."

Jonas' features softened a little but he was still on guard. That's just how he was when it came to Isak. They were best friends and he wouldn't let anyone hurt his best friend.

"It better work out this time or i'll whoop his ass. Speaking of which I still haven't had the chance to beat the fuck out of that asshole Alex."

"Uh, I think Even took care of that already. Twice."

"Hold up. Twice? I know the time in school but when was the second time?"

"I went to a party but regretted it so I asked Even to get me and when he got there, Alex was groping me so yeah.."

"Why were you at a party with Alex?"

"He, uh, invited me."

A smack across Isak's head.

"Fucking dumbass."

"Trust me, I know."

***

When Isak sat down, a pair of wide curious brown eyes was following him.

"So, you and Even. Tell me everything." There was a slight amusement in her voice.

"It's no big deal, Sana. He rescued me from the devil himself and then we spent the weekend together and it just happened."

"These things don't just 'happen' Isak. Where were you? What led to it? Did you just talk or did you kiss or what?"

"Uhh, I was at his house and his mum sent us to the festival that was in Oslo this weekend. So when we were in the parking lot later we kind of just stood at the car and then he kissed me and then we talked at it just all happened so fast I don't - why are you looking at me like that?"

"You're practically glowing while talking about him, you know that?"

Isak felt his cheeks turn pink.

"Shush."

"Whatever, I'm just happy for you, Is."

"Thank you."

Isak was smiling for the rest of the lesson and Sana had to snap him out of his haze several times because he wasn't concentrating on the lesson. Needless to say, Sana did all the work again while Isak dreamed about those blue eyes and pink lips that he could now kiss whenever he wanted. He could touch Even whenever he wanted. Even was his. He was Even's. He just really didn't want to mess it up.

***

When lunchtime came, Isak was immediately attacked by Noora and Vilde who had got all the important details from Sana already, but they now had their own questions and Isak was escorted to a table and pushed on the bench as the girls started bombing him with questions.

"Is he a good kisser?"

"What's he like in bed?"

"Is his hair really soft?"

"Is he always such a bad boy?"

"Stopstopstop I can't focus. Okay. From the start. Amazing kisser. Haven't done  _that_ yet. He has the softest hair in the universe and let me tell you, his heart is even softer."

The girls were cooing and jumping and giggling and practically vibrating on the spot as they kept asking and Isak kept answering and it felt nice to just be himself for once. He was spilling everything and the girls couldn't get enough. And when Even appeared and wrapped his arms around Isak as he sat down, Noora and Vilde nearly fainted. So now both boys were victims of detailed interrogations. At least until the rest of the boys got to the table and then the topic finally shifted and everyone was getting a word in on Jonas' new relationship with this mysterious Eva, Magnus' apparent hook-up and Madhi's new car. Isak felt good, but something felt off. Some detail felt wrong and he realized what that was when his eyes roamed over the cafeteria and caught a pair of green ones burning a hole in his head. He shifted uncomfortably and then the grip around his torso tightened and the green eyes from across the room shifted to gaze above his head and then he squinted and turned away. When Isak looked up he caught the same expression on Even's face.

"I fucking hate that guy." Even hissed through his teeth. Isak lifted his hand to Even's jaw and pulled his face lower to plant a quick kiss on his lips.

"I know, babe. Me too."

The girls were looking at them again, pure adoration in their eyes. Isak decided to amuse them by kissing Even again. But just as their lips perfectly slotted together, Even was deepening the kiss and dragging Isak's bottom lip between his teeth. And then Isak was shifting and grabbing the front of Even's hoodie and when they finally broke off, gasping and grinning, everyone at the table was looking at them.

"Get a fucking room."

There was no harsh tone in Magnus' voice but Isak still flipped him off.

"You're just mad you're not getting any."

A collective 'ouch' came from all around the table and Magnus was squinting at him.

"I'm just playing, man."

***

If sitting next to an Even who was crushing on Isak was hard. Sitting next to and Even who was dating Isak was even harder. It started off with just Even sitting abnormally close to him. And then some time passed and Even's hand was on his thigh, squeezing and rubbing and moving higher subconsciously. Isak was trying to process the words in his book but all he could concentrate on was the hand on his leg, sending tingles through his entire body. Even didn't seem to be bothered at the slightest, he probably didn't even notice what he was doing to Isak, at least until his hand reached Isak's inner thigh and he squeezed, which made Isak let out an embarrassing squeak and jump. The teacher gave the boys a warning look ad went back to grading their papers.

"Do. Not. Do that."

"Didn't know that was a sweet spot. I'll keep that in mind." And then Even just fucking winked. If Isak hadn't been flustered before, he certainly was now. He was amazed at how quickly this boy could wind him up. Even seemed to be on the same page, as he slid his palm right back to Isak's thigh, just nearly to that exact same sensitive spot, and kept it there, squeezing occasionally. Isak was gone and he buried his face in his arms until the end of the lesson, forcing his body to calm down because he did not want to leave the classroom with a boner, thank you very much. Luckily the class ended soon and he was free to go. That didn't mean he wasn't still slightly dizzy and delirious, which made his knees give out as soon as he tried to stand up. With some help, he managed to get out of the classroom, Even still laughing at him.

As they were ready to get home, a group of boys approached them outside the door. Alex and his asshole buddies. They were the kind of boys who tried to look tough but failed miserably. But still, there were five of them. Alex was wearing his ripped t-shirt that just made him look like he'd just been beaten up. His friends were all wearing matching beanies and fingerless gloves, which made them look like a reject 2005 boy band. Isak and Even had stopped while the group was walking towards them, but they didn't move back. Even's grip on Isak's hand tightened and Isak could see the anger building up in him. But Even though Even was strong, Isak knew he couldn't beat five guys. And he himself was not really the best fighter. Sure, he'd had his fair share of rustles back in the day, but nothing really serious. And he could recognize the fire in Even's eyes. The flash of dark through his pupils. Even was seconds away from lurching forward and Isak couldn't stop him if he did. And then suddenly there was a swing aimed at their direction and Isak was on the ground, clutching his stomach in pain, the faint curses and sounds of punches somewhere registered in the back of his mind. He tried to move, to check if Even was okay, but he couldn't. He heard someone drop on the ground and groan in pain. And then another and another and another until he was scooped up from the ground and Even carried him to their car. His brow was a bit bloody, and he had a fair share of guys following him. Those guys included Jonas and Even's friends. He'd never really met those guys, but that was quickly changed.

"Uh, these are Mikael, Mutta and Yousef."

The boys introduced themselves properly as Even scoured his glove compartment for a painkiller and a bottle of water. Isak gladly accepted them.

"So, I have to get home, we're having dinner with some family friends, but i'll take you and Jonas back to yours, okay?"

Isak really didn't want to be without Even, but he agreed nonetheless, as he said goodbye to Even's friends. Then Jonas got in the car and they drove off. Before Isak could get out of the car, Even kissed him and neither of them wanted to let go so they were kind of glued together until Jonas had to physically drag Isak out of the car, as he waved Even off. 

"Let's get you inside. Damn, you folded like a lawn chair out there. We need to work on that unless you want to depend entirely on that badass boyfriend of yours."

"Oh piss off."

Jonas laughed at him as they made it inside. They kicked off their shoes and Jonas was already headed to the kitchen, yelling something about inviting the boys and something about alcohol. So when ten minutes later, Magnus and Madhi showed up with a bottle of tequila, Isak was not really surprised. The night started with a movie and a few shots, but soon there were playing cards scattered along the floor and four drunk boys laid across the living room, laughing their asses off at Magnus' newest crazy adventures. It was great to just forget about all the shit that was going on for a while. The boys hadn't had a night like this in a long time. They were drinking more and laughing more and at one point Madhi had to run down the street naked and Magnus had to eat a seemingly dirty chip from under the couch which turned out to be a weirdly concentrated form of dust and Jonas had to text her new girlfriend and Isak had to spill all the details about his relationship. It went on like that for hours until they were all sort of passed out, Jonas on the coffee table, Magnus under it, Madhi folded in a small armchair and Isak on the couch. Except Isak wasn't sleeping. He was texting Even. Which probably was not the best idea since he was still drunk.

Even:

So how did it go with the boys?

Isak:

it ws  grreat. i feel great. ur so pretty babe i wwish u were here.

Even:

i know, me too babe, but i'll see you tomorrow <3

Isak:

nnno dont leav me babe stay here talk to me i dnt wanna b alone :(

Even:

i'm right here, princess, i'm not going anywhere, okay?

Isak:

m'heart does athing when u call me tht :((

Even:

u mean princess? well you are, baby

Isak:

fcuck y are u so hotttt like this mornin when u got out of th e shower i jsut wanted to tear tht towel off of u nd drop to my knees ;))

Even:

geez, baby, i'm still with my family if u could maybe like ,, not

Isak:

bbut ur so fuckn sexy i jsust want u on me and in me nd fffcuucckk

Even:

okay, yup, you need to go to sleep, i'll see you tomorrow. (btw enjoy the hangover who the fuck gets wasted on a monday night??)

Isak:

byyyeee :(((( (shhuttheffcuk up i do what i wnat im a big boy)

With that, Isak finally passed out, phone in hand. And lets just say he did not have the best time reading his messages the next morning. And of course, his head was throbbing and he started the morning by throwing up. The boys were in the same state and they all had breakfast without saying a word, just mumbling nonsense. It seemed to be a great day ahead of them. And when Even started laughing as he picked them up for school, they all flipped him off but that just made him laugh harder. At least Isak got a kiss and he held Even's hand the entire way to school. Maybe it would still be okay. Maybe Isak could finally be okay.


	10. Friday, I'm in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *changes the rating and swiftly slides away*

It all started on the first Wednesday after Isak and Even got together. Two nights without each other shouldn't have had this effect. But when Even got out of his car at exactly 7:53 and started walking towards the doors, where Isak was leaning against a brick wall, he made all rational thoughts fly out of Isak's head. Black ripped jeans, a white t-shirt that left nothing to the imagination, a black denim jacket with rose patches, a quiff that seemed to ignore the laws of gravity and a cigarette between his plush pink lips - Isak's knees went weak and he nearly tore his clothes off right there and then. He knew he should compose himself, but when Even was about 5 feet away Isak lurched forward to connect his lips with Even's. Needless to say, Even was a bit taken aback but quickly regained sense of what was happening and put the hand that wasn't holding his cigarette on Isak's waist, the other stopping mid-air. He let his lips linger on Isak's for a few seconds longer, then pulled away, raised eyebrows asking a silent question.

"I couldn't help myself. You look so fucking hot,  _faen._ " raised eyebrows turned to eyes crinkled and teeth flashing behind a bubbling laughter.

"Well thanks, princess. You don't lo-." and then Even noticed what Isak was wearing. A black, skin tight v-neck shirt and a fucking skirt. A rather short one as well. It was white and had some embroidered flowers. Even lost his breath for a good few seconds before pushing Isak right against the wall, lips a bare half a centimeter away from his face, hands exploring lower and lower until they were feeling the material under Isak's skirt and Even groaned because those were definitely not boxers. Even dropped his head in the crook of Isak's neck and reveled in the sounds he was pulling out of the boy. Gasps and whines and small moans until a loud bell reminded them where they were.

As they walked through the doors, all eyes were on them once again. Gasps and whistles and whispers and Isak was flustered and blushing, but not only because of the attention. He squeezed Even's hand as they walked, and Even pulled him closer. He caught a glance at Alex who was doing something that made Isak's insides twist in disgust, and Even met the boy's eyes just as he pulled his tongue out from between his middle and index fingers. That rewarded him with a middle finger from Even and a face of pure and utter disgust from Isak. The asshole just laughed. He still had a black eye and a split lip. It didn't seem to discourage him. So Isak felt himself be pressed even closer to Even as they made it to class. And this time it was even harder to stay sane next to Even. Strong hands on his bare thighs, gripping and touching and squeezing. This time when Even's grip reached Isak's inner thigh, he yelped quietly and buried his face in Even's shoulder, biting it. Even had taken his jacket off so he jumped slightly when he felt teeth sinking into his skin.

"Baby, i'm sorry, but if you do that then i'm actually gonna get hard in the middle of class."

"Same goes for what you just did."

So they settled for Even's hand just resting on Isak's leg and Isak's head on Even's shoulder. Avoiding any awkward situations. For now, at least.

***

So, lunch. As soon as Isak made it to the cafeteria, he was ripped away from Even and ushered to a table, where he was faced with three girls. Noora and Vilde had wide eyes and thrilled faces, while Sana just looked at Isak with nothing but compassion. And then it came.

"Isak Valtersen how do you get your legs to look that good in a skirt?"

Now that made Isak lose it a little bit. The girls were still staring at him with expectant faces which made him laugh harder. He felt a hand slide down his back and a body sit down beside him. The girls were not met with a pair of confused blue eyes.

"We asked him how got such great legs." Vilde was so nonchalant about it that even Even started cracking up.

Isak finally managed to calm down enough to give a very unhelpful answer, "I really, really don't know i'm sorry."

Needless to say, Noora and Vilde were all over Isak the entire lunch break, while Even seemed to really enjoy Sana's company. They talked about Elias and Sana's parents and at times Even tuned into the other conversation to make remarks about Isak's legs that made the boy stutter and blush. That made Even and Sana laugh and then they were all laughing again. Isak felt people's eyes on him. He new that half the guys in the cafeteria were drooling and he knew very well that one of those guys was Alexander. But he didn't have time to think about that because Even was all over him, kissing him and touching him and giving him constant attention and at one point Isak noticed Alex just glaring at them. When Isak glanced his way, Alex averted his eyes and looked at his food. Isak was happy about that. And then he felt Even's mouth on the back of his neck again and he closed his eyes for a second, enjoying the feeling of those soft lips on his skin, sending tingles down his spine. Yeah, he was gone for the boy. So, so gone.

***

As soon as Isak and Even were in Even's car, there were hands on Isak's legs again, lips on his neck and collarbones and Isak was getting way too affected so he squirmed away from Even's grip and Even frowned.

"I am not going to deal with a boner, so fuck off."

Even laughed, eyebrows going up and down.

"You wouldn't have to deal with it by yourself.."

Isak smacked Even's hand but his eyes shot down and cheeks tinted pink. He mumbled a quiet 'screw you' and Even laughed and his eyes crinkled at the corners. He still kept his hand on Isak's thigh and Isak placed his hand over Even's, tangling their fingers together. It was something they did a lot. Intertwined fingers. It was their way of grounding each other and themselves. A way to clock back to reality when things got too much, or a way to remember that there are good things left in life. A sign of affection. Their hands tangled like their heartstrings. Neither of them acknowledged it, but both felt it somewhere deep inside. The unspoken words and confessions. The trust, the security. Even was willing to wait for Isak for as long as needed and Isak was willing to give all of him to Even when the time was right. And he felt it. Somewhere in his bones, he felt it. In the warmth of Even's hand and the assurance in his eyes. Isak felt some sort of freedom. He felt safe with Even. With Alex, it had been an illusion of affection and sincerity. With Even, it was real. It was right there in his palm, giving him a reassuring squeeze as they pulled in Isak's driveway. A reminder of his presence. 

Even was sitting on Isak's couch with Isak's knees on both sides of his hips. They were lazily making out, neither of them in a rush. Isak's hands were tangled in Even's hair, Even's sliding up Isak's thighs to his hips and back. Soft lingering kisses and gasps. Lips and tongues slotting together perfectly. Even's hands wandered cautiously under Isak's skirt to his ass and squeezed gently. Isak yelped and broke away to let his head hang back, trying to gasp in oxygen. Even took that as a green light to start exploring Isak's neck, kissing and biting and licking and Isak was letting out all these breathy, pitiful noises and gasps as his fingers threaded tighter and his eyes were rolling back. He didn't really notice he was pressing himself down onto Even's lap until Even's hips bucked involuntarily and Isak let out a small, high-pitched moan. Even pulled him closer, until there was no air left between them and connected their lips again, his tongue pulling out any sanity Isak had left. Lips crashing together like waves on a stormy night, hips pressing down, all rational thoughts out of the window. Even's hands dragging down Isak's chest, lips moving to the corner of his mouth, his jaw, and then to suck a hickey on they boy's neck. Isak whined needily, a plea stuck in his throat. Even everywhere, on his body, in his mind, in his heart. The smell on Even in his lungs, the taste of him on Isak's tongue. And then suddenly the slam of a door and a loud greeting.

"We're here and we have booze!!"

The way Isak's house was planned meant that whoever came through the front door could immediately see the living room, which now left three teenage boys with their eyebrows shot up and two others scrambling apart, trying to catch their breaths. Jonas was the first one to break the silence by bursting out laughing. Magnus and Madhi followed suit and Isak and Even were left sitting on the couch with pink cheeks and swollen lips.

Jonas' laughter died down enough to speak, "I fucking told you they'd be doing this. I fucking told you." And then he was laughing again.

Isak glared at his best friend, "Oh fuck off."

That made the three boys laugh even louder and soon they were gasping for air, muscles aching, as Isak and Even looked at each other in concern.

"Give me the fucking bottle i'm too sober for this shit."

This time even Isak was laughing as Even grabbed the tequila from Madhi's hand and chugged a generous amount without even blinking. Everyone stared at him in disbelief as he lifted the bottle from his lips without making a face but he just shrugged. As if it was no big deal. Isak's turn didn't go as smoothly and his face twisted up as soon as the bottle was away from his mouth. Drinking like this was maybe not the best idea, but it got the job done and soon the boys were spread out in Isak's bedroom. Isak had swapped his skirt for a pair of sweatpants, and was now face-first laid out on his bed with Even next to him. The boys were sprawled out on various pieces of furniture and the floor. They all sat in silence until Madhi broke it, "Do you guys think Magnus will ever get laid?" A wave of laughter erupted. And then a grumpy Magnus was sending them all to hell. It continued like that for a while. Various conversations, all shallow and to be forgotten within moments. No word really had a meaning, nothing seemed to matter. And so a few hours later Jonas, Madhi and Magnus were all sharing Isak's parents' bed, as Isak and Even got some time for themselves. They were on their sides, facing each other. Even took Isak's hand and lifted it to his lips and kissed every knuckle, every spot individually until Isak was giggling. Isak rolled a bit and pushed Even so Isak was somewhat draped over the older boy, their faces centimeters apart. Isak immortalized the way Even's eyes looked in the darkness and the image was locked in a box in his heart, sealed there forever. His hand was resting on Even's chest and he could hear the boy's heartbeats. They seemed to be more frequent every time Isak came closer, pressed his lips against Even's. Isak smiled as he pulled away. Even smiled back. They were like that for a while and then Isak put his head on Even's chest as he spoke quietly, "My parents are coming home this Friday. Would you like to meet them?" There was a doubt in his voice. An uncertainty. Fear, almost. His breathing got a bit shaky. At least until Even spoke, "I would love to. What are they like?" Isak seemed to think his answer through. He chuckled quietly before answering, "They're amazing. You'll love them. And they'll love you. You know, one time when I was little, they took me to a carnival and I wanted to go on the ferris wheel, but my mum is afraid of heights, yet both my parents came with me and my dad held my mum's hand the entire time so she wouldn't be scared. And later he bought us all ice cream. That's the most vivid memory from my childhood. And I think about that all the time. I am scared that my mum's gonna steal you from me though." Isak found Even staring at him with pure affection. "I don't think anyone could Ever steal me from you. And they sound lovely. I can't wait to meet them." With that, Even closed the gap between them and kissed Isak soft and gentle. One hand behind his head, the other on his lower back, pulling him closer. Isak's both hands were now clutching at the front of Even's shirt as they kissed and kissed and kissed and Isak was pretty sure he was in heaven. Every touch on his skin sent sparks through his body, every kiss was like a firework. Even's lips were soft against his, and Even's body fit against his perfectly. As if they were made to be like this. Like two puzzle pieces. At that moment, there was no weight on their shoulders, no responsibilities, no mistakes. Just the two of them, together, just as they were supposed to be. And soon the kisses turned to quiet breaths and snores and they were tangled together on Isak's bed, still in their clothes. But in some way, it was perfect.

***

And yet another day in school with a hangover. Nice. As the five boys walked into the school that morning, the lights were too bright, the people too loud and the time too early. Through the halls, they were scattering off one by one to their respective classes, the only ones who were left together were Isak and Jonas. As they got to their classroom, they were told they had a free period, so they headed to a coffee shop nearby to load their batteries. Or just soak them in caffeine. Either way, it could maybe help them survive the day. They ordered their coffees and when they received them, went to sit at a little table in the corner of the shop. It was more quiet and calm. Neither of them said anything for a while. 

"If we hadn't been there last night, you and Even would've --?"

"Yup."

"But haven't yet?"

"Nope."

"But you're actually ready this time?"

"Yes."

"Sure?"

"Positive."

Isak appreciated the concern. It was a thing between them. To look after each other. That's how they'd always been. Supportive, protective, and always had each other's backs, no questions asked. So now they were engaging in conversation about everything that'd been going on in their lives until a girl with butterscotch coloured hair approached their table with a curious look.

"Jonas?"

Jonas turned around in an instant. Isak had never seen this girl before so how did he know Jonas.

"Eva?"

Now it made sense. Jonas got up and enveloped the girl in a hug. She looked so happy to see him. Isak smiled at that. Jonas introduced them and soon she had her own coffee and they were chatting away, but Eva kept getting messages and looking annoyed at her phone, sometimes laughing and shaking her head. When three messages came in a row, she groaned and cursed under her breath.

"Who is so desperately trying to contact you?"

"It's this guy, my friend, Even."

Isak and Jonas shared a look but Eva didn't notice.

"He's dating this boy, but doesn't know how to tell him he's in love with him. He's scared the boy won't feel the same way or some shit. But from what I've heard they're just a pair of lovesick teenagers and I keep telling him to just tell the boy but he's too stubborn."

Isak sent Jonas a look. They both knew. This couldn't have been a coincidence. Neither of them knew what to say, but Jonas broke the silence anyway, "Tell him to get it over with. If the boy won't feel the same way then he can just move on. It's not fair to get dragged along." Eva started typing and a minute later there was another notification.

"Nope. I give up. I'm done. He's just too damn stubborn. If he can't deal with it then it's his own damn problem."

They all laughed. Isak had a great free period. He was happy for Jonas because Eva was nice. Isak could see how she was friends with Even. They shared quite a few traits. There was something about the way Eva looked at Jonas, that made Isak think of how Even looked at him. She talked about her love for art and Isak couldn't stop smiling. The way she and Jonas looked at each other. In a way, Isak could now understand why their friends were always the way they were around him and Even. But he didn't care. He was happy. That was all that mattered. When they got back to school, Isak didn't mention Eva. Neither did Jonas. But the way Isak looked at Even was a bit different. Even noticed, but didn't mention it. Isak knew he had to tell him sometime soon. How could this boy not know how in love Isak was with him?

***

They were driving home from school. Or, well, to Isak's place. But it didn't really matter. When they were together, every place was home. Even's hand was once again on Isak's thigh, Isak's fingers intertwined with his.

"My parents are coming home tonight. Are you nervous to meet them?"

"Of course. But I mean, they raised you, they must be some fantastic people."

Isak squeezed Even's hand and chuckled. He was a bit scared, but mostly excited. Even was gonna meet his parents. Even, the possible love of his life was going to meet his parents, the most important people in his life. There were jitters in his stomach. The good kind. As they pulled up to Isak's house, Isak heard a notification. He pulled out his phone and read the text. Even saw Isak's face drop.

"Babe? You okay?"

Mamma:

Your dad had an accident and he's currently in the hospital. Everything will be okay, his leg is just in a cast, but we won't be home for another month. Sending you money and love, mamma <3

Isak:

tell dad hi from me !! hope he gets well soon, love you both a ton <3

Isak showed Even the text. Even leaned over to kiss his cheek.

"It's okay, baby. Your dad will be okay and i'll meet your parents as soon as they get back. Besides, you now have the house for another month."

Isak smiled at that and they got out of the car, Isak leading way to the door. So, another month. it would be criminal not to use this time wisely. Isak was ready to kiss Even breathless, but seems that the boy was already gone, finding food from the kitchen. Isak went after him and found Even holding a tub of ice cream and two spoons.

"Movie?"

"Hell yeah."

Watching the movie didn't last very long. They finished the ice cream and cuddled for a while, but soon cuddling turned to kissing, and kissing turned to making out. So the movie was turned off, both boys were gasping into the kiss, Even on top of Isak, propped up on his elbows. Isak's fingers were messing up Even's hair, small whines leaving his lips and getting lost in Even's mouth. Isak scrambled for Even's back to pull the boy flush against him, and that's when he felt something against his hip. Even pulled away from the kiss, blushing and stuttering.

"Uh, sorry, yeah, uh, we can stop?"

Isak pulled him back. Kissed the question off of his lips, a whisper dropping a silent question hidden in a statement.

"My room. Bed."

Even was a bit taken aback, but he didn't have time to question it when Isak was pulling him up and towards his room. When they got through the door, Even regained control and pushed Isak up against the wall, hands lifting thighs and then Isak's legs were gripping his waist, hips grinding into his. He dropped his head to Isak's neck where he sucked another mark. Isak let out a needy whine that morphed into a groan. Even pulled his lips away from the glistening purple mark, voice low and gravelly under Isak's ear.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

That was all he needed to walk Isak to the bed and push him onto the mattress. Toned body fit between Isak's legs perfectly and then their lips were connected again, pulling apart only to rid of their shirts, now kissing and touching and _feeling_. Skin on skin, groans and gasps. Nails running down a chest and Isak was already so gone. Then the pants went and the thin material of the boxers was the only thing between them. Slow grinding, hips dragging heavy and lazy, again and again and again. And then the boxers were gone and Isak was reaching in his bedside drawer, handing Even lube and a condom. And then Even was kissing down his jaw, his neck, his torso, and Isak was letting out low whines through his teeth. Teeth sinking into his hips, tongue licking over the marks, then biting into his inner thigh and Isak was gasping and squirming. And then Isak had one, two, three of Even's fingers stretching him open and his head was thrown back, neck pulsing, chest heaving. Then Even was lining up and pushing in and a gasp got stuck in Isak's throat. A pause, to let him adjust, and then there were whispered pleas and cries and Even was pulling back out, along with Isak's sanity and pushing back in with more force and Isak's back arched, a string of curses leaving his lips. Hips shoving in deeper and deeper and deeper and lips on his neck and chest and hands in places they hadn't been before and loud moans and gasps and groans, contrasted by low whispers and grunts and Isak could barely register the hands on his hips, could only feel the fire in his stomach, the weight in his throat. And then Even was whispering things in his ear that Isak never knew he needed to hear but he did, and his nails were leaving lines on Even's back, whines permanently conserved in Even's mind. Sweaty bodies sliding together, hips rolling, pushing in fast and heavy. Cracking voices leaving desperate whines, bodies moving erratically, frantically. Low moans, loud screams. Pleas and whispers.  _Even, Even, Even._  Shoving in faster, whimpers getting caught in gasps. _Isak, fuck._ Eyes rolling back, hands clutching sheets and Isak could barely focus his gaze on Even's face before his vision went white, back arching, a loud moan leaving his throat. One, two, three more pushes in and Even was pulling out and laying next to Isak. Fingers intertwined, a lingering kiss. Then Even pulled his shirt from the floor to wipe off the mess on Isak's stomach and sweat. Duvet pullet on top of heaving bodies, still catching their breaths. Another kiss, sweet and soft. And then Even was pulling Isak into his embrace, a kiss on top of his curls and Isak was already breathing softly. Eyes closed. Soft gasps. A stuttered breath.

"Hey, Even." quiet, hushed.

"Hm?"

"I'm in love with you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wwwwhelp


	11. Falling into your ocean eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a minute uhh sorry ? I've been crazy busy and i got super sick this weekend so i couldn't write and i'm currently still kinda sick so enjoy this mess i wrote on my phone. Also I have no furter storyline or plot thought out for this so ? Don't expect any great things bc it will probably be a fluffy ass mess from now on.

"Oh great, now that you're awake, uh, fuck you."

Even barely had time to open his eyes before Isak's voice registered in his mind and he was left staring at a still blurry Isak in confusion.

"Excuse me?"

"Damn well excuse you, I can't go out like this!"

Now Even was seeing a bit more clearly and,  _oh,_ he made pained face and squeaked out an apology. When he managed to convince Isak to get back to bed, he ran his fingers over the dark purple and red blooming marks on Isak's neck and chest. Those really were intense. He started kissing and biting over the marks as Isak giggled and tried to break free. Even's hands slowly wandered lower over the faint bruises on Isak's hips and when he pressed his thumb into a fairly sensitive spot on the boy's inner thigh, Isak jolted and gave Even a chance to pin him down under himself. Isak responded by wrapping his legs around Even's hips and pulling him down so now there was no space left between the two. Even smiled down at Isak and all Isak could see were those eyes. Blue as the ocean. He swore he could see the waves of Even's thoughts and dreams crashing against the border of his mind. It was as if his eyes held the deepest mysteries and secrets that were there for only Isak to find. With those thoughts, the eyes were out of sight again, soft lips leaving trails of shivers down Isak's torso and then the head of fluffy, golden hair disappeared under the covers and Isak was left gasping.

Thirty minutes passed and two slightly sweaty boys with flushed cheeks and swollen lips were making their way towards the shower, giggling and kissing. It was at this point they heard a noise from the kitchen. Almost like someone was setting down a cup. Even was quick to push Isak behind him and slowly make his way down the stairs, the other boy following close behind. Neither of them really wanted to enter the kitchen, but curiosity was stronger than fear and suddenly they were met with a pair of tired eyes and a quiet greeting.

"Ayy you finished! Isak you really should tone down the volume a little, geez."

Isak and Even were now facing a clearly hungover Jonas who obviously knew what they'd just been up to. Needless to say, they were now blushing for a whole different reason that they had been a few minutes earlier. Isak tried to speak, but his voice came out way too wrecked. Both boys blushed again at that as Jonas just stared at them with an amused face. Even slowly wrapped his arm around Isak's small frame and pulled him closer, kissed the top of his head.

"I think he wanted to ask what the hell you're doing here."

Even's voice was nearly normal, to which Jonas cocked an eyebrow and Isak blushed even deeper.

"I came from a party, too drunk to go home so I crashed on the couch. But more importantly, judging by what I think went on up there, shouldn't both your voices be fucked? Unless - nevermind."

Isak didn't think his cheeks could get any more pink, but when Even bit his lip and squeezed his ass, he felt every cell in his body heating up and suddenly both Even and Jonas were laughing as Isak flipped them off and grumbled something about making coffee. Shower forgotten, they all sat down to have breakfast. Isak was still remaining silent and at one point snuggled into Even's side and the boy wrapped a strong arm around him. They had coffee and leftover pizza from god knows when and as it turned out, Isak's mum had texted Jonas about their situation before she'd texted Isak and when Isak made a noise of protest, Even kissed it right off his lips. And when Jonas made a comment about the hickeys, both boys made incoherent sounds in unison, and all three laughed at that. It was amazing how it only took a week for them to slot into a domestic routine. Always knowing what the other was going to do or what the other needed without questions asked. And when Jonas left, they finally had time for a shower. Even's eyes barely left Isak's body as the boy stripped his clothes and as soon as they were off, his hands were all over him. Isak laughed and tried to push him off but Even had a strong grip on his waist, so he pulled Isak closer and pressed their lips together. Isak's hands stilled and he slid them up to wrap around Even's neck. Lips moving together turned to tongues exploring and Isak was slowly but surely getting the clothes that he could off of Even. Which were actually just boxers because it was kind of impossible to get off his shirt without pulling their lips apart. But Isak kept kissing him and sliding his hands under Even's t-shirt as if he could never get enough. And Even kept kissing him back because who would waste the oppurtunity to kiss Isak? So they kept their lips pressed against each other's, hands wandering all over, gasps and smiles getting lost somewhere in between. When they finally pulled apart, Isak tore Even's shirt off and when Even leaned back in, Isak gave him a little peck and sprinted towards the shower with Even following behind. He barely had time to turn on the shower before two toned arms were wrapping tightly around his body, and then a stream of cold water splased in his face and Even scrambled to change the water temperature. As soon as the water was warm enough, Isak melted into Even's embrace, feeling the cherry tinted, swollen lips on his neck. Hands up and down his chest, on his sides, his waist, his hips, moving back up to tangle in his hair as he tilted his head back to kiss those plush lips again. 

He let Even wash his hair, revelling in the feeling of those strong hands in his curls, letting his body go rigid leaning against Even's chest. When Even got done washing Isak's hair and tried to peel the boy off his body to wash himself, Isak just clung on tighter and sank his teeth into Even's collarbone, smirking at the fast intake of breath from above him, feeling Even's grip on his curls tighten. He pressed his face closer to Even's body and mumbled something incoherent.

"Baby, I can't really hear you like this."

Isak lifted his head a bit and one corner of his mouth quirked up.

"I said that you're way too fucking hot for this world."

Even responded with a bright, surprised laughter, kissed Isak's forehead and rested his chin on top of Isak's head.

"Sometimes I wonder how I got so damn lucky."

They stayed like that until the water got cold, and as soon as Even had a towel around his hips, he was messing Isak's hair with a towel as Isak stood helplessly and just took it until Even kissed his cheek, which made a small smile bloom on his lips. No words were needed as they made it back to Isak's bedroom and fell together perfectly, Isak draped over Even, hand and face on his chest, listening to his heartbeats, legs tangled, Even's hand in his hair.

"I've been thinking about what you said last night. How did you even-?"

"I met Eva. Jonas' Eva. Eva Kviig Mohn," Even's eyebrows shot up at that "she told us what her friend Even was texting her."

Even smiled blushed a bit as he remembered what he'd told her.

"But if it hadn't been for her, would you have told me?"

"Yes. But not yet. I wouldn't have had the courage. But I do love you, Even."

"I love you too, baby."

The kisses they shared that afternoon were soft. Lingering. Like wind on an autumn evening. The sunrise in mid July. Gentle and careful yet held every feeling and promise. Every kiss had a meaning. A purpose. Nothing was messy, uncoordinated. Their chests moved in sync as if made to be like that. Hearts beating as if only for each other. It was hours before they moved again. It was difficult for them to get untangled. Fall back to reality. But it had all become so easy in such a short time. As Isak sat on the counter of the kitchen, watching Even cook, Even caught his gaze and smiled. Isak loved that smile. The way Even's eyes crinkled and his teeth were showing a bit. Isak knew he would die for that smile. That he would die for that boy. Especially as the boy turned off the stove and spread Isak's thighs to make room for himself between them, cradled Isak's face in his hands before kissing it all over and then finally connecting their lips, making Isak's body pull towards Even. Then there were hands on his waist and Isak felt like kissing was all they knew how to do anymore. But it was fine by him. And when Even's legs tangled with his own under the dinner table, he just smiled and his cheeks tinted a pretty rose shade. Because it was them. But all this cliche, movie scenery made Isak feel on edge. As if it was all going to crash in a minute. As if something or someone was going to jump in and ruin it. Those were the thoughts he kept in the back of his head, but those thoughts still pained him. The look in those sky blue eyes made something in him break a little. Something in Even's soothing voice next to him on his bed set free a single tear. A tear that Even wiped away with a concerned face and a 'what's wrong?' and then the tear wasn't alone as Isak silently cried into Even's shoulder because something felt wrong. Nothing could be perfect forever and something was bound to give in. So Even just held him and whispered sweet nothings in his ear until Isak calmed down enough to speak.

"I feel like it's all going to crash any second. Like something is going to give in and it's gonna be over. I don't want to lose this."

Even's embrace grew stronger and there was a certain fragile tone to his voice as he spoke,

"You won't. I promise, baby. I love you so much. And i'm never letting anything take you away from me. Ever. I swear."

"I love you." It was barely audible but Even heard it. He heard it in his mind and his chest. Left the ghost of his lips on Isak's face to guard his angels and fight his devils. All he wanted was for Isak to be happy. Nothing less. Nothing more. A few more tears were shed. Smiles shared. Careful kisses. Gentle touches. Soon they were asleep with Even wrapped protectively around Isak to remind him that he was there to stay. And he meant it. And Isak knew that now. And they slept. Isak dreamed of ocean blue eyes and waves pulling him under. Crashing over his head and cutting off his oxygen. But he didn't need to breathe anymore. He was ready to drown in that ocean. Ready to drown in Even.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was kinda shit i'm sorry


	12. The boys, the girls, they all like Carmen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been listening to 'Carmen' by Lana Del Rey on repeat for hours i'm so in love with that song so here's a chapter inspired somewhat by it ?? (also lets uhhhh turn up that rating another notch hmmm bye)

Whispers. Quiet and loud. Fingers pointed. Isak fell deeper into Even's embrace, hid the marks of his loved one from the curious eyes, hid his memories of this wild boy in the crook of Even's arm, tucked under the sleeve of his leather jacket thrown over Isak's shoulder, keeping him close and hidden. There were raised eyebrows and whistles. Isak's cheeks tinted the color of the rose on his shirt. Emerald greens shooting towards the floor, avoiding the knowing gazes, making the howls grow louder. The hand around his body squeezed tighter, sanity rushing back. He was safe. He was here. With Even. Even who had promised to love him. To protect him. To stay with him. The corner of his mouth quirked up a little, eyes lifted, chin tilted towards the taller boy, neck craning up, taller, to reach, to meet his eyes and ask a silent question. Even answered, met his lips and as the cheers erupted, flipped them all off. It seems that the crowd got what they wanted as the hallway returned to normal. Small groups forming and merging, falling apart in places. Some quiet, some loud. Some laughing, some fighting. A typical high school. Isak and Ever were stood by the latter's locker, Isak against it, Even leaning over him. They were laughing and kissing and playing the part of every cliche high school movie couple. The bad boy wins over the sweet, innocent soul. Although Isak was far from sweet and innocent. But that's what they looked like. Even with his ripped black jeans and leather jacket, Isak in his tight blue jeans and white t-shirt with a picture of a rose. It was a t-shirt that Even had got him on Sunday. Even loved how it looked on his boyfriend. And Isak loved the dangerous glint in Even's eyes every time the boy looked at him. He felt precious. Cared for. Adored. Felt Even's fingers messing up his hair, running through the strands of golden blonde, gaze drifting between his green eyes glazed over and his lips, pink and swollen from kisses, bites and something else that no one but them has to know about. Somehow their reckless sides contrasted the sweet souls they really held inside. Wild, wild, wild, but oh so soft. They fit with each other, fit everywhere they went. The two of them, always side by side. The crowds in the hallway were starting to get restless, laughter dying down in the last five minutes before the first bell. Everyone was fidgeting, starting to gather their things when there was a loud slam of a door. Suddenly all looks were on one spot. One person. Isak couldn't see the front door of the building from where they were were standing, but judging by the moving gazes, the object of interest was moving down the hallway towards them and soon they would too get to see this magical being. And then she walked into sight. The way she walked was as if everything was in slow motion. This girl. Long legs wrapped in black skinny jeans, skimpy pink crop top left nearly nothing to the imagination, high heels looking like murder weapons. Her dark brown hair was in a perfect messy bun, lips pursed and painted a cherry red. Every inch of her being was carefully carved and considered, put together and painted over. When Even turned around to get a glimpse of what caught everyone else's attention, the girl caught his eyes, winked, smirked and walked on, leaving an echo of her footsteps and a trail of perfume. Every boy and girl was left wide-eyed, jaws dropped open, dreamy glances shot at where the mystery girl had disappeared. Only Isak was shooting daggers with his look, tongue pierced between teeth, cheeks getting hot. Even grabbed his face before Isak could run after her. He saw the insecurity, the doubt, the fear that he'd seen a few days before.  _Something is bound to fall apart._ Even had promised him that it would be okay. Even was going to keep that promise. He kissed Isak so deeply and surely that Isak's knees gave in just a little and Even crowded him against the locker, no space between them. No space for doubts, distractions or mysterious girls. With that, the bell rang and one last kiss set the boys apart, each moving towards their own classroom.

***

"I know trouble, and she is it."

"Yeah, Sana, that was pretty obvious, but what the hell am I supposed to do?"

"There's nothing you can do. But you and Even love each other. No random chick is going to screw that up, trust me."

"Did you even see her? She's fucking perfect."

" _No one_ is perfect, Isak. And she seems far from it. Winking at the one boy who was obviously dating? Desperate need for attention. Looking like a runway model on a Monday morning? Hiding deep insecurities. Amd the way she showed up out of the blue? I don't even want to know what happened in her last school.

"How do you get all that from just a damn look?"

"I helped her find her classroom earlier. Up close you could see her real self. Tired and quite frankly over everything. She was smiling but it was obvious. You shouldn't be intimidated. You should feel sorry for her."

"I wish I could. But she winked at my boyfriend."

Sana laughed at that. Dimples popping and eyes crinkling. Isak laughed too. Sana made her forget about the devil on five inch heels a few classrooms away. By some miracle they actually got some work done in class which was a rare occurrence. By the time the bell rang, the girl in the pink top had left Isak's head completely. He packed his stuff, gave a quick hug to Sana and set off to find his gorgeous boyfriend. As he walked through the halls he spotted said boyfriend facing the other way, leaning on the wall and talking to someone. As Isak walked closer he could spot a pink top. The girl was batting her eyelashes at Even, eyebrows raised and lips slightly pursed. Isak could physically feel the resentment in his bones. But he decided to play nice. Or, actually, kinda petty, but still not mean. So he walked up from behind Even, slid an arm around his back, snuggled to his side. He could see something in the girl's eyes change but she kept smiling. Wide and fake. Her eyes landed on the hickeys on Isak's neck and her lip twitched for a split second. Even took this moment to introduce the two.

"This is Isak, my boyfriend."

"Oh, so nice to meet you! I'm Carmen. Carmen Strom."

She held out her hand and Isak took it. There was something in her voice. Something uptight and uncomfortable. Isak smiled a little at the thought that he might have caused that. He felt Even kiss the top of his head and felt Carmen's eyes burning a hole in his skull where Even's lips had just been.

"So you guys are dating? That's soo  _cute,_ " she dragged on the 'cute' in a way that made Isak's insides twist. Her smile was faltering. Isak could what Sana was talking about. "If I had known, I wouldn't have winked at Even. Maybe." She started laughing and put his hand on Even's arm. Even conveniently turned away from her touch and held on to Isak tighter. No way in hell would he let this girl between them. But she kept trying to get Even alone. Kept trying to make a move. To flaunt her chest and lips and legs. But Even wasn't having it. Isak didn't know that. So he just clung onto every kiss and 'i love you' until the day finished. He dragged Even out of the school so fast that he could barely register it. Isak let him be while he was driving. But still held his hand. A bit tighter than usual. There was something different about his voice, his breathing. Even knew what it was.

"She's not gonna come between us, you know?"

"I guess."

"I love you, Isak. You know that. Some random ex isn't going to ch-"

"Woah oh oh, stop. Some random  _what_ now?"

"Uhm, me and Carmen dated a while back, didn't I tell you before?"

"No!? So you guys used to fuck and now she's magically here and clearly wants you back."

"She's a player. She wants nothing more than a little attention. Trust me."

"I trust you. But I don't trust her."

Even sighed as he pulled into the driveway of Isak's house.

"Do you want me over or should I go?"

"You know damn well i'm a needy bitch so come on."

Even laughed at that. Isak laughed too. He unlocked the front door and as they got in, Even barely had time to take off his shoes before Isak was dropping to his knees, eyes locked with Even's as he reached for the boy's zipper and Even's eyebrows shot up, lips curling in a smirk. Damn, sure, he was not expecting it but he sure as hell was okay with this. Especially as Isak pushed Even against the wall and got the boy's pants down exactly as much as he needed. Even's head fell back against the wall as Isak kissed and bit along his hips and then his tongue slowly licked along the underside of his cock, swirled around the tip and moved back, not doing nearly enough. Warm breaths sending shivers up his spine. Quiet whines leaving Isak's mouth. Even's fingers threaded through Isak's hair and pulled gently, coaxing a groan out of his pretty mouth. Then the dazed green looked back up at him, locked their gazes as he took Even into his mouth in one fluid movement, making Even's eyes slip shut and a low moan tumble from his lips. His lips were shiny, slick with spit and a pretty dark red color as he moved them so expertly, tongue pressing on all the right places, cheeks hollowed. Even's breathing was ragged and his grip on Isak's hair tightened, making the boy let out a whine which sent vibrations through his cock, a gasp from his throat. Isak's eyes were still locked on his as he looked back down, but the sight Even's gaze caught was one that forced him to bite his lip to stop himself from coming right there and then. Isak was working his head over Even's cock, lips stretched pretty and red. But one of his hands was frantically moving over the bulge in his pants, making his own eyes roll back and his mouth work faster, deeper. Even felt every whine, every moan. Isak was moving slower now, more carefully, more thought out. He was looking up at Even with those big, innocent, watery eyes and that's what sent Even over the edge. He came into Isak's mouth with a loud groan and Isak swallowed every last drop as his hand on himself kept moving and he smirked up at Even. The boy pulled Isak to his feet to kiss him breathless and push him against the wall, shove at Isak's pants until he could get a hand on his dick as Isak whined needily and squirmed against the surface. Even used one hand to lock both Isak's arms in place above his head, the other to make Isak's knees weak. Even latched his mouth onto a patch of skin on Isak's collarbone and Isak was gone, letting out a string of curses and shooting up Even's wrist. He fell against the wall as Even kissed him again, tongue pulling out all sanity Isak had left. Replacing it with _Even, Even, Even._ They were both worn out and exhausted so it was no surprise that ten minutes later they were asleep, cuddled up on Isak's bed.

***

"Isak i'm telling you that you have nothing to worry about."

"Okay but how can I be so sure?"

"What the fuck do you mean by that? You don't trust me? Is that it?"

"Well I do remember how we started."

"Are you fucking kidding me? Are you seriously using that as an argument right now? So you've just never trusted me because of that?"

"I do, but,  _fuck,_ Even, I see how she looks at you. You two have a past. And she clearly knows how that's affecting me. Yet you keep letting her get what she fucking wants."

"Carmen is the past, Isak. I feel nothing for her now. But I can't just cut her out of my life like that."

"Whatever, I can't be bothered to deal with this shit right now."

Isak started walking away but Even grabbed his arm.

"I love you, okay?"

Isak just gave him a mocking fake smile and responded in a bitter voice,

"Great."

Then he pulled away and walked off, leaving Even confused and hurt.  _So this is how it starts._

***

Isak hated himself for what he'd said. For what he'd done. But he was not giving in. Even was the one letting this chick climb all over him when Isak was clearly affected. He was pouting in the cafeteria while Jonas tried to cheer him up until he caught sight of Even. Even and Carmen. Walking in together. Laughing. Something in Isak's gut twisted and he felt sick. They were just standing next to each other but the mere thought of this girl next to Even made his skin crawl. He watched them from across the room. Watched them sit at Even's friends' table. Watched Carmen's eyes land on him as she smirked, the look in her eyes almost a dare and the way she 'accidentally' brushed up against Even every three seconds was making Isak's cheeks heat up. Even must have noticed what she was doing. But he just didn't care. He let this girl tear up all Isak's insides until he felt the food coming back up and he bolted to the nearest bathroom to puke. When Jonas followed him, he gave Isak no choice and said he was taking him home. When they walked through the cafeteria, Even and Carmen were gone. Isak felt another painful knot in his stomach. Twisting and poking and making him bleed inside out. When Isak was in Jonas' car, he cried. Isak didn't say anything and neither did Jonas. Isak was lucky to have a friend like that. Someone who supports you no matter what. Jonas took him upstairs and let Isak crawl into his lap on Isak's bed as he carefully combed his fingers through Isak's hair. He let Isak cry for a while. Let him calm down. Stayed in the silence for a while before he finally spoke,

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

Jonas sighed. "You'll work though this. I know."

"Thank you."

Isak's voice was tiny and he curled up smaller and fell asleep to the feeling of fingers carded through his curls, the sound of Jonas' soothing voice telling him it would be okay. When he woke up, it was dark. Jonas was gone but he'd left a note, 'call me if u need anything and i'll be there'. Isak checked his phone. Even hadn't even bothered to check in on him. Isak put his phone back down. It was late, anyway. So when he fell asleep, maybe his pillow got a little bit wet. But Even didn't even care about him. So it was justified.

***

As it turned out, fighting with Isak was a lot harder than it seemed. It had been days since they last properly spoke. Even was in constant pain and he couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to apologize. But how could he do that when Carmen was still here, making Isak feel like shit? He really didn't want to just cut someone out of his life. So he opted for letting it all blow over and avoiding both Carmen and Isak as much as he could until then. But how could Isak not know that Carmen had nothing against him? That Isak was the only one Even ever wanted. Even was so deeply in love with Isak and this boy kept worrying about some random chick. Isak was it for Even. And nothing could change that. So why did it have to be so hard?

Even was sitting alone outside of school after his classes finished, hoping to talk to Isak. Tell him what he was feeling. He was done fighting and he really, really needed a kiss from the boy that he loved. He had a cigarette between his lips, the only thing that could calm his nerves when he didn't have Isak. When he heard footsteps, his head snapped towards the sound, but,  _oh,_ it was certainly not the person he wanted to see.

"Even, hi! Waiting for someone?"

Even took the last drag out of his cigarette and then crushed it on the ground with his foot.

"Yes, my boyfriend."

He heard Carmen sigh. Saw her roll her eyes.

"Aw, you two are still together? He clearly doesn't trust you, Even. I mean come on. He hasn't been able to apologize for days and you don't find that weird?"

"He's not the one who should apologize. It's me. And i'm going to. So if you would please leave me to it, that would be great."

Only one of them noticed a third person approaching. It wasn't Even.

"But  _Even,_ we were so good together. You know that." Carmen's hand found a place on Even's chest. She moved closer, lifted her chin only slightly. "You know you miss this. He has nothing on me. What do you say? Just one last kiss. He doesn't have to know."

Even looked into those big, grey eyes. Lifted his hand to hold the one on his chest. He smiled, head tilting slightly. He could see everything this girl was trying to hide so desperately. The evil, the hurt. Could read every little piece of her like a book. And she just batted her lashes and leaned closer. Even leaned forward, face inching towards Carmen's as he stopped, their lips a bare inch apart. And then he spoke,

"Don't  _ever_ touch me again. Stay out of my life and don't ever, _ever_ think you're better than Isak, because you're not. You're not even close. Now go."

There was a venom in Even's voice. Something that wasn't there often. He saw Carmen's face drop. Saw the spitefulness, the rage in her finally surface a little as he cursed at Even and angrily walked away. Even just stood there. Not sure what to do or where to go. Until suddenly someone was throwing their arms around his neck, pressing their lips together. Isak. Even had missed the softness of his lips, the little sound Isak made every time Even grabbed his waist, missed the way he smiled into their kiss when he was happy, missed the taste of Isak. He felt it all now. Isak's warmth underneath his fingertips, against his body. Isak's hands in his hair, teeth biting into his lower lip, tongues regaining confidence, leaving imprints of themselves in each other's mouths. Even has missed it so much. And now that Isak was in his arms again, he knew nothing could ever beat that feeling.

"Hey, mh, Even." mumbled between kisses.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Now they were both grinning, lips slotting together. And it was all they needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just have to end every chapter on a good note, don't i?  
> ALSO !!! @everyone who takes the time to comment on my work: i love you all so so so much I read every comment but uhhh social anxiety and all that jazz makes me too nervous to reply but just know that I see u, i appreciate u and i love u !! and this goes to everyone even just reading !! thank u all so so so much i hope you have a fantastic day babes!!!


	13. Falling down, down, down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some warnings for this chapter: some mentions of violence, Isak has flashbacks to *That Night*, drug related issues and a lot of crying  
> (but also some smut, soft best friend content and a whole lot of fluff to make up for it)  
> (I wrote the ending at 3 am it's all kinda vague I know but there will be explanations in the nest chapter also i haven't proofread this so lmk if there r mistakes okay toodles)

"Eviiii, where are you going??" Isak whined from his spot under the sheets, eyes drifting over his boyfriend who'd had the  _audacity_ to stand up and leave Isak alone in bed.

"Just going to get food, baby." Even's voice was calm and soothing and Isak nearly let him get away until he remembered that he was, in fact, very cold and now very grumpy, so he made grabby hands at Even, demanding his attention.

"No you're not. You're gonna come back to bed and you're going to cuddle me."

Even's eyebrows shot up as he let out a bubbly surprised laughter. He walked back to kneel next to the bed, in front of Isak. He intertwined their fingers and rubbed their noses together. Isak let out a small satisfied sound.

"It's like 12:30, you really should get up, Issy."

Isak choked on his own spit at the nickname. He'd never heard Even call him that. And holy fuck, did it send a rush down his spine.

"You've never called me that before."

Even pursed his lips as he looked at Isak,

"I guess I haven't. You don't like it?"

"I do. Like a lot."

Even smiled and leaned in for a quick kiss.

"Well that's good then, Issy."

This time Isak grabbed his face and pulled him in for a proper kiss, licking into each other's mouths slowly until Isak pulled away smiling, cheeks flushed. Even used this moment to slide his hands under the duvet and then he had Isak in his arms in a matter of seconds, the latter cursing and protesting loudly.

"Even put me down you dick I was comforta-"

Even shut him up with a kiss and Isak went pliant in his arms, melted into his embrace and carded his fingers through Even's hair as Even started walking them downstairs. Isak made a noise of protest when Even pulled away so he opted for biting his collarbone instead. Even's grip on him tightened and he gasped, making Isak smile and do it again, leaving a trail of bites and kisses across his chest until Even planted him on a counter in the kitchen. Isak whined when Even let go of him, wrapping his arms around the boy's waist and pulling him back between his spread legs. Even made a surprised sound but gave in nonetheless, wrapping his arms around Isak and pressing their lips together. Isak wrapped his legs around the boy's waist, reveling in his warmth. He pulled the boy as close as he could, not allowing any space between them. And so they kissed and kissed and kissed until Even pulled away a bit, foreheads still pressed together.

"What has gotten into you today?"

"Well not you. Yet."

Now it was Even's time to choke on his tongue, eyebrows shooting up. Isak laughed and buried his face in Even's neck, inhaling the scent of his body wash, cologne and something distinctly Even. He sank his teeth into the boy's pulse point and Even groaned, reluctantly pulling away, leaving Isak grumpy and disappointed.

"Breakfast, Issy. That's what we came for."

"Fuck breakfast. No, actually, fuck me."

Even let out a chuckle as he shook his head.

"Food, baby. You need food."

"But why do I need food if there's something else i'd much rather be putting in my mouth?" Isak whined, and then further demonstrated his point by sucking two of his fingers as far into his mouth as he could while maintaining eye contact with Even.

Even pursed his lips, took a moment to think, eyes staring ahead blankly. And then mumbled a quick 'fuck it', dove back in to grab Isak's thighs and pull him off the counter, maintaining sloppy kisses as he dumped Isak onto the empty kitchen table, fingers sneaking under the hem of his t-shirt, sliding up over soft skin and pulling the fabric with it. They broke apart only long enough to rid of their shirts and then they were licking into each other's mouths again, Isak gasping and moaning into it now as Even's hands pulled his hips closer, grinding against him. Isak felt Even's hard on against his own which made him whine even more desperately, especially as Even pulled away from the kiss to trail tiny bites and hickeys down his jaw, his neck, and then moving lower, lips ghosting over his torso, his stomach, and stopping at the waistband of his boxers. He looked up at Isak who was staring down with half-lidded eyes, mouth open, gasps and moans tumbling past his swollen lips, cheeks tinted pink and hair messed up. Even lifted a hand to rub over the bulge in his pants and Isak fell backwards on the table, a loud moan escaping his throat. Even kept the movement of his hand slow, but strong enough it gave Isak exactly enough friction to drive him wild. He was pleading and begging,

" _Even, please, please, p l e a s e."_

Even decided to have mercy on him and tucked his fingers under the waistband of Isak's boxers, slipping them down his legs and onto the floor. He pulled Isak's legs over his shoulders, biting and sucking at his inner thighs, leaving red and purple marks which left Isak breathless and whimpering, fingers tangling in Even's hair. He slowly moved his mouth lower and lower until he was gripping Isak's thighs tight, tongue lapping over his hole, making Isak cry out, loud.

_"Fuck! Even, oh god!"_

He was scrambling for purchase on something, anything, knuckles turning white, gripping the edge of the table. Even continued working his tongue so expertly, making Isak babble incoherently, back arching off the table. He was mumbling something, too quiet to be heard at first, but Even soon caught his words,  _"Fuck me, please, fuck, Even, need - more."_ And who was Even to deny such a beautiful plea? He stood up from where he was kneeling, pulled Isak up and off the table, thighs gripping his hips tight enough to bruise, Isak's breath on his neck leaving tiny gasps. He walked them up and back to Isak's room where he threw Isak on the bed, crawling between his spread legs to reach for the bedside drawer, pulling out lube and a condom. When he looked down, Isak was staring up at him with lustful eyes with a tinge of something feverish. Something so urgent and needy. Even kissed the desperation off of Isak's lips as he slid two lubed up fingers into Isak, making the boy whimper into his mouth. He moved them in and out slowly until he could add a third one and pump them with ease. Then Isak was throwing his head back, begging, nails biting into Even's back. He pulled out his fingers and rolled on the condom, giving himself some relief before he'd actually pass out.

"Fuck, you ready?"

"Mhm. Uhh."

"Words, Issy."

"Fuck, uh, yeah, yes, please Evi, fuck m- AHH!"

Isak was cut off by Even pushing in, making all sanity leave his body, hand gripping Even's arm tight, mouth barely able to form words,

"Need -  _fuck -_ a moment,  _uhh._ "

Even slowed down his movements, waiting for Isak to adjust, chest heaving, jaw dropped open, and then he was nodding, giving Even permission to keep going, eyes rolling back as Even bottomed out, hips flush with his ass. 

"Mghm, you're so -  _uh, fuck -_ huge."

That made Even smile to himself, nipping at Isak's neck, biting and sucking as he pulled almost all the way out, pushing back in with more force. They settled into a nice rhythm, Isak letting out little 'ah's, eyes closed, head thrown back. Even was hitting Isak's sweet spot with nearly every thrust, leaving him breathless. He let his hands wander all over Isak's body, whispering praises,  _"Fuck, Issy, so good for me, baby. Look so pretty like this."_ Every word made Isak's moans a little louder, eyes rolling back. Even was sinking his fingers into Isak's hips, gripping tight, leaving marks, and Isak nearly sobbed with pleasure.  _"Harder, please, fuck - AAH!"_ Even took a shaky breath, hips moving at an erratic pace now, making Isak scream out, muffled by Even's lips, his tongue.

"Mpgh,  _faen,_ _Evi,_ gonna - gonna come -  _aaaggh."_

Even gripped his hips tighter, pounding even harder, even faster, so, so close, just before the fall, face dropping down, lips sending shivers below Isak's ear, whispering low and deep,

_"Hm, so pretty, Issy. Come for me, baby."_ Even growled, and Isak was gone, vision going blurry, shooting up his chest with a shout, back arching off the bed. He tightened around Even which sent the boy over the edge, hips stuttering, face tucked in the crook of his neck, teeth sinking into smooth skin. They stayed like that for some time, sweaty bodies molded together, lungs trying to grasp in oxygen. When Even finally had the energy to pull out, Isak winced.

"Uh, sorry."

Isak just laughed breathily and shook his head.

"Don't be."

Even smiled at him, leaning forward, lips slotting together gently, a heavy contrast to what they'd just done. Neither of them had the urge to move, Even still halfway on top of Isak, both boys grinning.

"I've got to be honest, the first time we did this, I didn't think you were even gonna fit. I was pretty damn scared."

Even laughed but his eyebrows knitted in concern.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I trusted you. And also I was scared of making it awkward."

Even laughed and shook his head. Then he dipped down to give Isak another kiss, a long, sweet one.

"This has been fun, but we should shower and then eat something. Isak whined, not wanting to get up, but still followed Even to the bathroom, letting the boy wash his torso, his arms, his hair, treating him as if he was about to break, so, so fragile. He liked Even taking care of him, loving him.

"Hey, Even."

"Yeah?"

"I really love you."

Even smiled, leaned down to peck Isak's lips, faces centimeters apart,

"I really love you too."

***

"Is, do you guys even do _anything_ besides sex?" Sana asked, a wild disbelieving look on her face.

"Uh, yes?" Isak was kind of confused to be honest, looking at Sana with knit eyebrows.

"Have you even seen yourself?"

When Sana's eyes drifted back to his neck, Isak realized what she was talking about and he flushed red, hands shooting up to cover the blue and purple marks littered all over his neck and chest.

"Those are all from one time."

Sana's eyes went wide at that and she snorted.

"You guys really go at it, geez."

"Oh, shut up."

Sana laughs, dimples popping at how ridiculous this was.

"I'm glad you're happy, though, Is."

"Thanks."

Isak gave her a smile, eyes brightening up. They didn't talk about it for the rest of class.

During lunch, it didn't go so easy. As soon as Isak and Even made it to their friends' lunch table, a loud 'ooooh' erupted. Isak's cheeks tinted pink and Even looked confused. That was, of course, until he caught a proper look at what they were all cheering at, to which he wrapped an arm around his boyfriend's shoulders, kissing the top of his head and grinning wide. Needless to say, Isak got so much shit from the boys over lunch. Even just laughed and kissed him constantly, not able to keep his hands off of Isak. This time, when Isak noticed Alex looking at them, he smiled at him and blew a kiss. Alex looked away. Isak leaned up to connect his lips with Even's.

***

Isak was sitting on a bench near school with Jonas. So much time had passed since they last had this. Time for themselves. A conversation. Both were caught up in puppy love and school and days seemed to be tearing them further away from each other. So now they were laughing, eyes crinkling, knees touching. Not much had to be said, just shared thoughts and stories, old patterns falling back to place. It was almost as if the puzzle pieces were starting to fit too well, too fast. Something had to tangle them up, drag it out. And now someone new was in sight, a distressed girl. It was the middle of the day and this young girl was stumbling through the streets, heels in hand, clothes slightly torn, her hair a mess. Her face was dragged down, eyes fallen deep into dark blue and purple. She was walking so tiredly, eyes glued to the ground, yet her feet were trying to drag her faster, away. Away from whatever dark force seemed to be following her. A cloud of thunder and rain. Both boys had their eyes glued to this - now achingly familiar - girl. Strands of her dark brown hair were stuck together by some sickening substance and her doe gray eyes glanced back, glazing over with a hint of tears, feet moving faster. Isak tore his gaze away from her and looked at whatever this girl was so afraid of. And that's when he noticed it. An even more familiar boy. A boy with dark brown hair and green eyes that were now dragged into a thin line, his jaw clenched, walking fast after the girl. Isak and Jonas looked at each other for a second, but the moment was interrupted by a loud shriek. There was now a girl on the ground, trying to get up, and a blood thirsty boy doubling his pace. The boys shot up in sync, running towards the girl who was now being dragged up by her hair, crying frantically. Then there was a pause in time before it all crashed down. Isak's fist collided with the boy's jaw, hard, living out all pent up anger and frustration. There were yells and curses and the boy was now on the ground, groaning.  
"Fucking dick."

He tried to get up, but Jonas had his foot pressed tight on the boy's chest, keeping him down. Isak took the chance to turn around, meeting a pair of panicked grey eyes.

"Carmen, fuck, what just happened? Are you okay?"

She looked at him. No jealousy left. No disgust or resentment. Just exhaustion.

"I-no-I have to go. Please don't tell anyone."

"Ca-"

Isak was interrupted by sounds of struggle and he turned his head to see Jonas pinning his opponent to the ground, the boy's cheek smushed to the dirty asphalt. Isak heard footsteps and then Carmen was gone, the other three remained still. At least until Isak's body started working again and he helped Jonas up, hauling the other boy to his feel by the back of his forearms, chest pressed to back, venomous words hissed through teeth.

"Now listen up, Alex, you're gonna stop struggling, go home, stay away from me, my friends and Carmen, unless you want me to call the police, clear?"

"Fucking let me go you asshole!"

Strong fingers pressed harder, leaving Alex groaning again.

"I said, is that clear?"

"Yes, fuck, now let me go."

Isak loosened his grip and pushed the boy forward, making him stumble. And he flipped them off before he was gone. Isak was still gasping for breath, the reality of what had happened not yet registering in his brain.Jonas now got a proper look at his best friend, eyes going wide before he rushed over and grabbed Isak's chin.

"Isak, your face."

Isak's brows furrowed.

"What do you mean?"

When Jonas ran a finger over his cheek, he felt a sting and flinched. Jonas gave him his phone and Isak looked at his reflection, jaw dropping a little. His bottom lip was split, a small gash on his cheek and a bruise forming right around it. It's not like Jonas looked a lot better, he just didn't have any open wounds on his face. He quickly rushed his best friend to the nearest tram station, shielding his face from curious people passing by. Isak felt weak. As soon as he'd seen his face, the pain rushed to him, making his head spin. Jonas held the cheek that wasn't cut on his chest, pressing Isak as close to his body as he could, chin resting on top of his head. When they made it back to Isak's house Jonas set him down on his bed, leaving just to getting a first aid kit, some water and painkillers. When he walked back through the door, Isak was sprawled out on the covers, tears staining his cheeks. Jonas rushed to him, kneeling on the floor, fingers combing through his best friend's hair, water and supplies set on Isak's bedside table.

"Hey, Is, it's okay. Can you tell me what hurts the most?"

"My head."

"Can you sit up so you can take a painkiller?"

Isak made a pained face as he sat up, taking the pill and water from Jonas, chugging them down in one swift go and then flopping back onto the bed.

"Is, i'm gonna have to take care of your face now, okay?"

Isak gave a small nod before Jonas pulled out a small bottle of antiseptic to clean the cut on Isak's cheek, to which the boy flinched and squeaked in pain. Jonas kept apologizing and petting Isak's hair until he was done. By that point, Isak was nearly sleeping. Jonas gave him a quick kiss on the forehead before tucking Isak under the duvet and leaving quietly. When he opened the front door, he was met with a surprised Even, hand lifted as if he was about to knock.

"Is this a bad time?"

"No, I was just about to leave. But, Even?"

"Yeah?"

"Something happened earlier, i'll let Isak tell you, but just don't freak out when you see him. He's a little beaten up."

Even's eyebrows creased and he pushed past Jonas to head towards the stairs, giving him a quick goodbye over his shoulder. He opened Isak's door, but didn't go in. His boyfriend. His sweet, beautiful boyfriend, was tucked in blankets, his pillow wet, cheek plastered up and lip bloody. Isak looked up at him weakly. Even opened his mouth as if he was about to speak but shut it again, walking across the room to his fragile boy, sitting next to him on the bed. Isak lifted his head and set it on Even's lap. He was breathing quietly for a while, neither of them speaking. Even was playing with Isak's hair, thinking the boy had fallen asleep, before he heard Isak's small voice.

"I love you."

Even let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. And then he was listening to Isak explain why he was in the condition that he was, all the while Even was swearing to kill Alex. Isak knew he wouldn't. He still threatened Even with a month without sex, until Even just gave up and decided on maybe a  _talk_ instead. It wasn't long until he was in his underwear under the covers, chest pressed to Isak's back, holding him close as he slept. Even kissed the back of his neck, his shoulders and the parts of his face he could reach. Isak felt all of them. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he felt them. And then they were both sleeping, breathing in sync, limbs tangled just like their hearts. 

***

"Babe, i'm fine, seriously. Just, please don't fight him. Please. For me?"

Even looked at him. Looked at his pleading green eyes and small pout. A pout that he would have crashed his lips against but couldn't, because of fucking Alex. And Isak was just letting him go. Telling Even to just leave it. Even took a drag of his cigarette, let it sit in his lungs before blowing the smoke out of the car window. He looked at Isak one more time, then drifted his eyes back to the road and sighed,

"Fine."

He didn't like lying to Isak.

When Even walked Isak to his first lesson, he kissed him goodbye gently. But he didn't go to class. He had another mission. A mission to find a certain boy who had pissed him off endlessly. A mission to kick that boy's ass. So when he noticed a tall brunette walking through the now empty halls, he wasted no time slamming him against the wall.

"Ow, what the fuck dude?!"

"Did you really think you could get away with what you did to my boyfriend?"

Alex grinned wickedly, 

"Well, to be fair, you're not that much of a threat."

That was the last straw. Even pulled Alex away from the wall just enough to slam him back with even more force, making the boy curse and groan. The next thing he knew was walking away with a black eye and a bloody nose, flipping a beaten up Alex off as the latter yelled after him,

"You'll fucking pay for this, Bech Næsheim!"

Even walked into the bathroom and locked it. It was obvious he had fought Alex. He washed his face with cold water to get rid of the blood, but it wouldn't help his swelling eye. He knew he couldn't face Isak like this so he texted him that something had come up and he had to go home. He hated lying to Isak, but he hated disappointing him even more.

 Even got home, thanking his luck that he was alone. He would have to find a way to avoid everyone for a while. He hated it. Hated that he'd fought Alex despite his promise to Isak. But how could he not? When this asshole had hurt his baby? Even was fuming even just thinking about it. He knew that his anger never led to good things so he put on headphones and started drawing, starting out with nothing in particular. His hands started involuntarily sketching out a head of fluffy curls, the prettiest lips he'd ever seen and eyes that made his heart melt. He heard his parents get home after a while, and okay, when Liv came into his room, he just admitted to fighting a guy. Liv just shook her head and hugged his reckless foolish son and let him get back to drawing. So when Even was done and happy with his work, he stuffed it in his drawer and went to lie on his bed, thinking about how to explain himself to Isak. Nothing really seemed to work. He had promised. And he broke that promise. Even sighed and draped a hand over his face, groaning quietly. A knock on his door snapped him out of his thoughts. He took off his headphones, and kept his eyes glued to the ceiling as he answered,

"Come in."

The door opened and closed but Even didn't really look, let his eyes slip closed instead. He knew Liv was probably just doing laundry, so he decided to just  _be,_ until he heard a voice. A small, pained voice.

"You fucking promised, Even."

Even's eyes shot open and landed on Isak standing in front of his door, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Even made a move to get up, but that just made Isak take a step back.

"Don't. You promised me you wouldn't fight him. Then you fucking lie to me about some 'family emergency' just so I could be confronted by a furious Alex at lunch, telling me my boyfriend is a fucking maniac. What. The. Fuck. Were. You. Thinking???"

There were tears rolling down his cheeks now and Even could tell he was desperately trying to hold them back.

"He hurt you, Issy. I-"

Isak pointed an accusing finger at him and cut him off before he could finish,

"Don't fucking call me that. In fact, don't call me at all. I'm going. I hope you're fucking happy now."

Isak was slamming the door before Even could do as much as open his mouth. Even fell back on his bed. He fucked up. He knew he fucked up. But he had no idea how to make it right.

***

The next morning Even was standing at Isak's door with a rose. A red rose. He was hoping to apologize and just accept whatever Isak decided to do with that. So he knocked. There were footsteps on the other side of the door. Then a lock clicked and the smile on Isak's face turned to a face of annoyance as he saw who was behind the door. 

"Before you slam the door in my face, I just want you to know that I really am sorry and I know that it doesn't excuse what I did, but I was just so mad that he hurt you. Also I brought you this."

He held out the rose and Isak took it. Then he snapped it in half, threw it at Even and slammed the door in his face. Even knew this was a lost cause so he decided to drive to school and maybe try warming him up throughout the day. But that didn't happen. Isak never showed up. Didn't answer his texts either. Or his calls. Or agree to speak to him over Jonas' phone. So yeah, he fucked up big time. And he really didn't know how to make it up. When he went to Isak's that evening, Isak didn't answer the door. The light in his room was on. Even leaned his head against the door and stood there until he got too cold. Then he drove off again.

***

It's not that Isak liked ignoring Even. He was just mad. Sure, he missed his boyfriend, but Even had broken his promise. Had gotten himself beaten up. Had beaten up Alex. Sure, Alex getting hurt was the least of his worries, but he hated it when Even got in trouble and put himself in danger. He didn't even know anymore if he was mad at Even for getting in a fight or for breaking his promise. But he was still mad. In fact, just thinking about it made his fists ball up and he decided to just take a break. Go on a walk. But as soon as he opened his front door, he saw the rose Even had brought him the day before. The _red_ rose. Isak slammed the door back shut and fell back against it, sliding down onto the floor. He buried his face into his arms and cried. He didn't know if it was from anger, sadness, or just missing Even. Probably all of those. He didn't get up. He kept crying. Because EVen had gone against his word and hurt someone so bad. Hurt them after Isak had pleaded him not to. When he started crying harder, his mind started flooding. Alex. Slamming him against the door, forcing his tongue into his mouth. Alex. Tearing off his clothes roughly, leaving bruises on his hips. Alex. Throwing him on the bed, spreading his legs with a wicked grin on his face, leaving purple hand prints on his thighs. Alex. Muffling his cries with the palm of his filthy hand, the other one holding Isak down. Alex. Leaving him used. Alex. Getting beaten up by Even. Alex. Getting his nose hit bloody and his cheek punched blue. Even. Doing the punching. 

-

Even was in his bed, staring at the ceiling. It was Saturday and he was alone. Alone meaning not with his gorgeous boyfriend. He knew he shouldn't have done what he did. He hated what he'd done. Hated that Isak wasn't speaking to him. The way Isak had looked at him, standing in his room. It was as if he was scared of Even. The way he'd shakily stepped back when Even had moved to get up. The way his voice had trembled. Even hated himself for making Isak scared. For making Isak cry. He hated himself

***

She was standing there. Crying. Begging for help. Her knees were scratched and she looked so small, her skin pale, littered with blue, red and purple marks. There were signs of needles on the inside of her arm. Isak couldn't do anything but let her in and usher her to his kitchen. The tears weren't stopping and her hair looked like it hadn't been washed in weeks. She looked broken. Isak gave her a glass of water and some tissues before sitting down beside her.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

She looked at him with red puffy eyes and closed her eyes until she calmed down enough to speak,

"I'm not sure. I - I don't remember much. I remember being at a party. Then waking up with that b-boy. Alex. He wouldn't let me go. T-tried to- I can't anymore i just-"

Isak pulled her into his arms, speaking calmly and quietly,

"Hey, it's okay. You're okay. You don't have to tell me. But, can I ask why you came to me of all people?"

Carmen sniffled into his chest before answering,

"I-I heard he did something like that to you. I just- I got away before he could d-do anything but I have no Idea what happened the night before. I've been hiding for the past few days i'm just s-so scared."

"Okay, well, we'll figure it out. Do you want to take a shower?"

"Please."

Isak led her upstairs to the bathroom, leaving her with a towel and his own t-shirt and sweatpants. She kept thanking him through tears but Isak told her it was okay. Because it was. She needed help. But Isak wasn't sure if he could really do it alone. He dialed the number and hesitated before calling. He still did it.

"Even?"

"I don't care if i'm mad, I need you."

"Can you come over?"

"Now."

"Love you too."

Even was there before Carmen got out of the shower. Isak let him in, awkwardly leading him to the kitchen. Even heard the sound of a shower and looked at Isak in confusion,

"Is someone else here?"

"It's Carmen. I think she needs help."

Even's confusion only grew and he was still staring at Isak for an explanation.

"She came to my door about an hour ago, crying. She still looked awful. I let her in. She didn't remember much. But there were needle marks on her arms. I'm really scared for her, Even."

There were tears forming in Isak's eyes as he spoke and Even shakily pulled him closer, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and kissing the top of his head. They were interrupted by footsteps and a quiet cough. Carmen was standing in the doorway, wet hair draped over Isak's shirt that was way too big for her narrow shape. The pants were barely staying up, but she was clean. And she was safe. But she looked so fragile. So lost.

Isak let them all to the living room where they sat down and Carmen spilled everything. About her trying to get Even only because she wanted the attention, about getting caught in the wrong crowd, about being kicked out and living at strangers' houses wherever she could. She was admitting everything and crying and Isak felt so helpless. Even convinced her to seek help. To try and change. Isak and EVen both believed in her and promised to help her. Because there was still a chance. After hours of talking and some crying, Isak managed to talk Noora and her roommates Linn and Eskild into taking her in. He promised to pay rent for her, but Eskild refused to let him do that. He said he'd take care of it and then it was settled. Ten minutes later Even was driving her to their flat. Twenty minutes later he was back at Isak's door with another rose. He knocked and waited until the door was opened. Isak was ready to let him in, but Even stopped. He wanted to do this right.

"I'm sorry. For getting in a fight after I promised I wouldn't. For making you scared. I bought you another rose and I hope you won't throw this one at my face."

Isak took the flower and laughed this time. He then took Even's hand and pulled him inside.

When they'd nestled into Isak's bed, Even spoke up again,

"I really am sorry, you know? I was so mad that he'd hurt you that I didn't realize that by doing what I did, I'd be hurting you too."

"I was just scared. Because after Alex, it's been hard to trust anyone. So I guess I just took this thing the wrong way. I'm sorry too."

Even ran his thumb over the mark on Isak's cheek, over his nearly healed lip.

"You shouldn't be, Issy, you did nothing wrong."

Isak didn't answer. He just kissed Even. Let his body fit perfectly in Even's embrace, felt the soft lips he'd missed so much. Gasped at the sensation of Even's teeth pulling at his bottom lip, tongue licking into his mouth. He let out a small happy noise when he felt Even's arms tighten around him, smiling into the kiss now. And he knew that everything would be okay.


	14. black butterflies and déjà vu

Driving to school on Monday was filled with small smiles and glances, holding hands in the front seat, while two grumpy girls were making mocking comments in the backseat. Isak and Even had picked up the two girls from Noora's place before school. Carmen looked a lot better, wearing Noora's clothes, her eyes filled with a little bit more life. Her hair was tied in a ponytail and she had a small smile on her face. But there was something off. Isak watched her from the rearview mirror and noticed her hands shaking, fidgeting. She was subtly scratching the place where tiny red dots littered her arm. Isak could see the craving in her eyes, hidden away somewhere deep. Her eyes were darting around her surroundings, not being able to focus on anything. Or, well, maybe there was one thing. They would every once in a while focus on Even. She would look at him for a few seconds with an unreadable expression and then go back to squirming in her seat. Isak still didn't fully trust her. After all, this was the girl who tried to steal his boyfriend. But he was willing to push that aside. He wanted to do his best to help her. After all, they shared more than anyone would ever imagine.

***

"Saw you coming in with Carmen. Care to explain?"

Sana was studying him with with squinted eyes, following his every move as he sat down.

"It's a long story."

"We have time."

And so Isak told her most of what he knew, trying not to invade Carmen's privacy too much, but giving away enough to make Sana understand. She was nodding along, her features softening, head tilted a bit. She had her hand gently placed on Isak's arm, telling him she understood. Sana was not much on physical signs of affection, but she knew when to get out of her comfort zone. So he smiled at Isak, speaking softly,

"You're a good person, you know. Not many people would've done the same in your position."

"She needed help. I did what had to be done."

Sana chuckled quietly and shook her head,

"You really don't understand what kind of heart you have inside, do you?"

Isak laughed. Maybe he didn't. But he did what he thought was right. So Sana pinched his cheeks and made fun of his marshmallow heart all through biology. Isak didn't protest. 

***

Carmen was sitting alone at lunch, as if she was scared of the others. Well, she was. She still felt bad about trying to steal Even from Isak. She'd been all over him, trying to make the other boy jealous. And after all of it, he'd still taken her in. Found her a place to live. She didn't really know how to look at him. She was poking at her food, not really making an effort to eat any of it, when someone crashed down beside her. She knew who it was before she even lifted her eyes.

"Go away."

Alex laughed bitterly.

"Why would I? We never got to finish what we started."

Carmen wanted to snap at him. Wanted to hit him. Wanted to yell. Instead, she just spoke weakly,

"What  _you_ started. I wanted none of it."

She heard him laugh loudly this time.

"You weren't that sassy the night before when you were all over me. Don't you remember that? Begging for me. Don't play innocent with me."

Carmen was starting to breathe more heavily. She didn't remember that night. She wanted to leave but her body felt frozen in place. Then a hand was pulling her up from the table, other one grabbing her tray. When she looked left, she saw blue eyes and red lips pulled into a half smile.

"You alright?"

Carmen smiled at her. She was okay.

"I am now."

She spent the rest of lunch meeting everyone. There were the boys, Jonas, Madhi and Magnus, and the girls, Sana and Vilde. The boys seemed to accept her into the group immediately while the girls were a bit more hesitant. Sure, Noora was smiling at her and squeezed her hand under the table when she seemed to get more anxious. Vilde was warming up to her quite quickly, chattering about her best friend Chris who was texting her. She was laughing at her phone, making no effort to hide her excitement. Sana on the other hand was analyzing her, looking at her suspiciously. Even when she looked away, she felt her gaze. When Carmen started fidgeting again, clearly getting uncomfortable, Isak gave Sana a light smack on her shoulder. Soon, she melted into the conversation, beginning to forget everything else. She looked at Even's arms wrapped around Isak and when she caught Isak's gaze, she smiled at him. He smiled back and leaned forward across the table.

"How are you feeling?"

"Good."

His smile grew wider.

"I'm glad."

Then he was pulled back and Even was kissing his cheeks and face and the entire group groaned in unison. Maybe she was finally with the right crowd. Noora's fingers intertwining with her's was a good indication of that. She squeezed her hand and Noora leaned her head on her shoulder. Carmen let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

***

Even:

let's skip

Isak:

babe u have one more lesson ,, i think u can manage

Even:

but i wanna b with u Issy

Isak:

i finish in two hours, we can be together then okay?

Even:

but babyyyy

Isak:

nuh uh. now focus on ur lesson

Even:

how can i when all i can think about is u?

Isak:

you'll be fine. i'm gonna get back to science now. b y e

Even:

:(

Isak:

<3

***

Even finished school an hour before Isak but he promised to wait for him, so he was sitting on a bench outside, scrolling on his phone. He still had twenty minutes before Isak was supposed to finish, so when he heard footsteps and felt a hand on his shoulder, he was pleasantly surprised.

"Hey d-"

He cut himself off when he saw the person standing behind him.

"Oh, hey. Though you were Isak."

She laughed and sat down beside him, pulling out a pack of cigarettes, putting one between her lips and offering one to Even. He took it.

"You sure you should be having these?"

She shrugged,

"Keeps me away from the stronger stuff."

Even let out a puff of smoke, pursing his lips and nodding.

"How are you? I mean, with the new place and everything."

"Good. I did already walk in on Eskild having sex though."

Even let out a loud laugh before she continued,

"He's a good person. So is Linn. Also Noora has been helping me fit in."

He smiled at her.

"What about, uh-"

His eyes drifted to her arm and she flinched.

"It's been hard. But I wasn't that far in yet. So I'll manage. But I wanted to apologize. When I came here and saw you, I guess I just saw a chance to 'have fun'. I'm sorry I tried to screw you guys up. Isak is a good guy. You two are good together."

"It's okay."

She took a long drag of her cigarette, blowing out a big cloud of light smoke. Why did something so terrible feel so good?

"It's not. You two really deserve each other. Have you told him about, you know..?"

"Yeah. Did as soon as we started dating. I'm sorry I didn't do the same with you."

Carmen put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

"You were scared, I get that."

"You still didn't deserve to find out the way you did."

"I'm over it. So can we just put everything that happened behind us and be friends?"

"Of course."

They both finished their cigarettes, laughing at catching up until Even felt someone wrap their hands around his torso, giving him a kiss on the cheek. Isak. He said goodbye to Carmen when he saw Noora approaching. When he and Isak made it to the car, Even had his hands all over his boyfriend. Isak squirmed and giggled.

"Eviii, we're in public."

"So? I want to show everyone how much I love my gorgeous boyfriend."

With those words he started littering kisses on Isak's neck, making the boy blush.

"Mh, let's get home and then we can continue, okay?"

Even mumbled a 'sure' before sucking a hickey into Isak's neck and then pulling away, leaving his boyfriend flustered. Needless to say, Even's hand was on Isak's thigh the entire ride home. And then Isak was pushed up against the door as soon as they made to Isak's. And thirty minutes later Isak was catching his breath on the bed, thoroughly fucked out.

***

"Let's go out."

Isak looked at Even in mild confusion. It was past 10 on a Thursday and he was quite tired.

"It's late."

"I know, but I just wanna walk. Look at the stars with you. Please?"

Isak hesitated for a moment, thinking it through,

"Okay, I guess. Let's go."

They were walking through dimly lit streets, fingers intertwined, as Even spoke about anything and everything. Isak listened, pressed against Even's side. They made it to a small park and Even sat down, pulling Isak with him. They lay on the grass, looking up at the stars as Even went on about how much he adored Isak and Isak just listened, grinning wide. He listened to Even tell stories about his childhood and go on and on about his love for filming. It was a long night and they made it home past 1 AM, Isak falling on the bed as soon as they got back, closing his eyes as he felt Even's arms wrap around him.

***

Isak was woken up by kisses all over his face. It felt as if he'd just fallen asleep. Actually, that was probably true. He'd barely slept all night because Even kept moving and shifting and at one point he'd just gotten up to draw. Isak knew that Even was probably just as stressed about the Carmen situation as he was. It wasn't as if he could sleep himself. So when he was pulled from his weak two hours of slumber by lips on his cheeks, nose and forehead, he just pulled Even closer to him to give him a proper kiss. Even deepened it, licking into Isak's mouth, pressing his body down between Isak's legs. He started placing kisses down his jaw and neck, soon disappearing under the covers. Isak went to school that day with a wrecked voice, cheeks still tinted pink. Even kept texting him throughout his lessons and halfway through the day, he pulled Isak outside, convincing him to skip. So they did. They walked through town, hand in hand, and Even was kissing Isak breathless any chance he got. They never really stopped, kept going. No interruptions. No time. Isak reveled in Even's warmth on his palm, against his side. They passed parks and stores and tram stops. They walked across bridges, going in circles across town, neither really getting tired. They got lunch at a small cafe and Even kept bouncing in his seat, holding Isak's hand and calling him beautiful. Soon after, they ended up back at Isak's house. More specifically Isak's bed. Even was leaving marks all over Isak's body, screwing in fast and hard. Isak's body was arching off the mattress, an endless string of moans tumbling past his lips. When they finished, Isak pulled Even under the covers to sleep. Even kept playing with his hair until he was breathing steady.

When Isak woke up, Even was gone. There was a note on the bed that read 'went for a walk'. It was 11, so Isak was kind of worried. He pulled out his phone and dialed Even's number. He heard it ringing in the bed next to him. Even hadn't even taken his phone. He was getting kind of really scared. He winced as he sat up, but got on his feet anyway, pulling on his sweats. He had his shirt halfway pulled over his torso when he heard his phone going off on his nightstand. He rushed to it and picked up. A worried woman's voice greeted him on the other side.

"Hi. It's Liv."


	15. You waited smiling, for this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry

_"What if the sky fell and we died right now?"_

_"That's a weird though."_

_"But think about it. What if it just ended right here, right now? Would you be happy? I would be happy. I'm with you."_

_"Even, you're kinda scaring me."_

_"Sorry, baby. Guess you gotta get used to this by the time we get married."_

_"Married?"_

_"Yeah? You don't think we're getting married?"_

_"I mean, sure. But I just wasn't expecting this right now."_

_"Well I wanna marry you one day."_

***

_"Do you think we're in charge of our own lives?"_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Do you think we can choose what happens to us? I don't. There's so much I wish I could do. Like I wish my parents would stop being such dicks and let me live my own fucking life and I wish sooo many people in my life would just maybe die. If I was in charge of my life then these things wouldn't be just thoughts. I mean I wish I could just do something myself for once, you know? Everything is done for me and i'm fucking sick of it. I j-"_

_"Even what the fuck are you on about?"_

_"Nevermind, i'm just fucking crazy, doesn't matter anyway."_

***

_"Isak?"_

_"Liv, is that you?" Is this about Even?"_

_"It's me, darling. And yes,"_

_Isak's stomach dropped._

_"He's home now. Safe."_

_"What happened?"_

_"I think you should come over."_

***

Isak's hands were shaking as he stood behind the door, fist up, ready to knock. But he let it fall back to his side, nerves too strong to go on, body too weak to move. So he just stood there, breathing. There was nothing he wanted more than to rush inside and kiss his boyfriend senseless. But he couldn't. He didn't even know what was going on. Why wouldn't Even be safe? Why did Liv not agree to tell him over the phone? Every conversation with Even, every moment, was rushing through Isak's head and his knees nearly gave in as he stood still on the cold pavement, waiting for fate to open the door. But it didn't. So he kept running through memories, trying to piece things together and,  _oh._ There it was. He was manic. Isak had read about it, spent countless nights researching and looking for answers. Yet he'd been blind enough to miss every single sign. His hand dropped several times before he finally did it and knocked. There was some rustling on the other side of the door. And then Liv was opening it and pulling him into a tight hug. Isak could see her tears. Feel them. He wrapped his arms around her waist, weakly, holding her for a while before she pulled him inside, apologizing. After a lot of confusion and more hugs and more tears, they were sat in the living room, joined by Even's dad. 

"So. As you may have guessed, Even was manic."

Isak nodded, but couldn't form words. Liv and Daniel shared a look.

"We got a call tonight. From the police."

Isak was starting to shake in his seat.

"He'd gotten naked in the middle of town. Then proceeded to climb a tree, saying how he wanted to pull down the sky. When we were taking him home, he kept repeating  _'for him, for him, for him'_. He passed out as soon as we got home."

Both Isak and Liv were crying now. Liv soon composed herself, allowing Isak upstairs.

"Even?"

Silence. It stung. Isak could see his body inflating and deflating under the covers, silently breathing. He wasn't in his bed, but instead on a sofa bed in the corner of his room. Isak didn't know if he was sleeping. So he quietly toed off his shoes, shrugged off his jacket and laid down beside Even, chest facing his back. He didn't climb under the covers. He did wrap an arm around Even's body, holding him tight. Even was breathing softly and Isak's ears caught a tiny gasp when he pulled Even closer. Even didn't move through. Didn't speak. So Isak held him.

It took maybe an hour for Even to wake up. Isak was slowly dozing off, finally, when Even suddenly moved under his grip.

"Hey."

There was a slight noise of protest, followed by a movement that seemed a bit like Even trying to push Isak away from him.

"Why are you here?"

Even's voice was weak, but it was still dripping with something akin to resentment. A stinging venom. Isak swallowed nervously, intimidated by this Even. The Even he'd never met before. The Even that didn't like him.

"Because I love you."

Even snorted bitterly.

"You should go home."

The rough tone stayed, lacing through Isak's heart, squishing it under it's force.

"I want to be with you."

Even seemed to stop moving for a second, as if accepting Isak's presence. But then he moved again to push Isak away from him, curling into himself.

"I don't want you here."

There were definite tears in Isak's eyes now. The words stabbed his heart, making him bleed inside out and it stung. Oh, how it stung. He sort of slipped off the bed, not even attempting to get off the floor. He hugged his knees to his chest and he cried. Cried until Even was sleeping again. Cried until he was shaking and aching. Cried until Liv came into the room, offering to take Isak home. He got in the car after some persuasion. The ride home was quiet. Isak cried. Cried all night. He didn't sleep.

***

Being at school wasn't really something isak acknowledged anymore. It'd been days and Even still pushed him away every time. Still wouldn't talk to him. And Isak wasn't sleeping. His friends noticed. A few teachers did, too. Heck, it was impossible not to notice. His skin was pale and dull, purple bags under his eyes making him look half dead. And he was. He said the lack of sleep was from homework. He didn't even do his homework. He sat in his classes, staring at the wall or the window, thoughts drifting back to Even every time. He knew Even was depressed. He knew this was normal for him. But it still hurt him more than he could describe. He ignored every 'how is he?' and 'are you okay?'. Even was doing terrible. So was Isak. Wasn't it fucking obvious? But no one pushed him to tell. No one really knew. Except one person.

"Hey, pretty boy!"

Isak rolled his eyes, turning to the new companion joining him on the way home.

"You already tried Even and it didn't work. This won't, either."

Carmen slapped his shoulder lightly.

"Not hitting on you. I wanted to ask about Even."

Isak scoffed.

"What about him?"

"Isak, I know him. I've been through the same thing. Well, almost. But still."

Isak risked a glance in her direction and she gave him a knowing look.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean i've been with him through quite a few episodes. I know how hard it can be. But you can't beat yourself up over this, Isak. This is how he is. And you have to take care of yourself when he can't."

"He hates me."

Carmen laughed at that.

"He doesn't hate you. If he pushes you away, it means he loves you. He doesn't want you to hurt too."

"Were you in love?"

"No. And he never tried to push me away. Never even spoke. If he's making an effort to move for you, it means he's looking out for you. Trust me, kid. It's gonna be okay."

Isak didn't notice when exactly the tears started streaming down his cheeks, but the next thing he knew, Carmen was pulling him against her chest as he sobbed into her shoulder. People were watching, but Isak didn't care.  _We have a chance. He loves me. Right?_

***

In the following week, things still weren't looking up. And Isak was quite frankly starting to lose hope. Every time he'd come over, Even would either ignore him or stab him with his words. The latter was much worse. Isak always sat on the floor, doing his homework or reading. Sometimes, when Even was asleep, Isak would run his fingers through his hair until Even woke up and made him leave again. Isak was tired. He was so, so tired. Nothing had changed since the day he stepped into this dark room except for the fact that Isak was exhausted. He was meeting up with Carmen regularly, going out for coffee or hanging out at his place. She made him sleep. Made him tea and hummed until he dozed off, and when Isak woke up, she was still in his house, watching TV or cooking dinner. Isak was really damn grateful for Carmen in that situation. Sure, they started out on the wrong foot, but Carmen was taking care of him. She was the only one who truly knew how hard this was. So Isak let her in. Let her cook for him, let her tuck him in, let her help him. Sometimes he'd bring Noora over. Sometimes Sana. They made him feel happy. Content. They'd gossip and paint his nails and watch cheesy movies and Isak would laugh. And he would smile. But somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that Even was alone. In the dark. And Isak couldn't help him.

The boys were acting normal again as well. They weren't walking on eggshells around him anymore. They made jokes and told stories and invited Isak to parties. He wanted to go. But he didn't. He couldn't. So he joined them at lunch and at Jonas' place after school and at the skatepark sometimes. And he would feel normal for a while again. He liked feeling normal. It washed away the disgust of Even still not even looking at him. So he hung out with the boys and drowned in them, trying to forget everything and everyone else. And it worked.

***

_I have only twenty_

_six letters I can use_

_just to tell you I_

_won't let go_

_don't you let go_

_I lose my voice when I look at you_

_can't make a noise though i'm trying to_

_tell you all the right words_

_waiting on the right words_

The music was probably too loud but Isak didn't care. He had the right to blast every song that reminded him of Even because he was sad, god damn it. He didn't think it was possible to be this sad. It was as if all life had been sucked out of him and now the was just an empty shell of a boy, wanting, no, needing to be loved again. He just wanted to touch Even's face again, have him smile, feel his lips against his own. But that didn't seem to be happening. Even wasn't really making progress. At least Isak couldn't see any. As if Isak could even see Even. He would usually just hide under his duvet, flinching away from Isak's touch. Isak had gotten used to it. When Even pulled away, he went back to his homework. When Even told him to leave, he would. And that was it. There was a numbness growing inside of him but he didn't care anymore. He just wanted Even back. And he would wait for as long as needed. Because he was in love. Properly, head over heels in love. He just hoped Even would feel the same.

 

***

Isak couldn't take it anymore. He had to see Even. As much as he hated the rejection, the look of pure pain on Even's face, he had to see him. So that's why he was standing outside the Bech Næsheim residence at 8 PM, shivering in the evening breeze. It was kind of fitting, he thought. Even had been so cold to him that even the late spring weather was catching up. He knocked, finally. Liv answered in a matter of seconds. Her face dropped at the sight of Isak and the boy panicked internally.  _Did I do something wrong? Is it worse? What is going on?_

"Even's not here."

Isak's stomach dropped. His face fell with it.

"Where is he?"

Liv's hand reached out to gently grab his shoulder and her touch burned.

"He's staying with a friend."

Isak's breathing was stuttering and he could feel himself hyperventilating.

"When will he be back?"

Liv stopped looking at him. She more or less looked through him. Onto the street. Into the cold night air. Isak could see her struggling to find the right words.

"We don't know yet. I'm sorry, Isak."

Isak wasn't understanding any of it. Nothing made sense. Why was he staying with a friend? Why was Liv apologizing? Isak rushed past her, up the stairs and- he stopped before Even's door. He didn't know what he was expecting. So he stood there, breathing. A minute passed, at least, before he gently pushed the door, making in creak open. Isak's knees went weak. It was Even's room. But it wasn't. His bed was there. His couch. His wardrobe and his desk. But they were empty. Each and every one of them. Nothing Indicated that Even had spent his last 18 years living there. No signs of the cheery blue-eyed boy that made his knees weak. And Isak had no idea where he was. He was still in the doorway when he noticed something on Even's desk. He moved closer, but it was difficult to see in the dark. When he finally realized what it was, his breath caught in his throat. A drawing of Isak. It looked absolutely beautiful. There was a post it note attached.  _'tell isak i'm sorry.'_

When Isak was leaving, Liv stopped him for a second to hand him a small envelope. She didn't say what it was. He didn't ask. He opened it on the tram on his way back. Inside was a folded paper. A letter.

_Dear Isak,_

_I'm sorry for doing this. I really am._

_I love you. You know I do. And that's why I can't keep you._

_Seeing you like that for the past few weeks has killed me._

_I wanted to cry every time I saw you. Wanted to hold you_

_and tell you that it would all be okay. I hated seeing you that way._

_Have you even slept? You looked so sad. So broken. And I_

_know that I did that. I broke you, Isak. I can't live knowing that_

_I broke_   _you. I can't keep breaking you. You're too precious for that._

_I'm sorry. I'm staying with a friend because I can't see_

_you right now. It would just make this harder. I can't take care_

_of you, Isak. You need someone who can do that. I hope you_

_find that someone. I hope you find happiness. I never wanted_

_to hurt you. I'm sorry._

_I love you._

_Even._

When Isak made it to his front door, he'd cried about five times already.  _Who the fuck does he think he is? I can fucking take care of myself. Fuck, Even, why can't you see that being with you was the first thing that made me happy in a long time? Why can't you let me love you?_

Isak started unlocking his door, eyes still red and cheeks stained with dry tears, but the door was open. He walked in cautiously, closing the door quietly behind him. His eyes went wide.

"Mamma! Pappa! Halla!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm successfully fucking up every good thing in my life so i guess that translates into my writing (i'll fix this i promise hh)


	16. All I want is nothing more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhhh,,,,

"Mamma! Pappa! Halla! I didn't even notice your car outside."

Isak spoke with as much confidence as he could, tears threatening to spill again at any given moment. He was hoping for it to not be  _that_ obvious, but his mum's face said it all.

"Sweetie, have you been crying? What's going on?"

Isak knew he could hold back a cry when he had to. Could hold back anything. But when his mum looked at him and asked him  _like that,_ he broke down. Before he knew it, she was hugging him close, placing kisses on his hair and rocking them back and forth. Isak knew that it was embarrassing. Being 17 and crying into your mother's shoulder while your dad stood there awkwardly. Isak knew he should feel weird. But he didn't. Because this was the woman who had raised him to be independent and strong. But also the woman who could pick apart every hidden secret in his eyes, show him that it's okay to be vulnerable sometimes. So he let the tears spill and let her squeeze him in her arms until he calmed down. And then he let her hold him some more because he was not ready to let go yet. Not ready to let the reality of his situation with Even really sink in. Him knowing was one thing. Taking about it with the woman who gave birth to him was a whole different thing. It would be like accepting defeat. Accepting that Even had left him. Accepting that the first boy he truly loved broke his heart. And he wasn't ready for that. He breathed and breathed and let a few more tears fall before pulling away. His mum looked at him with concerned eyes, trying to piece his son back together. He knew there was no point in lying. His mother would see right through it.

"There's a boy."

His mum sighed and pulled him closer. Isak knew what she was going to say. It was always the same thing.

"A boy that makes you cry is a boy not worth crying over."

It usually made him feel better. Reminded him of what's important. But not this time. This time was different. This was Even.

"It's not that simple. I love him, mamma."

And he cried. He cried until there were no tears left. Cried until he couldn't breathe anymore. He cried and cried until he could speak again. And he spoke. He told her. Told her everything from day one and she listened. Held him. Let him get it all out. She didn't say much. But Isak clung on to every word he was given.

"He did what he thinks is best for you. He's only thinking of your wellbeing, Isak. Maybe if he'd hear your side of this, he'd understand. But you can't make him understand. If he doesn't, then this truly is what's best for you. I'm sorry sweetie. But if he can't stay by your side, then you have to let him go."

***

Even wasn't at school. Isak didn't really think he would be. Maybe some part of him hoped to be wrong. Hoped that Even would show up and Isak could tell him everything and they could just go back to normal. But even he knew that it would be too good to be true. So he walked the halls with a blank expression, putting on a fake smile for all his friends and teachers, deciding that faking it would be the best option. Maybe it was, because no one asked. No one even made a comment. Maybe they all knew already. Maybe the just pitied him. That thought made Isak's insides twist and turn, threatening to spill everywhere. So he cut that thought off and threw it away, putting on an even bigger smile for the rest of the day before going home and crying again. His mum checked on him for a few times but she understood his need for space. He didn't sleep again.

***

Isak was talking to Sana. She seemed to be the only person who actually knew a little of what was going on. The only one who treated him normally. And that raised some suspicions in Isak.

"Wait, how do you know about this?"

"I have my sources."

Isak scoffed and raised a brow.

"Really? That's all I get?"

"Yes. And i'm gonna tell you something, Isak. You have to give it time, okay? You can't expect for everything to fall into place magically. These things need effort. Just don't push it and don't do anything before you've thought it all through for yourself. I know that you think you know what you want, but just think it through, okay? Make sense of the situation. Then you can decide what to do next."

Isak knew she was right. He hated it. But now he also had a lot more thoughts. And they all needed his attention.

***

Even was staring at the counter ahead of him, not making an effort to move. His depressive episode might have been over, but still nothing excited him anymore. The world had lost it's colours.

"Tea?"

Her voice was soothing. Relaxing. Made Even snap out of his haze for a moment.

"Sure."

She saw right through him, sighed and shook her head.

"Give it time, Even. Give  _him_ time. Trust me."

"I do, Sana. I just miss him so much."

Even was beating himself up for everything. He heard Isak's phone calls with Sana. Felt the pain he'd caused. He knew he regretted leaving Isak. But he also knew that it was necessary. For both of them. He knew that he had to give Isak time to decide. Time to heal. Time to think. He knew that. So he was willing to wait. Willing to move on if he had to.

***

He transferred. Was that even possible? They had a month until the end of school. And he just fucking transferred. Isak had spent two weeks trying to piece it all together. Two weeks thinking of what he wanted to say to Even once he came back. And he just went and fucked him over completely. Isak couldn't really believe it. _So that's the price for having hope._ That was the final straw. If that's how Even wanted it to end, then Isak would just have to accept it and move on. As much as it hurt, Even clearly didn't love him anymore. Or maybe he never had.

The *news* of him and Even not being together anymore seemed to have spread all over Nissen, because Isak was getting bombarded with guys. There was a boy, Adrian, who seemed quite nice but Isak didn't really want something new yet. So he turned him down. A few days later, Adrian had another boy in his arms. Good for him. Alex also tried to make a comeback. But that was a quick no. Then there were Jakob and David and Isak really didn't have time for that so he let them go and they never tried again. No one ever stuck around. Except, well. There was someone. Julian. Isak didn't know why, but this boy didn't seem to be so easily shaken. Isak had told him no but a few days later he'd tried again. With flowers. When Isak told him off again, he didn't budge. 

"What about just being friends? Would you consider that?"

Isak squinted at him suspiciously. He knew that it was a bad idea but agreed nonetheless.

"Fine. Friendship. But that's it."

"We'll see."

Julian winked before walking away, leaving Isak flustered and blushing.

Maybe it really hadn't been Isak's brightest idea to give in to Julien. Even though the 'just friends' part had been strongly highlighted, Jolian was still flirting and touching and always near him. He knew better than to overstep a limit, but he was just constantly near Isak. He would join him at lunch, run into him in the halls and study with him in the library. Isak was warming up to him, but he was not ready. Especially not with Julien looking like Even 2.0. He really did have the whole look. Blue eyes and a blonde quiff, long legs and a devious smile. Although it didn't make Isak's stomach flip like Even's had. His eyes didn't sparkle as bright and his hair didn't look half as soft. Still, when he overtook Even's seat in maths, Isak couldn't help but feel his heart speed up. As much as he tried to ignore it, there seemed to be something about this boy. Something that made the corners of his mouth quirk up just a tiny bit.

Ever since Even left, biology got a lot weirder. Or, well, Sana got a lot weirder. She was sending him tiny smiles and sometimes when he'd faze out, Sana would squeeze his hand and give him a loving look. It didn't really seem like her. Isak knew that it was probably because her brother and Even were friends. She'd probably seen him at their house. He managed to ask about Even a few times but Sana never really answered. Maybe she was just trying to protect Isak. It still pissed him off. He didn't need protection. He just needed some fucking oxygen.

As the end of the school year inched closer, Isak couldn't help but let himself laugh over Julian's jokes and blush at his compliments. He started going out more with the boys again and got a few hours of sleep every night. He was walking down the hall on the first day of the last week of school with a huge grin on his face when he ran into Carmen.

"Hey, Is! I was just looking for you. The girls are having a sleepover and we wanted to invite you. What do you say?"

"I'm in. When and where?"

Carmen's smile grew wide and Isak couldn't help but feel warm inside.

"Eva's. Tonight."

"Wait. How do you know Eva?"

"It's a girl thing. Everyone knows everyone. So, see you there?"

"See you there."

When Isak knocked on Eva's door at exactly 8:23 PM, he was greeted with five girls in matching shorts and t-shirts. And Sana. Who was sitting in the corner, sipping what seemed to be orange juice, giving him a very suspiciously happy look. Isak didn't have long to dwell on that because now he was holding a pair of pink shorts and a white t-shirt and suddenly he understood Sana's expression. He flipped her off before heading to the bathroom and Sana blew him a kiss before he left. 

So these shorts were short. Like, really short. His legs  _and_ ass were very much on display. The shirt wasn't much better. What Isak hadn't realized before, was that it was, in fact, a low cut crop top. Which means hello collarbones and stomach. As much as he usually seemed okay with his body, this was a lot. Almost every inch of his skin was exposed and he felt pretty much naked. Isak knew that if he felt like this was too much, he didn't have to go along with this. But something inside him felt like being extra, so he did. And well, maybe he shouldn't have, because as soon as he stepped into Eva's room, a wave of cheers and whistles erupted. Isak gave a quick spin and Carmen mimicked a dramatic faint. He then noticed a girl he'd never met before who was practically eating him up with her eyes.

"Hi, I don't think we've met?"

The girl pulled her gaze off of his legs and dragged her eyes up his body, looking at him with a slack jaw.

"Oh, yeah, I'm Chris. And you have fucking great legs."

They all laughed at that.

"I've been told."

In a little while, Eva brought out three large wine bottles. An hour after that was when the real fun began. Everyone was giggling and having fun and Isak felt really nice. He had the girls paint his nails a baby blue and let them give him a makeover, which resulted in bright red lips and sparkly cheeks and Isak couldn't help but feel fantastic. He had the girls take pictures of him and helped them take pictures although the photoshoot resulted in Sana holding the camera as she was the only sober person left. But she didn't seem to mind. A rather scandalous picture of Isak ended up on his instagram. It sure did show the shorts and top in all their glory, exposing most of Isak and not leaving much to the imagination. Isak was secretly hoping for a certain someone *Even* to see it. So maybe he was still dwelling on him. Big deal. At least he was acknowledging it. That was a start.

"Vilde, m'telling you, he doesn't appreciate you enough."

"But Isaaak, he's so pretty!"

"That's not important right now. He doesn't deserve you."

"You're right, Isak. You're absolutely right. I love you, you know that?"

Isak giggled and wrapped his arms around the blonde.

"I love you too, Vilde."

Everyone in the room cooed at them as Isak placed a few sloppy kisses on Vilde's cheek. The rest of the night was sort of a blur. Isak thinks he remembers Noora and Carmen falling asleep on the floor, cuddled together. And he's pretty sure Sana escorted him onto the couch at some point. And that's it. When he woke up in the morning with a throbbing headache, everyone else seemed to be asleep. So when he had run to the bathroom to empty what was left of his night before, he was happy to find the bathroom unoccupied. About ten minutes later, he found his way back to the couch, where he found his phone. There was a flood of notifications from instagram and one of them caught his eye.

 **juliandhl** har kommentert: whOA 

Isak replied with a heart. Five minutes later, he got another notification. Even liked the picture. When Isak opened the app, the like was gone.  _Fucker._ He locked his phone and fell back onto the pillows. He didn't notice when he fell asleep but when he woke up again, it was 7 AM and the girls were making breakfast. They all went to school hungover that day, but Isak still felt good.

Summer. It was actually summer. No more school. No more responsibilities. No more hungover classes or stress. Just summer. Isak found himself at random parties with the boys and he was hanging out with Julian a lot more than he wanted to admit. The boy was really good at making Isak feel nice. So Isak didn't really see any harm in it. They would sometimes walk around town or meet up at parties. They would text and call and Isak found himself slowly opening up. He trusted Julian. But before anything else, he needed to talk to Even. He had to know if there was still a chance for them. He couldn't move on if he didn't know. 

***

Julian offered to pick him up from the airport but Isak wanted to walk. He always did this after his parents left. They were supposed to be gone for three months this time. So Isak needed some fresh air to clear his head. He'd gotten so used to them already. So used to their presence, their jokes, their stories. He'd gotten used to his mum's advice and his dad's wisdom. So being without them for three months seemed quite a challenge. Isak wished he had someone to guide him through it. And by someone he meant Even. Because even after all the time and hurt he'd gone through, he still missed him. Still couldn't quite let go.

He walked through streets and parks, silently wishing, somewhere in the back of his head, that he'd run into a tall, breathtaking blonde. Hoping to look up and see blue eyes and the brightest smile. He was so busy in his thoughts he didn't even realize he was walking straight into a kissing couple. He blushed and quickly started apologizing until-

blue eyes. A golden quiff. But no smile. Just shock. He was sure that he was wearing the same expression. He wanted to run. Maybe yell first. Maybe hit him. But he couldn't move. Couldn't even open his mouth as this gorgeous girl wrapped her arm tighter around Even's side, making Even clear his throat,

"Uh, Sonja, th-"

Isak ran off before he could finish. Ran off before they could see him cry. Ran off and didn't stop until he was home. Until he could slam the door behind him and slide down it, collapsing on the floor. Before he could begin to cry, he pulled out his phone and dialed.

"Hey Julian. Do you wanna hang out today?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry ??


	17. a dream is a wish your heart makes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hot chocolate mixed with instant coffee and a dash of vodka here we goooo !! (heyyo so i'm not sure how much more there will be of this fic bc i have the next few chapters planned out but that might be it ?? tell me what y'all think bc i'm kinda rly attached to this story and could keep writing this, but i'm scared it'll get boring or too long idk ,,, definitely tell me your thoughts !!)

"So, did you have anything in mind or is this like a go with the flow type of thing?"

Isak laughed and looked at him with crinkled eyes.

"Don't know. Haven't decided yet."

Julian laughed now, too, and something hurt in Isak's chest.

"Well in that case, how about coffee?"

Isak snorted.

"Wow, how original."

A teasing rise of his brows showed Julian that he was joking, but Julian decided to step it up nonetheless.

"Okay, well, I also know this great place for watching the sunset if you're interested."

That's how they ended up on the top of a hill overlooking the city, with purples and oranges melting together in the sky. There was a dash of pink mixed in the middle and a deep shade of blue was slowly taking over the sky, inch by inch, leaving shining stars in it's wake. There was just something about it that made Isak scoot just a little bit closer to Julian, their hands nearly touching. Isak swore he saw the boy blushing. The stayed there for a while, not talking much, just looking, thinking, unsaid words lingering in the air, waiting to be caught. But they all flew off with the wind. When Julian dropped Isak off, Isak gave him a kiss on the cheek.

***

Isak met up with Sana in a small coffee shop near his house to catch up. They never really did this, but shared biology lessons really made them a lot closer, even if neither of them admitted it.

"So, Julian, huh?"

"Is that really why we're here?"

"No, no, I just wanted to make sure that you're ready, Isak. We all remember The Boy Who Shall Not Be Named."

"Alex is not Voldemort, Sana. He's just an asshole. Besides, me and Julian are not even together. Though if we were, there would be nothing wrong with it. Even certainly moved on and I can do that, too."

Sana sighed and gave him one of her 'this is not the time to be a petty bitch' looks.

"You can't always be so sure of everything you see, Isak."

"He was eating some blonde chick's face. There aren't really any other explanations there."

"Look, all i'm saying is that every story has two sides. You don't know his."

Isak was getting more and more frustrated and suspicious.

"I don't. But it sounds like you do. Anything you wanna tell me?"

"I don't know details. And even if I did, I wouldn't tell you. I'm in no position to do that."

"Ugh. Why are you so responsible?"

"It's called being reasonable. You have to sort this out for yourself and if you try and it doesn't work,  _then_ I might help."

She gave him a devious smile and he chuckled, shoulders shaking with it. Sana did know how to help, he'd give her that. And he felt a small wave of comfort, knowing that Sana would have his back. He'd do the same for her any day.

***

"What's going on between you and Even 2.0?"

Isak groaned and hit his best friend's shoulder. 

"Nothing is going on between us, and  _please_ don't ever call him that again."

Jonas started laughing so hard he nearly choked on his drink. Deserved it.

"Okay, but for real, though. You've been hanging out a lot recently and you have to admit, he does kinda look like Even."

"Ugh, maybe. But there's really nothing there. We're just friends. He's nice to me."

"I'm glad, Is. But just know that if he should hurt you, I will kill the bastard."

Isak snorted at that.

"I figured."

***

Isak was hyperventilating, gasping for air in the front of the house of someone he didn't know, on a street he'd never heard of. He'd been having the time of his life, pleasantly buzzed and laughing with his friends while making new ones. Dancing and moving and having a hell lot of fun. Until  _he_ showed up. With his gravity-defying quiff and glowing smile. With his _Sonja_ glued to his side. The girl really was gorgeous. She gad short blonde hair that seemed to be styled just as flawlessly as Even's. Her eyes seemed to glisten even in the dim light of the house and her black dress seemed to be made for her body. Isak could feel himself getting sick so he ran out before Even got the chance to notice him. He sure seemed a lot happier than he had been before he left. A lot happier than Isak. As if their break up meant nothing to him. Maybe it didn't. Maybe Isak really was just a good fuck as always. As he'd ever been to anyone.

He was starting to breathe again, when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"You okay there? You ran out pretty quickly."

"Yeah, just needed some air."

Julian nodded and squeezed his shoulder.

"Did it have something to do with the blonde who shall not be named?"

Isak groaned loudly, burying his face in his hands.

"Why does everyone keep treating my exes like Harry Potter villains? But, yeah, I guess. I don't think i'm ready to properly face him yet."

Julian had taken the chance to sit down beside Isak on the side of the road and was rubbing circles into his back now.

"That's understandable. You want me to take you home?"

"I don't really wanna go home."

"You could sleep over at mine? My parents aren't home."

Isak gave him a skeptic look.

"I won't try anything, I promise. What do you say?"

"Sure."

When Julian's car pulled out of the house's driveway, Isak thought he saw a figure of a tall boy standing in front of the house, but he might have imagined it.

"I'm not gonna make you sleep on the floor in your own house."

"Well i'm not letting you sleep on the floor in my house, either, Isak."

"Ugh."

"We can share the bed if you're okay with that. I'll keep my clothes on and everything."

Isak looked at him and shrugged. And then pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it on the floor.

"That's fine. But I won't."

Julian groaned, toeing off his socks,

"You're making it really hard, Isak."

Isak gave him a look that read 'do you even realize what you just said' and Julian groaned louder, throwing a pillow at the other boy who was laughing now in his underwear, fitting himself under the duvet. Julian replaced his jeans with a pair of sweatpants and changed his shirt before climbing onto the other side of the bed. When he turned off the light, Isak was already sound asleep, facing away from him. He still whispered a 'good night' before his own eyes fell shut as well.

Isak woke up with an arm around him. He quickly climbed out of bed, pulling on his clothes and gathering all his possessions, before leaving the house quietly. He walked home.

\---

_When Isak woke up, he felt a slight tingle in his lower back, but he knew that it was more than worth it. Because the boy who had given him those tingles was the one that currently had his arms around Isak, breathing into his hair softly, hugging him tight and close. Isak didn't think he'd ever felt that safe his entire life. No one had really made him feel like this. He'd always been just a quick fuck and left in the morning before he could be thrown out. But this was different. This was Even. Even who had waited for him, Even who had taken care of him. Even, who had kissed him all over and made him see stars. This was Even. And Isak knew that no one could ever compare to him anymore. He was positive that Even had ruined him. Speaking of, the body beneath him was slowly moving, and the grip around his waist tightened. Then he felt soft kisses on the top of his head and he lifted his chin, his eyes meeting bright blue. Even's lips moved from his curls to his forehead and then his nose and then his cheeks and Isak was squirming and giggling before Even finally closed the gap between their lips. And Isak stopped moving. Time stopped moving. The world stopped moving. Kissing Even first thing in the morning was something he'd gotten so used to, but it still made his toes curl every single time. Still made his eyelashes flutter and his insides jump. When he'd told Even that he was in love with him, too, he'd meant it. Every single bit. He knew that this boy was his world and he could never love anyone the same after him. He hope he'd never have to._

_"What are you thinking about?"_

_Isak looked up at him and smiled, pecking him on the lips, once, twice and then a third time._

_"You."_

_Even kissed him back and Isak swore he could feel Even's heart dripping off of his tongue and into Isak's system. Yeah. Even ruined him. And Isak let himself be ruined._

\---

Julian:

u left :( 

so that's all I am to u, huh? just a comfy bed. i see. 

Isak:

haha shush

just had some stuff to do

will see u again soon ?

Julian:

of course <3

Isak:

<3

***

The rest of June went by in a blur. More parties and more sunsets. More coffee shop talks with Sana and sleepovers with the girls. More trips with the boys and new friends and laughs. More Julian. More walks in the part and blushes and flirting. More sneaked glances and hidden smiles. More waking up next to a warm body and falling asleep in the middle of town. There were more phone calls and stories. More Isak. More happiness. More of what he had been. More of what he wanted to be. 

"I bet I can throw this into that trashcan from here."

Isak scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"That's a bet lost before it's even made."

Julian raised his brows at Isak, giving him a challenging look.

"If you're so sure you're right, then let's do it. Let's make a bet?"

"What are we betting on?"

"If I get this cup into the trash from here, you have to come to the party tonight. As my date."

Now it was Isak's turn to raise his brows.

"And if you can't?"

"Then i'll buy you coffee for a month."

"Deal."

Julian turned himself towards his target, calculating the shot carefully before the cup was off and - the fucker actually did it. He threw the goddamn cup into the goddamn trashcan. And then, of course, he smiled triumphantly, grabbing Isak's hand and placing a kiss on his knuckles. Isak pulled his hand away and flipped him off. Julian laughed.

"I will not tolerate such behavior tonight, just so you'd know."

"Oh, fuck off."

***

Julian showed up at his door at exactly 9 PM to pick him up for the party. He'd dressed nicely, but not too nicely. He had on black jeans and a matching jumper. Isak on the other hand wore his blue jeans and a certain white t-shirt with the picture of a red rose. Sue him, it looked good. Julian seemed to agree as he couldn't get his eyes off Isak, sneaking glances the whole way there, not stopping once they got to the party. 

Once in the kitchen, Julian poured them both a mixture of some alcoholic beverage and soda. Isak liked the way it tasted. Liked how it seemed to wipe away everything else. He only had one cup of it but it gave him a nice buzz. He felt okay. Okay enough to be dragged between the grinding bodies and flashing lights. Okay enough to move along to the beat, letting Julian's hands rest on his hips. He felt okay. He felt good. 

As the night progressed, more people arrived and the whole house was soon packed, so Isak grabbed Julian's hand and dragged him to the backyard. Only a few people were scattered here and there, so Isak felt comfortable sitting down with Julian, letting their legs overlap.

"Enjoying the party?"

"It's okay. A bit crowded, though."

"That's for sure. But how are you enjoying the night as my date?" Julian said with a smirk.

"Hmm, maybe like a 7/10. Not enough compliments and the location could be better."

Julian snorted.

"Well, maybe I could do better next time. Tell me, what does a date need to have to be Isak approved?"

Isak paused to fake think, turning back to Julian with a sly smile.

"Can't tell you. Otherwise it wouldn't be fun for me."

"Oh screw you."

They both laughed. Then talked some more. As the minutes went by, the space between them disappeared slowly and soon Isak had his head on Julian's shoulder, just resting. And then they talked some more. And giggled and flirted and blushed. And then they kissed. Isak felt the soft lips against his own. Felt Julian's body pressed against his. He gave the kiss his all, tangling his fingers in Julian's hair, gasping and smiling into it. Even with closed eyes, he could see sparkling blue. Could see glistening blonde locks. Could feel the long arms around him. When they pulled away, they both knew. Julian rested their foreheads together, closing his eyes, speaking softly,

"Isak, when you were kissing me, were you really kissing me or were you kissing him?"

Isak felt a lump in his throat. He wanted to speak but nothing really came out. It took a while before he could open his mouth, voice cracking every few letters,

"I'm sorry."

Julian pulled away, intertwining their fingers, kissing the back of Isak's hand and leaning back for a short kiss. Isak couldn't help but kiss back.

"It's okay. I guess I sort of saw this coming. You really love him, don't you?"

Isak nodded. Julian looked down at their hands and then back at Isak.

"Then you have to try. I can't keep you with me if you're in love with someone else. Go get your man, Isak. But if it doesn't work out, i'll always be here."

Isak laughed. It was a sad laugh. He kissed Julian's cheek before getting up.

"I hope you find someone who you can love and who will love you back. You deserve it."

"Thanks."

"I mean it."

Julian gave him a half smile.

"Bye."

"Bye."

And he was off, pushing through the crowd of people, making it outside. He knew he had to do this. He needed closure. He needed to talk to Even. He just didn't know how.

 


	18. Don't let me be yours

"You're still here?"

Isak looked up, his eyes half lidded, a tear threatening to spill.

"-Or are you back already?"

"Oh, no. I, uh, haven't left yet."

"It's been an hour, Isak. Everything okay?"

Isak's expression resembled something like pain and he sighed.

"I just. I don't know if he even wants me anymore."

His voice got lost somewhere mid sentence, but Julian heard him. Heard him loud and clear, taking a seat on the grass beside him.

"Isak, you won't know until you try. You have to talk to him. If it's over, then it's over and you can move on, okay?"

Isak took a deep breath, looking into Julian's eyes. They held nothing but sympathy and patience. Isak smiled.

"I guess. I just don't know if i'm really ready. I kinda started thinking."

Julian looked at him expectantly, waiting for Isak to continue and it made they boy blush and fidget.

"I keep remembering Even's new girlfriend. And how they looked so happy together. How our breakup didn't seem to affect Even at all. Perhaps it wasn't meant to be. I just don't know if I can face him after that."

Isak knew that if he was sober, he'd never tell such things to someone like Julian. But he wasn't. So he took a hesitant breath before continuing,

"Maybe I should just get over him."

Isak heard a sharp intake of breath from beside him and then Julian's arm was pulling him into his side. Isak didn't know when he'd started crying, but he felt his body shake, felt every limb detach and every doubt roll down his cheeks. He let himself be held as he positively soaked Julian's sweater in his tears. And Julian didn't let go.

***

When Isak opened his eyes, he was met with bright blue and gold. The brightness of his smile made Isak's eyes crinkle and his laugh was killing Isak in all the best ways. His soft touch felt burning on Isak's waist, fingers twisting a curl in front of his face. Isak felt every nerve in his body light up and explode, sending him into a fit of shivers. As Isak felt his lips touch his forehead, he let his eyes slip shut. When they glided over his cheeks, they left a pink tint behind. The touch of them on the tip of his nose made Isak's insides flip. When their lips overlapped, Isak was in heaven. They were soft and gentle and everything Isak needed. Everything felt a thousand times brighter again. Isak could breathe. Could breathe only through his mouth, through his touch. Needed him like oxygen. When they pulled away, Isak felt a piece of him leave.

"I love you, Isak."

Daggers through his heart, twisting and burning bright, lighting up thousands of fireworks in their wake. 

"I love you too."

When Isak woke up, there were tears staining his cheeks and he couldn't breathe. He felt like he was falling, falling, falling down. Julian was the only one there to catch him. The one to hold him as he cried. The one to tell him it would be okay. The one to kiss his hair and forehead. The one to shield him from the world. Isak couldn't help but still feel Even's touch. The boy had ruined him to the point of no return.

***

When Isak found himself at Julian's door a week later, it was no surprise. They took a trip to the movies, walking back home through small streets and parks.That was the first time Isak could breathe without Even.

The second time was at a party where Julian and Isak went together. Neither of them knew the host, but they both had friends by their sides all night long, leaving long enough for them to ditch and walk through the city with only stars and streetlights casting a dim glow over the two boys. They slept at Isak's house that night.

The third time was at a coffee shop. Neither of them classified it as a date, but Julian paid for Isak's coffee and complimented him all afternoon. They stayed talking and laughing for hours and Isak found looking into blue eyes a little less painful. His laugh was a bit more genuine. His heart didn't ache as much.

Over the course of the next week and a half, Isak didn't see anyone but Julian. When the boys called him, he said he was busy. The girls got the same answer. No one ever questioned him. He found himself in new places with new people, always the same boy by his side. His mind was starting to distinguish the faint green tint in Julian's eyes that Even's didn't have. The higher note in his laugh that made it sound more carefree. Learned to find the dusty tone in his hair that didn't glow quite the same. But his mind was adapting to the changes, learning to accept, learning to forget. Every sight that used to cut his chest open was being replaced. Even was being replaced. Isak let him fall into the past. He didn't look back. His heart was screaming at him, begging for him to hold on, but Isak didn't listen. Didn't care. He wanted to be okay. He wanted to be happy. Julian was becoming his okay. Was becoming his happy. Isak let him in with open arms. 

***

"All i'm saying is that you might be moving too fast."

Isak rolled his eyes so dramatically, it looked as if he was being taken over by a demon.

"He moved on before I did, Sana. I'm ready for that, too. Do you not want me to be happy?"

Sana sighed.

"I do, Isak. But you haven't even spoken to him."

"Okay, first of all, how do you know that I haven't? Second of all, I don't need to. In fact, talking to him is the last thing I need. I'm doing great and I don't need him to rub his new pretty girlfriend in my face."

"That's exactly why I think you need to talk to him. If you were in a good place, his happiness wouldn't bother you. You clearly need some kind of closure because you're still grumpy and bitter about this whole thing. And I know because I've spoken to him. And if you still won't talk to him, i'll know. And i'll come for you."

"Ugh. Whatever. Can we talk about something else?"

"Fine. But I won't forget this, Isak. Just know that."

***

Isak was kissing him. This time he was actually kissing him. Julian. Not Even. Not anyone else. But Julian. And it felt nice. Maybe it would've felt nicer if it wasn't in a bathtub at a random party, but it was still something. It still counted. Because Isak was kissing Julian. And it felt good. His lips were soft and warm and the thing he did with his tongue made Isak's body buzz. The teeth on his lower lip made him groan and the hands on his waist left burning imprints. He was kissing Julian. So why did it still feel so much like Even?

It must have been at least ten minutes before they stopped, Julian now slotted between Isak's legs, the two boys chest to chest. Isak was breathing heavy and something seemed to sting just a little bit. Somewhere deep between his ribs, there was an ache. Isak kissed Julian again instead of dealing with it.

Isak woke up the next morning with a throbbing headache and Julian in his bed. Isak still had his pants on, and Julian was wearing his shirt and boxers, so that was one possible mistake Isak could cross off the list. He checked his phone for any messages he might've sent the night before and - nothing. Another mistake crossed off. But there was one thing he still wasn't that certain of. He felt the slight swelling of his lips, noticed the purplish tint that also covered Julien's. It was pretty damn obvious. So why didn't Isak remember? It was as if some part of his brain was making him forget the memory and move on. Maybe he should have. Instead, he fell beck down on the bed, facing the other boy, leaving kisses all over his face, pulling him from his sleep. Julian kissed him back immediately, cradling his face in his hands, pulling Isak closer, as close as they possibly could be. So that was certain now.

They managed to fall asleep once again in the midst of kissing, Isak's head on Julian's chest, arm wrapped around his waist. Julian woke up first this time, pulling Isak closer and kissing the top of his head until he groaned quietly, trying to protest but failing miserably. He let himself be woken up by more kisses all over his face and neck and chest until he was squirming and blushing and stuttering, getting up on shaky feet.

"Breakfast?"

Julian smiled big and wide, threatening to blind Isak.

"After you."

They sat in silence, eating the cereal that Isak had found from his cupboard, legs tangled under the table. There was some kind of familiar comfort in all of it that made Isak feel warm inside. He wanted to question it, but Julian's voice broke him out of his head.

"So, uh, what does all this mean?"

Isak lifted his eyes to look at Julian, but his head stayed put, tilted just a little bit down. His voice was quiet and uncertain as he asked,

"What do you want it to mean?"

And there it was. The déjà vu. The familiarity. The repetitive beahviour that always ended in flames. The question he'd asked only once, but a question that had given him everything.

"I want to try this thing. With you."

Isak smiled, although it was a little bit difficult.

"I would like that."

***

"You never talked to him."

Isak groaned and let his head fall against the table.

"No. And why does it matter?"

"Because you started going out with someone who looks basically exactly like him, completely oblivious to what's going on around you," Sana said pointedly, making Isak squint his eyes at her, brows rising in question.

"You haven't really let go of him. But you have to do that, Isak. You can't keep running away from your problems."

"I'm not running away from anything. I'm doing what's best for me. I like Julian. I like him for him. There's nothing more to it."

Sana still looked sceptical.

"Take your time with this, Isak. Be sure that this is what you want. Because if you screw this up and get hurt, then I will smack you."

***

 The first thing that Isak noticed while dating Julian, was how easy it was to mistake him for someone else first thing in the morning. Yet he always blinked that picture away, set the thought sailing far. He noticed how their hands weren't really that made to be fit together, so he squeezed Julian's grip and made it work. He noticed how Julian's eyes would crinkle when he smiled and how the green in his eyes seemed to disappear in the sun. Isak started noticing a lot, so he kept pushing everything back. Kept ignoring it and making it work. Julian caught on quite quickly.

"You still see him in me, don't you?"

Isak turned his head away, but Julian grabbed his chin, turning Isak's head right back.

"I'm sorry. I try not to, but sometimes he's just _there_."

"It's okay. I never really expected this to be easy."

"This doesn't mean that it has to be over, though. I really want to make this work and it's been getting a lot easier to forget about him. I want to try this, Julian. I really do."

Julian kissed him instead of replying. When Isak kissed back, he was finally kissing Julian.

After that day, Julian seemed to pay a lot more attention to Isak. He would take him out to dinner and buy him things and absolutely spoil him. And oh, did Isak love being spoiled. He soaked it all up, feeling on top of the world, letting Julian take care of him. He started taking the boy with him when he went out with friends, introduced him to the girls and let himself be kissed in front of them. He melted into the group fairly easily, soon getting along with everyone, including Jonas. The latter had been uncertain at first, but seeing his best friend smiling and enjoying life again had convinced him enough. So Isak was able to turn a new page. A blank sheet to cover with his own words. His own story.

When they'd been together for a week, Julian took Isak on a date to watch the sunset by the sea, drinking champagne and kissing all night. They fell asleep by the shore, cuddled up against each other, soaking up every unspoken emotion and word. Isak felt content. For the first time, he felt okay

***

Another week passed and Isak was beginning to fall into a rhythm with Julian. They seemed to start existing together, even apart. There was just something in the way that they started considering the other's habits even without them around. The way their kisses had meaning. A purpose. It was as if they'd learned everything about each other within a mere couple of weeks. Except, well. There was one thing they hadn't done yet. One thing Isak never really felt ready for. Isak couldn't bring himself to sleep with Julian. Nothing or no one was stopping him, yet he just could not do it. Something about it didn't feel right. Julian kept reassuring Isak that he would wait, but Isak was more stuck in his own head. More stuck on why he couldn't just go on and do it. Because he wanted to be able to have sex with his boyfriend. So what was still stopping him?

What started out as watching a movie had now escalated into a makeout session on Isak's couch. There were lips and hands and giggles and gasps and Isak was straddling Julian's hips, scrunching his eyes shut and trying to hold in his little laughs as Julian's fingers crawled up and down his sides, making him squirm and giggle. He made an effort to keep their lips together, not breaking off, not giving up. He was tangling his fingers in Julian's hair, pressing himself incredibly closer to the other boy. He knew that this was the moment. He had to try. So he finally pulled off, grabbing Julian's hands to intertwine their fingers, pressing their foreheads together.

"Hey."

"Yeah?"

"I really, really like you."

Julian raised his brows, teeth sinking into his bottom lip.

"You really like me?"

Isak nodded. A part of him felt Julian's eyes decipher all his insides. Yet the boy's sigh caught him off guard. Isak felt his brows furrow when the boy pulled further away.

"I don't think I can do this anymore."

"What do you mean?"

Julian pushed Isak a little bit further off of him until he was sitting on Julian's legs.

"I mean. This is all it's ever going to be, isn't it? You're always just going to _like_ me. I'll always be the substitute."

"Julian, what are you talking about? Is this about Even? Because i'm over him. You know that."

"But are you really? Look at me right now and tell me you don't see him. Kiss me and tell me you can't taste him."

There was something stuck in Isak's throat. Something painful that was keeping him from breathing. Keeping his tongue stuck. He just stared at Julian, no words really able to escape.

"You let me fall in love with you while you kept falling for him."

Isak barely registered Julian getting up. Barely felt himself slide to the floor. Barely heard the door shut. Barely heard the small voice in his head, telling him what he was most afraid of.  _'He's right. He's right. He's right._

As soon as Isak got his mind and body back, he was on his feet, out the door. His feet were dragging him somewhere but he wasn't quite sure until he recognized the house. A part of him was scared to knock because he was afraid that Sana was going to eat him alive. Yet he needed advice. And Sana was his best source. So with a shaky hand, he knocked three times. There was shuffling on the other side of the door and it opened slowly, revealing a big smile that quickly fell. Isak most certainly had not prepared for this. Oh no.

"Even. Hi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do u notice my chapters getting shorter and shittier bc o boy !!


	19. Falling back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wrote half of this fucking chapter and somehow refreshed the page and lost it so i'm crying and stressed and fuck i just,, can't do this sometimes ?? i constantly feel like i'm letting yall down with short half assed chapters i spent like two weeks on and i just ,,, cant ,, i'm so fucking stressed ,, (also there's not much left to this story and i'm sorry, but it will be over soon :( i will continue writing, though, and i have a few new ideas brewing up so keep an eye out for those !!)

"Isak, hei. I was, uh, just leaving. Sana's in her room. So, yeah. It was nice seeing you. Bye."

Even was gone before Isak could even blink and then he was faced with a smiling Sana, although her face quickly dropped when she saw Isak's expression.

"Isak? Everything okay?"

"It's Julian. He left me."

Sitting down in Sana's bed made Isak realize how long it'd been since he'd last been there. Seeing all the pictures on her walls, all her little plants and books, it made him feel like home. Sana came in a few minutes later with two cups of tea and a badly hidden pack of tissues. Isak accepted the tea and pulled the tissues out of her pocket at which Sana just snorted.

"Tell me what happened, Is. From the start."

And Isak told her everything. Gave her every detail he'd spared earlier. Came clean with every sleepless night and all of his heartache. Bitched about Sonja for a good ten minutes and ended with how Julian left. Nothing left unspoken.

"And you're telling me that he's right? That you still love him?"

"Yes. I just wish that I hadn't put him through all this shit just to figure out my own feelings. He deserved better."

"I mean I can't argue there. I think that if you see him again, you should apologize and it's his own choice what he does with it. At least you'll feel better."

Isak nodded, but didn't speak, instead he let Sana continue.

"Now. I'm going to say something that might piss you off, but it has to be said. You have to speak to Even. You can't push down your feelings forever. And he might still feel the same, you never know."

"As much as I hate admitting this, you're right. But I just don't know how to find him. I mean he was just leaving your's when I came in but no one tells me where he's staying or what he's doing or anything. So I don't really know how to get to him."

As Isak spoke, Sana's eyes drifted to the ground and she started chewing on her bottom lip.

"Why do you look like that? What do you know?"

Sana glanced up for just a second and then went back to averting Isak's gaze.

"Well, he's kind of been staying here."

Isak's jaw dropped.

"He's been staying  _here_ ? And you never had the though to tell me? What the fuck, Sana?! You kept pushing me to talk to him, saying you only knew a few minor details while he was fucking sleeping in your house the entire time?!?"

"What good would knowing have given you? You refused to talk to him anyway."

"Yes, but you fucking knew everything, Sana. You told me to 'give it time' and now what? I got my heart broken again. Is this what you wanted? For me to just fucking suffer?"

"No, Isak, but you have to understand t-"

"What? What do I have to understand? That you're a sneaky bitch? Yes, I know that now. Thanks for that."

With those last words, Isak stormed out of the room, power walking to the nearest park to sit and calm his nerves. He went to Noora's place instead of home. He really needed a girls night. He called Noora on the tram and when he got there, Noora's roommate Eskild was greeting him with drinks and a hug. Carmen and Noora soon followed with a tight collective embrace, leaving Isak's knees weak. They established a rule for the rest of the night: No talking about Even or Julian. Isak actually found himself having a good time. He didn't think about the boys all night.

***

Isak was walking towards the skatepark to meet the boys, when he ran into Julian. The boy tried to avoid him, but Isak was faster and stood right in front of him, forcing Julian to stop.

"Can I just say one thing?"

"Go ahead."

"I never meant to hurt you. I know that this isn't an excuse, but I didn't even realize my own feelings until you threw them in my face. You didn't deserve to be put through that. And i'm sorry."

Julian pursed his lips and nodded. 

"Thank you. Just for having the guts to apologize. I think it'll take some time before I can fully be okay around you again, but still, this means a lot."

Isak gave him a small smile.

"You deserve better. I hope you find that."

"Thank you. I'll see you around, yeah?"

"See you."

Isak made it to the skatepark with a big grin on his face. The day was getting off to a great start. The boys spent most of it in the park, laughing, sharing their adventures and of course, skateboarding. None of them asked a single question about Isak's relationships and Isak was beyond grateful for that. He didn't need anymore reminders. 

In the afternoon, they all ended up at Madhi's house, smoking and chilling, watching movies and playing FIFA. Isak felt a little bit more human.

***

Nothing really beat a mid summer party in Isak's opinion. There were no responsibilities and no stress, just weed and booze and random hook ups and music and carefree nights. Isak was currently getting high off his ass with the boys in some random person's bathtub, laughing at Magnus' story of trying to hook up with Vilde which had resulted in Magnus getting slapped. None of them were really surprised. Then they talked about the mystery girl that Madhi had been seeing, trying to pry all the details out of him. In the end, all they got was her name, Mari, and the fact that she was blonde. After that, people were starting to knock on the bathroom floor, forcing the boys to venture out into the crowd of grinding people. Isak liked the bathtub a lot more, considering he could barely register his own body and movements, the weed causing everything to slow down to a point he barely felt like he was moving. As if he was watching himself from the side.

Isak ended up in the kitchen as usual, this time opting for a glass of water, sitting down at the table, talking to a pretty girl. Isak recognized her from school. Her name was Emma and she was a year younger than him. Isak knew that he was dating this boy Nils from his geography class, but that was about it. Yet only a few minutes into the conversation they'd discovered their shared interest for 90's hip hop and shitty movies, so they got into a heated discussion about anything and everything, staying there for at least an hour before Nils came to find her, and then Isak was alone again. He decided to take a chance on the dance floor, blending in with the swaying bodies, dancing with random boys and girls, although no one really made him feel anything. He was dancing alone, enjoying himself to the fullest when he suddenly felt a hand slide down his lower back. At first it seemed like someone was either trying to pass him or was mistaking him for someone else, but soon it became evident that that wasn't the case. Isak felt the dirty hand slide just under the waistband of his jeans before he turned around, coming face to face with none other than Alex. The boy grinned wickedly, but Isak wasn't in the mood so he made a few quick movements until he'd made sure that Alex would never have children and then he was off. He puked in someone's bushes on the way home and passed out as soon as his body hit the bed. Alex was gone from his mind by the next morning.

***

It was a sleepless night. Nearly a week had passed since Isak's fight with Sana. But that was only one thing on his mind.

_"Can we just stay like this forever?"_

_"We can."_

_And then Even kissed him. Again and again and again until they both had purple lips and glazed eyes. Until neither of them could keep their hands to themselves anymore, fingers travelling under shirts and tangling in curls. Hands grabbing Isak's ass, pulling him impossibly closer to Even's heated body. Lips attacking his neck and jaw and chest, shirt long gone, discarded onto the floor. Isak moaning into Even's mouth, pleading for more, always more. Bodies becoming one in the most intimate way possible, wrapped so close and hot they were nearly melting together-_

Isak pulled himself out of that memory as quickly as he could, opting for staring at the blank ceiling instead, hoping for it to start speaking and giving him the answers he so desperately craved. Instead, it pushed his mind into the next hole.

_Blonde hair, pink lips and gorgeous greenish gray eyes. Her body in that tight black dress, the way her name rolled off of Even's tongue. S o n j a. The way her laugh was so carefree, so light. The way her smile lit up the entire room. The way her mere existence made everyone and everything glow. The way her arm fit so neatly around Even's waist. The way she fit into Even's side perfectly, as if made to be just there. And the way he looked at her. The way he smiled. The way he was happy without Isak._

Isak's entire body shivered and he felt daggers in his heart. Oh, how it hurt. He didn't want it to hurt. He hated the way that all the _'I love you'_ s and _'forever'_ s swam around his mind, making his head spin. Hated how badly Even had ruined him. Hated how much he still needed him, longed for his lips. Longed for his touch, his voice, his look. Hated how he couldn't live without him. Hated how every time he closed his eyes, he saw that smile, saw the blue oceans and golden waves and heard that laugh that made his toes curl. He hated Even for ruining him. He hated himself even more for letting himself be ruined.

_"So what does this mean for us?"_

_"What do you want it to mean?"_

_"Well I really want to be with you."_

_"I'd like that."_

Another hit.

_"It's this guy, my friend, Even."_

_"He's dating this boy, but doesn't know how to tell him he's in love with him. He's scared the boy won't feel the same way."_

Heart broken into a million pieces.

_"Hey, Even."_

_"Hm?"_

_"I'm in love with you too."_

Pieces all over the floor, too small to be picked back up.

_"I feel like it's all going to crash any second. Like something is going to give in and it's gonna be over. I don't want to lose this."_

_"You won't. I promise, baby. I love you so much. And i'm never letting anything take you away from me. Ever. I swear."_

Isak had lost a piece of him that he would never get back and he knew that. He barely registered the tears streaming down his face and the pounding ache in his chest. He didn't realize he'd cried himself to sleep until he woke up with a pounding headache at 6 AM. No point in going back to sleep. Isak knew what he had to do. For real, this time.

***

So Isak was back at Sana's door with a cup of her favourite tea from her favourite coffee shop. Maybe it was just a bit of a bribe, but he felt like she deserved it. Sana eyed him very suspiciously when she sipped the beverage, signalling for Isak to step in. 

"I wanted to apologize."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I should have told you earlier. And I shouldn't have pushed you to talk to Even. So i'm the one who's sorry."

Isak sighed and shook his head.

"Still doesn't excuse my reaction. I'm sorry I yelled at you and called you a sneaky bitch."

Sana laughed at that.

"It's okay. I kind of deserved it. But do you want to come in?"

Isak scratched the back of his neck, fidgeting awkwardly.

"Actually, I also wanted to have a little talk with someone else. And I was wondering if he's home."

Sana smiled at him, dimples popping and everything, hand waving at the direction of a door at the end of the hall.

"In there. Good luck, Is."

"Thank you."

Sana retreated back to her room after thanking Isak for the tea again. Twice. Which now left Isak alone, standing in front of the door that let through a quiet melody. Isak recognized it. Even was playing guitar. A thought crossed his mind that maybe he should come back at a better time, but he'd avoided it for long enough. It was time. So he knocked hesitantly. There was a muffled 'come in' from the other side of the door. Isak pushed it open slowly, revealing exactly what he'd expected. Even sitting cross legged in the middle of the room with a guitar perched in his lap. His eyes widened at the sight of Isak.

"I want to talk."

"So do I."

Even stood up from the ground, sitting on his bed, patting the seat next to him. Isak sat just a little bit further that he wanted to.

"Do you have questions or?"

Isak's breath caught for a second. Did he have questions? Did he even think this through?

"Uh, I guess there's just one."

"Yes?"

Isak looked down at his lap where his hands were tugging on every available string or piece of fabric before looking up again.

"Why?"

Even seemed to have expected the question. Yet he didn't seem to have his answer thought through, either. There was nearly a minute of silence before he spoke up again.

"Top drawer. Open it."

Isak did as told. There were random notepads and pencils scattered in there, but the tiny black box in the corner was what peaked Isak's interest. He waited for Even to say something more.

"The box. Look inside."

Isak cautiously picked up the small black object, inspecting it in his hands before carefully lifting the lid. Inside was a ring. A gold ring decorated with small diamonds going all around the band. That sure as hell looked like an engagement ring to Isak so he lifted his eyes from the box, landing on Even's.

"It's an engagement ring. But you probably guessed that already. I bought it when I was manic. I was going to propose,"

Isak gasped audibly, heart clenching in his chest.

"I meant it, too. I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. And it didn't scare me then, but when I crashed and saw what i'd done to you, I realized just how terrified I actually am. I can't have you making that kind of commitment to someone like me. I can't take your freedom. Especially when you have your entire life ahead of you."

Isak was getting more and more angry by the second. Even can't have him  making that kind of commitment? Can't 'take his freedom'? Bullshit.

"That's bullshit. You couldn't force me into anything. If you'd have asked me and i would have said yes then it would have been my choice. You can't make my decisions for me, Even. That's not how this works," Isak said, getting more and more heated with every word.

"Bu-"

"No. You're not excusing yourself out of this. You made me fucking miserable, broke my heart and threw it out without looking back. And why? Because you thought I can't make my own decisions? Because you don't think i'm strong enough? And then you go out and fuck the first chick you find and rub it in my fucking face with no regards for my feelings whatsoever? Fuck you, Even. Actually, fuck you."

Isak was hissing the last words through tears, face red and burning. He felt every cell in his body light up, spark and tingle. The fingers that were clutching the small box so tight that his knuckles turned white were going limp abruptly, letting the box fall to the floor with a dull thud.

"I was fucking scared, Isak. And yes, this doesn't excuse what I did, but buying a 40 thousand kroner ring is just the beginning and I don't want to know what else I'm capable of doing. I won't let myself do this to you. And Sonja? When I saw you and Julian together, I needed to prove to myself that I made the right choice, I guess. But I didn't even have the guts to tell her i'm bipolar. She still found out and left. And by that time, you'd already moved on. So I guess it all worked out."

"Worked out? This is what you fucking call this? I was in pain for fucking weeks and the one person who finally made me feel okay decided to leave me too because, oh, i'm still in love with my e-"

Isak stopped before he could finish, but it was too late already. It was all out in the open now. Even was staring at him with a slack jaw and Isak swore he could hear Even's heartbeat. Before Even could do as much as open his mouth, Isak ran. He slammed every door on his way and didn't stop until he was back home. He thinks he fell asleep on the couch because a knock on his door woke him up again. When he gt up and opened it, his knees got weak and his mouth got dry. He was staring up into a pair of big blue eyes that seemed to be on the verge of tearing up.

"I'm still in love with you too."

With that, Isak threw his arms around Even's neck, pulling their lips together. Isak swore that when he closed his eyes, he saw heaven.


	20. Backwards in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i've been having exams and family stuff and a whole lot of dysphoria in the past weeks so sorry for being gone for so long ?? also i kind of had a block while writing this where i just couldn't deal with anything sooooo i did some new stuff ,,,  
> I have two new fics coming along currently if u maybe wanna uhhhh check em out ?? here's a lil introduction:  
> "Til death do us part" is an angsty first person POV fic about Isak's struggles to let go of Even and have Even let go of him while he's watching over Even and all their friends after he dies. A lot of feels. A lot of tears. It's just sad.  
> "La Vie en rose" is the opposite. After Isak and Even both face their own struggles, they find themselves in southern France for a summer. Three months, two boys, a lot of flirting and falling in love. It's sappy. But I love it.

 

Blunt fingernails indenting his skin, a strong pair of hands clutching onto his back. Soft lips against his own, moans vibrating and breaths tangling. Even's hands were roaming all over Isak's body, bunching up his shirt to part their mouths just long enough to rid of the garment. And then Isak's shaky breaths on his bare chest, soft fingers pressing into his skin as Even laid the gasping boy on the bed. And then there was more of Isak. Everything was Isak. His taste that Even tried to get the last of, tongue in Isak's mouth so deep, getting to that clean unique taste of only Isak, lips in the way of any oxygen, any close piece of sanity left. Pushing into his body was like being home after years of darkness and dread. His moans lit up every cell in Even's body like an endless string of fairy lights and he was glowing from within. Isak's curls were splayed out on the white pillow like strings of liquid gold, emerald eyes piercing Even inside out, leaving scars to last forever. And then his hands were clutching the sheets and then Even's back again, never glued to one place, always picking and tugging and full of unsaid doubts and uncertainty. And Even felt all of it. Still felt the insecurity of it all, the fear of  _what comes after_. The fear that had been silenced before, now flowing out from between Isak's lips in pleas mixed with salty tears.  _"Please don't ever leave me again. Please, please, please." "Never."_ And Even meant it. And then Isak's eyes were rolling back and he came with a loud groan, pulling Even as tight against him as he could, and Even could feel the pleasure pulsating through Isak's veins. Mixed with his own as he buried his face in Isak's neck, sucking on pale, unmarked skin as his hips stuttered, pushed, stopped. And then the room was filled with only heaving breaths and the sound of Even falling on the mattress beside Isak.

"That was,  _wow._ " was all Even could come up with. Isak laughed, but it was shallow. 

"Better than Sonja?" he said, in a tiny, tiny voice, that possibly held the biggest fear he had at that moment. Even sighed and closed his eyes for a few seconds.

"We never had sex."

Isak's eyebrows shot up and his mouth opened and closed three times before even the smallest sound was able to escape. The smallest sound being a weak ' _huh?_ '. Even chewed his lip to hold back the bubbly laughter that was threatening to spill. He let his heart spill instead.

"I couldn't. Felt like I was letting you down. Sounds really stupid, I know. But just, before we say or do anything else, you deserve a proper explanation. Even if it doesn't fix anything," Even said quietly, and Isak nodded so he cleared his throat and continued "After you left earlier, my first instinct was to run after you. But my first instincts are usually shit, so I went to Sonja's instead. To apologize. Even bought her flowers. Because she was my way of telling my heart that i'd made the right choice. When I saw you with Julian and saw his comments on your pictures, it made my blood boil. I started doubting everything even more than I had before. So my idea was that I just had to find someone new and it would blow over. And I would be normal again. So when the girl working at my favorite coffee shop started flirting with me, I thought 'well why not?'. We went out and I guess we were dating at some point, but it was never really official. Because I realized that no one could erase you. Every time I saw you somewhere, my knees still felt weak. Every time I saw a boy with golden curls, I wanted to cry. And I knew that I'd made a mistake. Sonja actually broke up with me the same day I wanted to tell her the truth. So I guess that still worked out. But I never stopped loving you. And hearing you say that you still felt the same was something I didn't deserve. Because it's you. An-"

"Shut up. Just, don't say another word," Isak was teary eyed and Even only now noticed that Isak had been chewing on his bottom lip the whole time he'd been speaking and it really looked painful. He reached out to pull it away with his thumb, making Isak's breath hitch, and the boy moved closer to him, wrapping his arm around Even and buried his face in the crook of Even's neck.

"We both made mistakes, okay? I went out with Julian because somewhere in my subconscious, it was almost as if I was still with you. I guess my mind never felt the need to inform me that I was still desperately holding onto every shred of hope I had so Julian just made me fall even deeper in love with you. And needless to say, he figured it out. So we both fucked up. And we're both pretty shitty people right now, to be honest."

Even snorted, looked down at Isak, and there was a spark in his eyes when he spoke,

"Which makes us perfect for each other."

Isak looked at him with a weak smile.

"I hope so."

"I promise. I'm done running. I've learned that i'm incapable of falling out of love with you so i'm sorry baby, but you're stuck with me."

Isak wrapped himself tighter around the warm body in his arms.

"Good, because I want to be stuck with you."

And then they kissed. And it was like the first time again. The faint taste of cotton candy seeping between their tongues, only a sliver of Even's imagination. But the smile against his lips meant Isak felt it too. Meant that it was like the first time again. It was the first time. The first of a lot of times. The first of a clean page. A fresh start. Even was ready to tear the previous pages out.

***

Isak was giving him shy smiles and glances the whole time Even was making breakfast. Every time he looked over, Isak had his bottom lip between his teeth, biting back a smile as he blew Even a kiss. Somewhere haflway through the process, Even needed to touch Isak and taste him, even for just a second. Leaving the food for a moment, Even made his way to the counter where Isak was sitting in one of Even's t-shirts, looking like a picture picked out straight from Even's wet dream. He parted Isak's thighs and pushed between them, palms gliding over his hipbones to land on Isak's waist. When Isak wrapped his arms around Even's neck and pulled their lips together, Even realized that he could never live without that. Realized how Isak's kisses were like oxygen and he could finally breathe again after nearly suffocating for two months. His lips had gotten even softer and the way he gasped still made Even's heart beat faster. Even realized how much he'd missed all of it. The way their legs tangled under the table. The stolen looks over breakfast. The soul crushing hugs and the smell of Isak, a distinct feature no one else possessed. He was rediscovering every detail, falling back to old patterns as if nothing had happened. As if the world had been paused when they were apart, and Isak's lips against his pressed play again. Even swore that the first time he called Isak 'Issy' again, he felt the boy physically melt in his arms. He swore that the sun shined brighter and the birds sang more beautifully and that the world was a better place when they were together. Even felt as if a part of him was missing without Isak. But it was back now. Isak was back. Isak was his. And Even was positive that he would never let him go again.

"You never told me why you transferred," Isak said from his bed, chin propped up on a pile of pillows as he was observing Even from a distance. Even put down his pencil and turned to Isak.  _Damn he looked good._

"During my last episode i'd missed a ton of crucial lessons and subjects so the principal gave me two options: transferring to Bakka or repeating the year. So I opted for transferring. They gave me extra classes in the summer so I could finish and i'm also doing my last year there so we won't be in the same school next year," Even said with a small frown and he saw that Isak was pouting.

"Issy, baby, it's okay. I'll still see you every day, I promise. I'm holding onto you this time."

Isak smiled.

"I know. I'm not letting you go."

Even grinned wide. A message disrupted the small moment and Even moved to check his phone as Isak went back to the book Even hadn't noticed before. When the screen lit up, it was a message from Sana.

Sana:

i assume it went well

or did isak kill u and ur lying in a ditch somewhere?

if ur alive then maybe tell me if there's anything u need from the store bc im going rn

Even:

went well :)

if ur going to the store u could uhhh pick up some condoms maybee ?? ;)

Sana:

u see that's exactly what i'm not gonna do :) i'll bring u cookies or smthn, see u later !! 

(bring isak if ur coming back)

Even:

:(

(i will)

(he's needy i gotta go)

"Eveeeeennnn I want a fucking kiss can you  _plea-"_ Even cut Isak off with a sticky kiss, making the boy cling onto him desperately. Even decided that kissing Isak was definitely the best thing in the world.

"I was talking to Sana before you rudely interrupted me, and she told me to bring you when I go back so what do you say?"

Isak smiled and gave him a quick peck.

"Let's go."

They got dressed in comfortable silence, sharing looks and giggles and it was normal again. It was them. From that moment, it would always be them.


	21. I swear that I will wake up next to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i started a story on wattpad and i'd very much appreciate it if you'd check it out !! the link is at the end of this chapter !! (you should read this first, though,,) (yes i am an attention whore get over it)

"You promised you wouldn't leave again, Even! You fucking  _promised_!" Isak shouts, eyes wet with tears and Even chews on his lip.

"I can't do this anymore, Isak, i'm sorry."

Isak's entire body is filled with rage and there are salty drops rolling down his cheeks. He wants to scream, wants to punch something,  _someone_ , wants to cry and trash everything, yet he can't move. Can't utter anything but a weak "Fuck you, Even. I trusted you," before his eyes slip closed and he shoots up, throat dry and vision blurry. It's dark. He feels his wet cheeks and an unspeakable amount of pain in his chest. When a hand grips his wrist, he jumps.

"Isak? Everything okay?"

It's Even. Even is there. Even didn't leave. It was a dream. Just a very very bad dream.

"Yeah. Just a bad dream."

Even soothes his palm over Isak's arm a few more times before pulling the boy to his chest and wrapping his arms around him.

"You wanna talk about it?" he asks, placing a kiss on Isak's forehead.

"Nuh uh," Isak mumbles into Even's chest, inhaling his scent, the warm muscles underneath his fingers grounding him. Reminding him that they're still there. Together. Isak falls asleep to Even placing soft kisses to the top of his head. He feels safe again. Content. Happy.

Isak slowly blinks his eyes open as golden rays of sun hit his face. He rolls over and stretches his arm out for a cuddle, but is met with an empty bed. Even's side is cold, which means he's been gone a while, yet Isak can spot his jeans from across the room, meaning he hasn't gone far. Isak puffs out a breath, yet stops halfway through when he hears noises from the kitchen. He grins and stretches his limbs before getting out of bed, pulling on boxers and a t-shirt of Even's that has been in his room for months. He rubs his eyes as he walks down the stairs, only then realizing that Even isn't alone. He's talking to someone. But who on earth comes over this early? As he sneaks closer, Even's voice becomes more clear.

"-I promise, it was just all a big mistake. And I take full responsibility for what I put Isak through. But I love your son. I really do. To be fairly honest, I want to marry him one day."

Isak's gasp is so loud that the kitchen suddenly becomes quiet. Even walks out first and smiles bright at the sight of Isak, stretches his arms in front of him and Isak walks over, wraps his arms around Even's neck and kisses him hard, completely forgetting about his own parents. When his dad lets out an obvious cough, Isak laughs against Even's lips and pulls off, turns to his parents instead who are looking at him with sweet smiles and heads tilted in sync. It should be creepy how they do everything exactly like each other, but to Isak it's a sign of true love. He goes over to hug both his mum and dad, let's Even wrap his arms around Isak from behind, leaning his chin on Isak's shoulder.

"I see you've met Even, then."

Isak's mum laughs and his dad nods.

"Seems like a good guy. As long as he doesn't break your heart," Terje says, pointing his gaze to Even during the last bit. Even buries his face in Isak's shoulder and gives him a muffled, "I won't, I promise."

Isak tilts his head up towards Even, a silent plea that Even understands in moments, presses their lips together and smiles. Smiles because he can kiss Isak again. Because Isak is his. Because he's not letting Isak go this time. There's an unresolved tension in the kitchen as they all sit down to eat. Isak's mum keeps glancing at him, making sure he's okay, while Isak's dad is shooting daggers at Even with his glare. Isak notices and kicks his fathers leg under the table. Terje looks at him with a confused expression and Isak gives him a 'stop it' one in return. He sticks his tongue out and Isak throws a blueberry at him. Even laughs and pulls Isak closer to him as Isak's dad pretends to be highly offended by Isak's sudden attack. When Isak tries to throw Even with a strawberry, the boy takes it from him instead and stuffs it in Isaks mouth, kisses him as an apology, even though he's not really sorry. By the time they're finished eating and Even is washing the dishes after he  _insisted,_ Isak thinks his parents might just start to love him as much as Isak does. When Even is close to finishing up with the dishes, Marianne pulls Isak aside. 

"I really just wanted to say that I missed you. And thinking about you sulking at home for three months was excruciating. So, how are you? All smiles and puppy love aside, what do  _you_ feel inside?"

Isak stands and startes at the wall in front of him. What  _does_ he feel inside? He's okay now, he guesses. But there's that scratchy feelig that everything might fall apart again in a matter of moments.

"I'm good right now. Definitely. I'm never as happy as I am with Even. But, I don't know, there's still that doubt, you know?" he says, and when his mother nods, he continues, "It's like, sure it's great right now, but it will only take seconds for everything to fall apart again. And I just really don't want that to happen, mamma. I couldn't take it a second time." When Isak finishes, his heart speeds up just a little as he realizes exactly what he just admitted to his mother. Yet Marianne stays smiling at him and ruffles his hair.

"That's exactly what I needed to hear. I understand you have doubts and fears, but talking to Even this morning, turns out his fears are the exact same. He doesn't want to lose you again, Isak. Also he makes a killer breakfast and offers to do the dishes. He's a keeper," she laughs and Isak makes the mistake of mumbling, "You know nothing until you've tried his scrambled eggs," and Marianne's whole face lights up as Isak's fills with terror. 

"Even! You're staying over tonight, right?" she yells and Isak is shaking his head, "Mamma, i swear to god," but the suppressed smile on his face gives him away. Even walks out of the kitchen with a suspicious look in his eyes, wiping his hands in a towel.

"I-I'm not sure? Does Isak want me to?" he asks, still looking at them with a hint of confusion in his eyes, but a smile is forming on his lips. Isak starts to open his mouth, yet Marianne slaps a hand over it and gives Even her biggest grin, "Yes. He does. And he  _really_ wants you to make scrambled eggs for breakfast."

Isak tries to protest but Marianne gives him a stern look and Isak shuts up immediately.

"Well I guess i'll have to, then. For Isak, of course," Even says with a faked serious expression and Marianne releases her son with a pleased smile on her face. Isak squints his eyes at her as his father steps next to her.

"Hey, don't give my wife those looks," he threatens, face contorting as he tries to keep back his laughter.

"She's my mother. And she's manipulative and only keeps me for Even's cooking," Isak says back, the corners of his lips twitching. Even is still standing there with a towel in his hand as he tries his best to not break the silence first. He bites back the laughter and throws the towel onto the ground, wraps his arms defensively around Isak.

"How dare you speak like that to the love of my life?" he asks and all four suddenly have their jaws dropped open, as everyone else and Even realize what he just said. Isak looks up at him through his lashes and coos, "I'm the love of your life?" and Even nods. "Hell yeah you are," he says with a proud grin and Isak nearly melts in his arms, "Aw, babe," he drags out sweetly and presses their lips together for a moment, lifting himself up on his toes to reach Even's ear and whisper, "You're mine, too," before kissing his cheek with a loud, obnoxious smack. Isak's parents coo at them, "Look at our son, all in love." "I know."

"Well, it was a real pleasure to meet you two, but we're supposed to be meeting Jonas today, so we're gonna have to go," Even says, not looking away from Isak for a second, and Isak only then remembers their plans.

Jonas texted him because he thought Isak needed to be cheered up and invited him for a hangout at his with the boys. Isak replied with a 'can i bring someone' and Jonas agreed so they decided to leave it a surprise.Yet now they're in Isak's room getting dressed after a particularly steamy shower and Even is starting to have his doubts.

"Don't they all like hate me now?" he asks and Isak bites his lip and makes a 'yikes' face.

"Uhh? I'm not sure. But i'm sure they'll understand, babe. All that matters is that I love you," Isak says and leans over to kiss Even.

***

Standing in front of Jonas' house, fingers intertwined, palms pressed together, Isak feels a giddy feeling in his heart as he knocks on the door and uses his grip on Even's hand to yank him closer. Even comes willingly, almost as if he's scared of what'll happen when Jonas opens the door. He squeezes Isak's hand when the handle clicks. Then Jonas is standing in the doorway, wide grey eyes looking back and forth between them, a crease forming between his brows.

"Surprise?" Isak squeaks, and Jonas suddenly bursts out laughing.

"Mags, you owe me 300!" he shouts over his shoulder, and within seconds Magnus is at the door, groaning as he pulls out his wallet.

"No fucking way," he mumbles.

"Can someone explain what the fuck I just witnessed?" Isak asks disbelievingly and Jonas and Magnus look at each other in fear as Mahdi's laughter echoes inside the house, "Good luck getting out of that one!" he yells before cracking up again.

Jonas clears his throat, "Uh, we kind of had a bet.."

Isak snorts, "Really? Never would have guessed."

" _Anyway,_ I told Magnus after you two broke up that i could bet 300 kroner you'd be back together before the end of summer. And since he's dumb, he actually ag- OW!"

Jonas is cut off by Magnus smacking the back of his head, "It seemed serious, alright?"

"It was" Even interrupts, "But did you really bet on  _my Issy's_ misery?" he asks with a stern voice and Isak blushes at the nickname. Jonas and Magnus both look down in guilt before Even's facade crumbles and he starts laughing.

"Geez, i'm just messing. I was the one who fucked everything up. But we're okay now, right?" Even says, the last part aimed at Isak, and Isak nods, leans up for a kiss.

"Fuck, I forgot we have to deal with that again, now," Mahdi said, suddenly appearing from Jonas' living room, and Isak gladly flipped him off as he shoved his tongue in Even's mouth and all boys groaned, covering their eyes. Even just grabbed onto Isak's waist and groaned into his mouth way too dramatically. Isak decided to play along and moan loudly, wrapping a leg around Even's hip. Suddenly they were interrupted by Jonas smacking them both and they laughed, finally walking in. Even stopped Isak to whisper in his ear, "You know, we might have to continue this later," and squeezed his bum. 

"We heard that," suddenly came in unison, and the couple cracked up until they were all laughing. The day was spent eating too much junk and smoking too much weed, although Even kept back, only went along with the first two blunts that were passed around. Isak tapped out soon after that, too, still giggly and touchy enough to crawl into Even's lap, snuggle into his chest to leave sneaky kisses there. The kisses soon move to Even's neck and as good as it feels, they're still with other people, even if those other people have no idea what's happening a foot away from them. Even has to push Isak away a bit, leaving him pouting and incredibly adorable.

"Babe, your friends are right here. Wait 'til we go home, 'kay?"

Isak doesn't stop pouting as he huffs and slumps against Even's chest and mumbles, "Fine." Even rubs his back to assure Isak won't stay grumpy. Needless to say, he melts in seconds.

"But you're giving me extra special treatment for this later," he says, and Mahdi groans loud, "Gross."

Once they've come down enough that the redness in their eyes has faded, yet Isak's still cute and blushy, Even decides to get them home. It doesn't prove to be difficult, as he's ushering Isak up the stairs and into his room in no time.

"Use protection!" Terje shouts from the kitchen and Isak tries to yell back a "Screw you," which Even interrupts with a "We will!"

By the time they're in Isak's room, Isak's wearing a pretty blush and Even cooes at him, wanting to give him a soft kiss, yet Isak has other plans as he pushes Even against the door, drops to his knees and mumbles, "Been wanting to do this all day, fuck. Want your cock in my mouth," and Even has to bite his palm to muffle his groan. Isak gets his pants off in record speed, his words and the sight of him on the floor like that enough to make blood rush down south. Isak wraps a hand around him to rub him fully hard before sticking his tongue out lapping over the head, a salty taste spreading on his tongue. Even watches him, teeth worrying his bottom lip as Isak takes him down in one go, hollows his cheeks and looks up at Even with his big innocent eyes, barely any green left with the mixture of lust and weed. Even's head falls back against the door at the sight, left hand darting down to tangle his fingers in Isak's hair, making him moan and send vibrations through Even's cock, leaving him with weak knees and a familiar feeling building in his lower abdomen. He uses the grip on Isak's hair to pull him off and Isak grins up at him, clear pride evident in his features. Even growls and pulls Isak up, pulling of Isak's and his own shirt before pushing him back towards the bed with their lips locked. When Isak's legs hit the side of the bed, Even pushes him down onto it, uses the moment to rid of Isak's pants, palm over his dick just lightly enough to send sparks through his veins, yet not nearly enough to give him any actual friction. He removes his hand, grabs a shirt from the floor and twists it to fit between Isak's teeth. He smirks down at a flustered Isak, fingers rolling over his nipple, teasing, "We have to keep quiet somehow," and drops down to the floor, pushes Isak's legs up and lets him be for a moment. Just kisses the place where his thigh and ass meet, biting down on his cheek, making Isak yelp. When he notices Isak's chest heaving, he licks a stripe over Isak's hole and the boy whines through the fabric. His noises turn more erratic and desperate as Even keeps lapping and licking and pushing his tongue into Isak. The boy is getting positively ruined, legs trashing as the pleasure starts to take over completely, and that's when Even pulls away. Isak lets out the neediest, most pathetic whine and Even has to shush him. He pushes Isak further up the bed and crawls between his spread legs, reaches over to the bedside table to grab lube and a condom, tossing them beside Isak. He drips some of the liquid on his fingers, going in with two as Isak is already prepped from his tongue. He curls them, knows exactly where to aim and sure enough, Isak's back is arching off the bed as he fists the sheets in his hands. Soon enough he has three fingers sliding with ease, and he makes a show of ripping the condom open with his teeth, rolling it onto his length and stroking it a good few times. Isak pulls the shirt from his mouth and whines, "Get on with it already," which only makes Even want to tease more. He slides past Isak, sits on the bed with his back against the headboard and spreads his legs enough to make Isak groan.

"Well, come and get what you want. Ride me, Issy."

Isak groans even louder and buries his face in the sheets before he moves to straddle Even's hips, rubbing his ass over Even's member until he grabs it behind him, guides it to his hole and sinks down slowly. He's used to taking Even, his body almost sucks him in. But the noises he can drag out of Even with this are something else. The way he throws his head back in pure bliss as Isak drags up slow and slams himself back down. He's working himself up even more, small mewls and gasps tumbling from his lips as he tries not to scream and Even sees. Knows what Isak needs, circles two fingers over Isak's lips before pushing them in and Isak wraps his tongue around, works himself on Even's cock even faster, harder. His eyes are rolling back and his nails are leaving red lines down Even's shoulders. He moves up and down erratically, chasing his high as his thighs start to strain, until Even's hips start meeting his halfway with force, knocking all air out of Isak's lungs. Even pulls his fingers out of Isak's mouth to grab his hips instead, help him move and guide him faster. Isak drops his head to Even's shoulder, sinks his teeth in, causing Even to let out a gravelly groan as his hips shoot up again, hitting Isak's spot dead on and Isak sobs into the bruised skin. So Even does it again and again and again. And then Isak is throwing his head back as he comes all over Even's and his own chest, toes curling as Even's mouth latches onto his neck and he thrusts even harsher, chasing his own high as his moans vibrate through Isak's skin and then Even is coming, slamming Isak down on his cock and Isak has no other option than to drop his head back down and hide his face in Even's neck until he can control his breathing again.

After Even has cleaned them up and Isak is resting on his chest, Isak asks what he's been wanting to know all day, "Did you mean what you said this morning?"

"About you being the love of my life? Yeah. You are."

Isak kisses Even's chest but shakes his head, "No. About wanting to marry me."

Even gives him a look that reads 'You heard that?' and when Isak's expression doesn't change, he gives him a kiss on the forehead and nods.

"Yes. And I will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my [wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/user/heyitsdante) !!


	22. No giving up anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (before anything else, there are some bAd flashbacks in this chapter so be warned !!)
> 
> i can't believe this is it. the last chapter. the response i've gotten to this fic has been mindblowing and i never could have imagined having so many amazing people read my story. i started this, still insecure about my writing and not sure how to really make a fic interesting, but this turned out better than i ever could have imagined and i love every single person who has been here through this so so so much !! either you've been here since chapter one, or read it all in one go, thank you, because this wouldn't have been same without all of you ! aghh i'm getting emotional. just enjoy the last chapter. I have other Skam fics on my profile and two original stories on my wattpad that'll be linked below iF you're interested :)) okay thank u all for everything i will miss u my babes !!!!

Rough hands grabbing at him, his waist, his ass, his face. Pushed down. Voice muffled by a sweaty palm. Feverish green eyes staring down at him. Unforgiving. Wild. Hungry. A wicked laughter. Vicious words. And a pounding in his chest, in his head. Throat raspy from crying. Vision blurry. The world slowly fading. Pain. Just pain. A numbing weakness. A paralyzed state. Gone. Faded. Black.

"Isak? Isak, are you okay?" he hears. It's distant, yet familiar. Sets a collision course for his limbs relaxing one by one until he nearly falls, yet he's caught. As he feels the ground steady underneath his feet, the world starts slowly coming back. Details focusing one by one, colours rearranging and taking their place in his vision. He's breathing heavily, staring right ahead. He's not sure if it's moments or hours after he saw that face again. Not sure where he is or even  _who_  he is anymore. He feels helpless. Betrayed. Used. A soft vanilla scented body wraps around him, brown curls tangling around his shoulders and face. He registers a faint 'you're okay. you're okay,' from right below his face yet he can't pin-point the voice yet. Can't truly grasp reality yet. As his eyes meet concerned grey ones, it starts to come back slowly. Piece by piece. Oslo. Street. Right in front of Sana's house. Carmen. Hands still grasping his biceps. Feet on the ground. Safe. He's safe. He's here. Tears rolling down his cheeks as he gets ushered in. A warm hug and Sana's familiar figure rocking him back and forth. He's okay.  _He's okay._

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Sana asks after he's calmed down a bit. She sets down a cup of tea in front of him and takes a seat. Carmen is still standing in the corner of the kitchen, unsure of how to act or help.

"I saw him. Alex," Isak says, and it's quiet. His voice trembles as he says it. Sana reaches out reluctantly, almost scared to touch him, yet Isak lets his hand lay on the table as Sana takes it in her palm and soothes her thumb over his skin.

"And then?" she asks cautiously, scared to push or trigger anything further.

"I got all these - these flashbacks. And I coul-couldn't move I-" 

"Isak calm down. Don't say anything else. Just breathe, okay? Breathe with me."

They sit in Sana's kitchen until Isak can breathe. Until he's finished his tea and Sana has managed to sell him on a few cookies. They're all sat in Sana's room, now joined by Noora and Eva, flipping through movies on Nelflix. Isak is being squished by Eva's embrace and he combs his fingers through her hair and smiles at her when she looks up. When she gives him a kiss on the cheek, he makes a faux disgusted face and Eva smacks his chest. They laugh. And Isak is okay. Soon they've settled into Sana's bed nicely, Noora practically in Carmen's lap, Eva still wrapped around Isak, and Sana, somehow managing to avoid all signs of affection, situated right in the middle. They seemed to have agreed on 'Love, Simon,' even though Isak has already seen it and knows it'll make him cry. He wraps an arm around Eva and leans his head on Sana's shoulder. After a while, he melts into the warmth and lets himself be happy. He forgets everything that happened earlier and enjoys the movie. Somewhere a quarter into it, Eva breaks out two bottles of tequila and they slowly start taking shots and soon every emotion in the movie has tripled and all four except Sana are gasping and cooing at everything. As Isak suspected, he cries, but he's not ashamed because everyone else is tearing up too. When the movie ends, everyone is a mess of emotions and tears and hiccups.

"What on earth did I just walk into?" Even laughs, declaring his presence. Isak turns around and nearly drools as he looks at Even standing in the doorway. He's leaning on the doorframe, arms crossed and a smug smirk forms on his face when he sees Isak's expression. But in Isak's opinion, looking  _that_ good should be a crime. He's wearing his nice black jeans that cling to his legs and make Isak entirely weak on their own, but then he has on a white button-up, with a few of the top buttons opened and sleeves rolled up to his forearms and Isak has to ground himself not to jump Even right this second. The girls are laughing at how incompetent Isak managed to get in just a mere few seconds and he flips them off before stumbling to his feet and dragging himself towards Even with a wide grin on his face. He wraps his arms around Even's neck and tries to kiss Even on the lips, but misses just a little and hits the corner of his mouth instead. Even chuckles, wraps his arms around Isak's waist and plants a kiss on his forehead.

"Okay, i'm confiscating this one, since you clearly don't know how to properly take care of him," Even laughs and is rewarded with a chorus of 'boo's and slurred 'screw you's. He holds onto Isak and leads him towards his room where he pushes him to sit down on the bed as he rummages through his desk for a bottle of water. He makes a triumphant noise as he finds it and walks back to Isak and kneels on the floor in front of him. Isak protests against Even holing the bottle at first, but when he manages to spill water on himself, he shuts up and lets Even take care of him. Even has him finish the entire bottle before he's pleased, and then stands back up to unbutton his shirt and shrug it off of his shoulders. Isak watches in amazement, jaw rigid and eyes wide, as Even then pulls off his jeans, leaving him solely in his underwear. As soon as he takes a step closer, Isak has his hands on Even's chest and stomach, fingers smoothing over the muscles there. Even chuckles and grabs his wrists which makes Isak pout up at him.

"Issy, we gotta get you out of your clothes, okay?" he asks and Isak nods and closes his eyes. Yet as soon as Even starts unzipping Isak's jeans, Isak's breath gets caught in his throat and he tries to pull himself as close together as he can. 

"No! Don't touch me! Stop!-" he starts to mumble in panic as he's pushing Even off and squeezing his teary eyes shut. He's crying again, creating incoherent sentences and kicking everything around him until Even grabs his wrists gently, pins them to his chest and straddles his waist.

"Isak. Open your eyes. It's me. Even," he says in a stern voice and Isak slowly opens his eyes, greeted by a pair of warm blue ones looking down at him in concern. His breathing steadies and his fists unclench.

"Isak, what just happened?" 

"I-I saw Alex today and had a panic attack, I'm sorry," Isak rushes out in a tiny voice and Even shushes him.

"Why are you sorry?"

"Because I yelled at you."

Even chuckles and shakes his head, "You have nothing to apologize for, baby. Just let me help you take your jeans off, yeah?"

Isak nods. Even starts removing Isak's clothes carefully, making Isak look at him and reassuring him the entire time until he has the boy stripped down to his underwear. He then guides Isak under the covers, climbing in next to him and Isak snuggles into his chest in seconds, tracing patterns on his chest with his index finger.

"Do you want to talk about earlier?" Even asks, pulling Isak closer to him and burying his face in Isak's curls and Isak's hand stills for a moment, thinking, considering.

"I guess I just remember more of that night than I thought I did. It was all hazy before, but when I saw him again today, it became vivid. And I feel so helpless in those memories. So useless. Worthless," he whispers. And Even sighs, kissing his forehead a good few times, then flipping them so that Isak is laying on his back with Even situated between his legs. He starts placing kisses all over Isak's face, then his chest, his arms, his torso, speaking between every one.

"You,"

*kiss*

"Are not,"

*kiss*

"Worthless,*

*kiss*

"You are,"

*kiss*

"the strongest,"

*kiss*

"most beautiful boy,

*kiss*

"i've ever met."

*kiss*

"And I love you,"

*kiss*

"so much,"

*kiss*

By the time Even has finished his mission, Isak is squirming and giggling underneath him and Even flips them back so Isak is laying on his chest again. He pulls Isak as close to himself as he can and Isak tilts his chin up, asking for a kiss. And Even kisses him with all he's got, letting Isak know that he's wanted and valued. Isak grips onto his shoulders, wrapping a leg around his waist and humming between their lips. They kiss like that for a while, breaths mingling and soft lips slotting together. They kiss like that until their lips are swollen and they feel like themselves again. Then they break away and Isak rests his head on Even's chest, just listening to his heartbeats. Isak can hear Even's heart speed up as he opens his mouth to say something, then closes it again. Isak looks up at him and Even gives in.

"I talked to my parents about moving back home," he starts, and Isak gives a responsive 'hm?'.

"They gave me another idea. How would you feel about moving somewhere together?"

Isak can feel his own heart speed up this time as he bites back a grin, places a soft kiss under Even's jaw, gives him a soft "I'd love that," and Even grins wide, yet he's still fidgety. Uncertain

"There's something else I wanted to talk about. It's about when I left. I told you I wanted to propose. And that's true. But the thing is, it's still true. I really want to marry you one day. Because there is no one in this world that I love more than you and I want to spend my life showing you exactly how much you mean to me. So, Isak, will you one day in the future consider maybe getting married?" 

Isak laughs, "This has got to be the worst future proposal ever," he teases and Even smacks his side.

"I'm serious here, okay?"

"I'm just messing. Of course I want to marry you someday. So, let's make a promise. Me and you. No giving up anymore."

"No giving up."

Then they kiss again, this time full of promises and excitement for what's to come. This time there's a certainty in it. A bond fit for a lifetime. A knowing that they don't have to fear about their own struggles anymore, because they share those now. And they have each other forever. They fall asleep tangled with each other like they're supposed to be. 

The next morning greets them with golden sunshine and the scent of waffles. They're still wrapped up in each other, so as soon as Isak stirs awake, Even opens his eyes as well.

"Good morning future husband," Even hums and grins down at Isak.

"Good morning, you big sap," Isak teases and gives Even a kiss, one hand on his cheek, the other on his chest. It's a soft kiss. A morning kiss. Still sleepy and dreamy. The delicious smell coming from the kitchen interrupts their moment and makes Isak's mouth water, yet he groans at the mere thought of getting up.

"Want me to bring you breakfast in bed?" Even asks as if reading Isak's mind and Isak nods before giving him another kiss. Isak has decided that kissing Even is his favorite thing to do and he will never ever stop doing it as long as he's alive. He yawns and stretches out his limbs as he listens to Even's footsteps move to the kitchen, then a few muffled voices and laughs before the steps are approaching again. Even kicks the door shut behind him with his foot and brings the plate of steaming waffles to Isak, fitting himself back to Isak's warmth. When Even feeds both himself and Isak while sneaking kisses as the first rays of sun glide over them in the warmth of their own bodies and hearts fitted together, Isak knows that this is how it's supposed to be. Knows that this is how he always wants it to be. Isak and Even. Always. In every universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my [wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/user/heyitsdante) !!


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